
Copyright }j^_ 



COPYRIGHT DEPOSm 



^ REALIZATION i 

The Story of a Climber 



Published f o r the New 
Thought Pub. Co., of Chicago, 
111., by The Weltmer Institute 
of Suggestive Therapeutics 
Company of Nevada, Mo. 



SPECIAL EDITION 1909 



<^1^ 



Copyright 1909 

by 

ERNEST WELTMER 



(P p[ A o ^; ,c? '-\ -i '? 



TABLE OF CONTENTS 

I. The Discovery. 

II. The Finding of the Message. 

III. A Mother's Part. 

IV. The Beginning of the Search. 
V. The Value of Faith. 

VI. The Test of Faith. 

VII. The Awakening of the Doctor. 

VIII. Jesus, The Healer. 

IX. The Master Physician's Record. 

X. Jesus' Power Eternal. 

XL The Decision. 

XII. The Dawn of Faith. 

XIII. The Promise Fulfilled. 

XIV. Conclusion. 
L'Envoi. 



DEDICATION: 

To my friend, E. T. M., the cKIef 
source of my inspiration and my faith- 
ful assistant in its conception and prepa- 
ration, I lovingly dedicate this little 
book, with the hope that it may bring to 
some of those who read it the realiza- 
tion of power, and the peace of mind 
that comes of the trust in themselves, 
which she so strongly inspires in all who 
come under her influence. 

Ernest Weltmer. 



FOREWORD. 

THIS is but a simple tale, telling how one man 
tested Jesus' teachings and found them re- 
liable. Its essential structure is an account from real 
life, dealing with a period in the life of our hero, be- 
tween the time when the physicians discovered for him 
that he was sick unto death, with nothing in materia 
medica or the doctor's skill to offer him hope of re- 
covery; and the time when he became again a happy 
man with a new and glorious purpose in life, the pur- 
pose of bringing to others the hope and health that he 
had found for himself. 

It departs from the plain truth only for the sake of 
literary grace and the few changes made in the story 
for this reason do not in the least modify its truth; the 
facts remain essentially as set forth. 

THE AUTHOR. 



L 



CHAPTER I. 
THE DISCOVERY. 

A Calamity Recognized is Twice a Calamity. 

IFE WAS VERY SWEET to Stanly Weldon 
that morning, as he rode townwards on the old 
roan mare, to recite the lessons he had studied over 
night and to learn what more he could during the in- 
tervals between the professional calls upon the time of 
his teacher, who was a country doctor with a big 
practice. 

Seemingly, he had every reason to be happy that 
morning. Hope was beating high in his breast, the 
morning was bright and warm and the larks on the 
fence posts, the sparrows in the grass and the mockers 
rocketting high above their nest trees were singing in 
perfect tune with the song in his heart. He had seen 
the day's birth as he had helped to do the chores 
around the farmyard; he had studied his books some 
more as he ate his breakfast by the lamplight in the 
kitchen, where the white dawn was just outlining the 
windows ; he had done his work and had done it well ; 
had pleased his mother with his studying and his father 
and brother by helping them at their early tasks; his 
sister had beamed with anticipatory pride upon him 



2 REALIZATION 

whom she thought was to be a great man some day 
from studying those big yellow books that claimed so 
much of his attention; and now, with the feeling of 
satisfaction that always comes from doing honest work 
and the consciousness of the approval of all his little 
world, in the midst of an environment where happiness 
seemed the keynote of the lives that all things lived, he 
could not be otherwise than happy. And his happi- 
ness overflowed his heart in a rising flood that curved 
his lips, lighted his eyes as they fell upon the scenes 
around him, made his nerves tingle and almost turned 
itself into pain through making him feel himself and 
his present world too small for the full expression of 
his joy. 

The farmers he met going to their work in distant 
fields or perhaps to help a neighbor, all friends of his, 
looked after him and felt a sympathetic thrill of pleas- 
ure in the slim, earnest-faced lad who rode into town 
so early with a book under his arm. They knew that 
he was studying medicine. Many times before they 
had seen him going to town on these early morning 
trips, always with the big book and the hopeful face 
that seemed to see something bright in a future hidden 
from their eyes. Most of them had some time heard 
him attack an opponent's logic, or defend his own 



THE DISCOVERY 3 

position against their attacks in country debates and 
they knew the keenness of his mind, the earnestness of 
his interest in anything he undertook, and while they 
were for the most part, men who had not many inter- 
ests beyond the borders of their farms, they still had 
enough memories from their own dead youth to guess 
in some degree the dreams that were behind the light 
in the student's brown eyes, to sympathize with his 
hopes. And they had confidence in him that he would 
realize his dreams when the time had come. 

It was still early morning when he crossed the Wil- 
low Fork, and Doll's splashing in the waters of the 
ford brought him back from his dreams and the 
future, to the present and the lesson he was soon to 
recite. He opened the book and, resting it on the 
saddle-horn, began studying over again the pages he 
already knew so well. 

When he had read the lesson through he closed the 
book and took up the reins, and then in the reaction 
from his former exaltation, he found that he was weary 
and his face felt flushed, his knees ached a bit and his 
muscles were weak and tired. He took off his hat and 
let the cool morning air blow on his hot forehead, which 
revived his spirits somewhat. Then calling on his 
rather meager stock of medical information for a diag- 



4 REALIZATION 

nosis of his condition, he decided that there was noth- 
ing wrong except that he had studied too late the night 
before, had arisen too early that morning and was 
tired from doing his chores and his seven-mile ride. 

Then he forgot all about himself again in his dreams 
of what the future was to bring him or, rather, of what 
he was going to carve out of the future for himself. 

So, he came to the hitching rack by the depot. There 
he hitched old Doll and then went up to the office of 
his teacher, the principal doctor in the little town. The 
doctor was busy and the boy had time to again go over 
his lessons before the teacher was ready for his pupil. 
But he was tired now and did not take so much inter- 
est in them as he had a short time before. He felt that 
he would rather lie down and sleep. He was in the 
reaction from his former period of exaltation, but did 
not think of that then ; he only knew that he was tired, 
and hot, and limp. 

When the doctor had finished his task they took up 
the lesson and the boy's interest was soon revived. His 
teacher was as much comrade as instructor. In spite 
of the difference in their ages, the doctor recognized an 
equal in his young friend and treated him as such. 
The boy had been used to meeting men of all ages on 
the debating platform; he had always been compan- 



THE DISCOVERY 5 

iOTied more by his mother and father and by men of ma- 
ture years than by boys and girls of his own age ; so it 
did not seem strange to him to meet his preceptor on 
the common ground of their mutual interest, as an 
equal and co-worker. In their lessons they studied 
them together more than had them recited as pupil to 
master, and this always brought out the liveliest inter- 
est of the pupil, because it led him to the active use of 
his mind rather than to the forced use of his memory. 

He soon forgot his former mood in his interest in the 
lesson, and was again wide awake and intensely alive 
with the enthusiasm of youth and the student. The 
doctor noticed after awhile that his companion's face 
was unusually flushed and that there was an unnatural 
fire in his eyes, but he laid these appearances to his 
excitement and thought nothing more of it at the time. 

Before the lesson was finished another patient came 
in and the doctor had to leave to attend to the new- 
comer's needs. Left alone, Stanly soon grew listless 
and weary again, and when the other returned he was 
lying on a couch in one corner of the room. 

The older man then noticed with more thought for 
its meaning, the flushed face and weary air and he sud- 
denly realized that these appearances had become com- 
mon of late, that they were unnatural to his young 



6 REALIZATION 

friend in health, and the doctor was instantly aroused 
in the man. 

"What's the matter, Stanly?" he asked the boy. 

**I don't know; tired, I guess," he replied. 

"Here, let's see your tongue." The doctor spoke in 
a light tone of friendly banter, but he was not very 
light-hearted by this time, for his trained mind had 
instantaneously run over all the symptoms of distress 
he had unconsciously observed in his young companion 
during the last few months, symptoms which in anyone 
else would have quickly aroused his professional inter- 
est but which, in Stanly, had been passed over as nat- 
ural results of hard study and close application and the 
deep enthusiasm which he knew so well. He had un- 
consciously made a diagnosis of the boy's case while 
he was asking him what the matter was and the con- 
clusion he had reached was enough to make him feel 
grave. 

The examination which followed was a very thor- 
ough and careful one and only confirmed the physician 
in his first opinion. When it was concluded, Stan- 
ly asked him what he had found, for he knew enough 
about diagnosis to see that his friend was taking un- 
usual pains in examining his case, pains that seemed to 
the patient out of all proportion, and he also suspected 



THE DISCOVERY 1 

that his old friend was disturbed by his findings. 

To his question the doctor repHed by evading a di- 
rect answer, telHng him to go over to the store and talk 
with the men that were always sure to be found on its 
porch at that time of day, while he fixed up some pre- 
scriptions that had to be filled that morning. "You 
are tired and had better rest awhile before we complete 
our lesson,'* he finished. **Come back in the course of 
half an hour and we'll finish this lesson and then I'll 
tell you some things about the operation I've decided 
to let you assist me with this afternoon." 

When Stanly returned he found the doctor in his 
private office at a table all littered over with books. 
He motioned the boy to a seat on the other side of the 
table and went on reading. 

Presently he laid down the book, cleared his throat 
in characteristic fashion and, after looking long at his 
young companion, as if hesitating to speak, at last 
found courage to say: 

"Stanly, my boy, I feel that I must tell you some- 
thing that it hurts me very deeply even to think is true. 
You are like a son to me and I hate to hurt you, but 
you must know it so that you may be able to take 
proper care of yourself. I'm afraid, my boy, that you 
have consumption. I feel that I am partly to blame for 



8 REALIZATION 

its having reached its present serious stage, for I should 
have noticed long ago what was the matter with you, 
but we were together so much and under such condi- 
tions that I did not think of your being sick — such a 
thought never entered my mind — and I have let you 
go on developing the trouble right under my eyes with- 
out noticing it. When I examined you a while ago 
and found what your trouble is I was so shocked that 
I wanted a little time to myself to get hold of my fac- 
ulties so that I could give the matter careful considera- 
tion. I thought that I might have made a mistake, 
although I knew that there was small chance for that, 
on account of the experience I have had with this dis- 
ease. But much as I hate to think it, I am sure that 
my diagnosis was correct, and I'm afraid you're in for 
it. We'll have the other doctors examine you, too, 
though, and maybe they can give us some hope, but I 
don't want to raise false hopes in your mind and I 
think the best thing that you can do is to just realize 
how matters stand and prepare to meet them and make 
the best of them." 

It is not hard to imagine the effect that this speech 
had upon Stanly. His happiness was effectually 
clouded now. This meant death to all his hopes, for 
he had been taught by common experience and the 



THE DISCOVERY 9 

books he was studying that consumption is of necessity 
sooner or later fatal. The doctor's words sounded 
like a knell of death to him and the thought of their 
meaning stunned him. Even the feverish light died 
out of his eyes, the flush paled on his cheek and his 
body sank down in his chair as if he were already 
dying. Moistening his dry lips he at last found 
strength to ask, "How long, doctor?*' 

The old man, with unnoted tears on his cheeks, suf- 
fering with the boy at the death of the hopes that he 
had helped to give birth, looked away and answered, 
*'I don't know, Stanly. It may be a year, it may be 
two, or three, or even longer, or it may be only a few 
months. A great deal depends upon you and the care 
you take of yourself. You've a pretty strong consti- 
tution in spite of the fact that you have never had the 
best of health, and you can put up a good fight if you 
go about it right and keep up your courage, but I think 
it only fair that you should know that you have a well 
developed case and that it is only a question of time 
so far as I can see." 

"Won't I be able to be a doctor?" 

The boy knew the answer before he asked the ques- 
tion; he knew that there was only one reply that his 
friend could give him, and yet he could not give up his 



10 REALIZATION 

dream so easily, and asked his question in the faint 
hope that the doctor might be able to give his great 
ideal at least a breath of life. The moment he had 
asked it he wished he had left his question unsaid and 
then hoped that the doctor would dodge the reply. 
And yet at the same time he hung eagerly on his words, 
anxious to hear either the sentence he dreaded or the 
alternative he had hardly dared hope for. 

"I'm afraid not, my boy. You'll have to ease up 
on the books a bit, for awhile at least, and spend most 
of your time out of doors at some sort of light labor. 
You may be able to take them up again after awhile, 
but just now you had better drop them. I'll give 
you some directions about how you are to live, what 
you are to eat, and so on, and we'll see that you have 
the best possible chance to come out ahead of the Old 
Reaper. You may even be able to get well entirely, 
but I don't want to build up false hopes and make you 
careless about yourself." 

"I did so want to be a doctor," the boy said, in a 
voice entirely devoid of hope. "I wish — Oh I 
What's the use of fighting? What matters now? 
And mother! Will she have to know? Oh, doctor! 
Can't there be some chance that you are mistaken, is 
there no chance at all that I can ever be " and his 



THE DISCOVERY II 

voice trailed off into a silence that told more plainly of 
his state of hopelessness than any words could have 
done. 

His friend, reading in his face the boy's despair, 
sought to make him forget his trouble and to cheer him 
by diverting his mind into other channels. "Well, 
come, boy, there's no use in getting gloomy over what 
can't be helped; that won't help matters a bit, rather 
the opposite. Let's finish up this chapter and then see 
what we can find out about our little job for this after- 
noon." 

So they turned to their interrupted lesson and en- 
deavored to forget the pain that had come to both of 
them in the intermission, but with little success. The 
enthusiasm was gone from the student's heart, for he 
was not to be a physician, and these things no longer 
had any real meaning to him as was the case a few 
hours before. And the older man suffered with the 
boy and could not get his mind fixed upon the prosy 
virtues of mercury in its various forms, and found it al- 
most as much of a task to be interested in the prepara- 
tions for the operation which he was to perform in a 
few hours. 

The remainder of this part of the tale is soon told. 
They went to other doctors in a hopeless quest for a 



12 REALIZATION 

reason to hope arid everywhere they went were given 
the same answer to the question which was aheady 
only too well answered: There was no hope; no one 
knew anything but death for the end of this disease; 
no one could promise many years of struggle before 
the grim reaper would gather in his harvest. 

The boy that traveled back over that road as the 
shades of evening were falling on the fields, and creep- 
ing into the fence-corners, and under the trees, was a 
very different lad from the one who had gone into town 
over it in the early morning of the same day. Despair 
rode with him where before he had been compan- 
ioned by hope. The light was out of his eyes, his 
shoulders stooped and his gaze was downcast. He 
no longer looked into a roseate future, but shrank with 
dread from seeing what it seemed to hold for him. 

The stares of a few of the farmers he met told him 
that everyone would soon know his dreary secret if he 
let his face and manner tell tales. He had decided 
that he would keep the knowledge of his misfortune to 
himself, not even allow his mother to know till that 
became necessary, and thus spare himself the further 
burden of pity that would come from his friends know- 
ing of his trouble. During the remainder of his home- 
ward journey he schooled his face and form to their 



THE DISCOVERY 13 

natural expressions and laid plans for keeping up an 
appearance of good feeling and health that would pre- 
vent others from knowing what had come to him, and 
keep from his mother the knowledge that he knew 
would almost kill her if she should learn it. 

In the days that followed he dropped his medical 
studies, giving her the excuse that the doctor had told 
him that he should not do any more reading now but 
should come to the office occasionally, and work out of 
doors the rest of the time. He let her know that the 
doctor wanted him to take better care of his health, but 
did not tell her how serious were his fears, nor how 
well founded. He went about his work at home and 
in public much as before and none of the neighbors 
suspected that he was carrying such a great burden of 
fear and disappointment in his heart. 



CHAPTER II. 
THE FINDING OF THE MESSAGE. 

They had ears which heard not, and eyes that would not see, and 
their hearts were closed to the message which had been given them. 

NOW THAT HE had been compelled to give 
up the study of medicine, Stanly's mind was 
without any settled occupation and it involuntarily cast 
about for something upon which to focus its unrestrain- 
able energies. The seeming nearness of death led his 
thoughts to the subject of the hereafter and this nat- 
urally led him further to the reading of the Bible. He 
was a member of the Baptist church, and Sunday 
School, and sometimes teacher in the Bible classes, 
and was therefore pretty well acquainted with the 
Bible, but had never before read it with such deep in- 
terest as the circumstances of his present position in- 
spired, and he now found many things in it which were 
entirely new to him. All of his energies gradually 
came to a focus on this one subject and he soon be- 
came as much interested in the Bible as he had for- 
merly been interested in his books on medicine. 



THE FINDING OF THE MESSAGE 1 5 

In his biblical studies he was helped a great deal by 
his mother and the plain, blunt, common sense of his 
father. His mother, a woman of unusual originality 
and insight, and fine education, had always been very 
closely connected with his intellectual development; 
she was, in fact, his principal source of inspiration and 
his chief instructor in most things. He had never at- 
tended school to amount to anything, but had picked 
up his education by reading and studying under his 
mother's direction. He naturally turned to her when 
he found something that he could not understand, and 
her unconventional woman's mind assisted him to many 
new and clearer interpretations which he had missed 
under the direction of the Sunday School teachers. 

He became more and more deeply interested. The 
Bible and its teachings were almost his whole subject 
of thought and the expression of his religious aspira- 
tions became greatly strengthened and deepened. Nat- 
urally of an earnestly religious nature, he now became 
intensely so and it was not long after his thoughts had 
been turned into these channels till his voice began to 
be heard in the prayer meetings and even in the more 
pretentious services of the humble country church of 
which he was a member. He soon became locally fa- 
mous as an "exhorter," and it was not many months 



16 REALIZATION 

before he was studying for the ministry as hard as he 
had at one time been studying for the profession of 
medicine. This was contrary to the advice of his old 
friend and one-time teacher, the doctor, with whom the 
reader is already acquainted, but Stanly would not be 
checked in his new career by the advice of his medical 
friend, for he reasoned that if he was to die anyway, 
it did not make much difference whether it were now or 
a month hence, since he could not in any case hope to 
live long enough to accomplish anything worth while, 
and he would be happier preparing for a work that he 
might never live to do than he would be lying around 
waiting for and dreading death. Besides this, although 
he did not know it, he was in the grasp of an idea; a 
great desire; and no matter how much he might have 
wished to drop his work he would hardly have been able 
to do so. His interest chained him to it and left him 
no alternative. 

Before six months had passed since he had heard the 
sentence of death pronounced upon himself, he was li- 
censed to preach. Before he was ordained in the 
church there came a Sunday when the minister was not 
on hand and the congregation was left without a pas- 
tor. He was called upon to take the pulpit and gladly 
responded, for here was the very chance for which he 



THE FINDING OF THE MESSAGE 1 7 

had been eagerly hoping; a chance to do something 
before he should be compelled by death to lay down 
his arms. 

And he was prepared for just such an occasion. He 
possessed a book of sermons which he had studied and 
which he had also used as a guide in original Bible 
study, and there was one of these sermons which had 
especially attracted him and to which he had given 
much attention. He had even gone to the length of 
studying out an original sermon based upon the same 
text; a sermon which he had already delivered on sev- 
eral different occasions to the stumps in the Spring 
Pasture, but which he had hardly dared hope to de- 
liver to a living audience before death should seal his 
lips. 

This sermon was on the text (Mark 16-17) And 
these signs shall follow them that believe: In mp name 
shall the^ cast out devils; they shall speak with new 
tongues; 

( 1 8) They shall take up serpents; and if they drink 
any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay 
hands on the sick, and they shall recover. 

When the deacons asked him to take the pulpit that 
day he at once accepted and took his place with a 
heart beating high with joy and exaltation and thank- 



18 REALIZATION 

fulness that this privilege was given him, to realize at 
least one of the dreams that were so dear to him. 

He took up his Bible, and, as if some unseen power 
were behind him, directing and assisting him, the leaves 
fell open at the place where his chosen text was to be 
found. This incident gave him a mysterious pleasure 
and further confidence in, himself, for he was very sin- 
cere in his belief in the power and watchfulness of the 
God he worshipped, and this seemed to him an omen 
that the one in whose ministry he was engaging was 
behind and helping him. 

He announced his text and started in with the ser- 
mon that he had given to the stumps. As he went on, 
his voice, at first somewhat weak, gathered power; his 
keen mind cut deeper into his subject than ever before 
and under the inspiration of the occasion and the un- 
conscious appeal of the listening congregation, he wan- 
dered away from the sermon that he had built on the 
foundation laid by the sermon in the book, and began 
to preach out of the inmost depths of his being, giving 
voice to truths which he had never before known that 
he knew, truths that he had learned in the deeper ex- 
periences of life and unconsciously stored away in the 
inner chambers of his mind without ever consciously 
knowing that they were his. He lifted up his con- 



THE FINDING OF THE MESSAGE 1 9 

gregation by the simple force of his plain words; he 
convinced them by his keen reasoning; he made them 
feel that they had only just begun to live and he felt 
all of these things with them, only more deeply, pos- 
sibly, than they, and then — 

He had come to the part where Jesus said, The^ 
shall la^ hands on the sick and the^ shall recover, and 
with his greatest inspiration; with the uplift and the 
power to make this the wonderful climax it seemed to 
him that it should rightly be, came the thought that 
he was even then sick and without hope of recovery; 
even then he was preaching what he felt might well be 
his last as well as his first sermon ; preaching to a con- 
gregation of church members who at least pretended to 
"believe" and yet that he was sick; preaching to many 
who were at the moment almost if not quite sick as he, 
and yet they were still sick ; they had not healed him 
and he had not healed them, neither had they nor he 
ever shown any of the other signs that Jesus said would 
follow on their belief; and he was for the moment 
struck dumb ! He stood silent and pondered this prob- 
lem, at a loss how to proceed, while the congregation 
who had not followed his thoughts beyond his words, 



20 REALIZATION 

grew impatient, and restless, and his friends began to 
fear that he was going to fail after such a brilliant 
start for success. 

He felt their eyes and their impatience and tried to 
proceed, but he could not, for he could not make any- 
thing out of the question except that he and the people 
to whom he was preaching did not believe or else that 
this statement was untrue. It must be one or the other ; 
he could not dodge behind the sophistries of the other 
man upon whose sermon he had first modelled his own, 
for he could not remember them; he could not invent 
new excuses out of whole cloth, for the force of the 
personal application and the unequivocal plainness of 
Jesus' statement left him no room to dodge, even if 
he had not been too honest to do so when the matter 
was presented to him in this new Kght. He could not 
limit this promise to the people to whom Jesus had been 
speaking of the time that He made it, for the two verses 
immediately preceding the ones he had used for his 
text, made it evident that the Savior had spoken of all 
men and for all time. These verses seemed to stand 
out and accuse and threaten him every time that he 
thought of dodging the issue as he had heard it dodged 
so many times before. He could not get his eyes off 
of them when he would have looked up and made 



THE FINDING OF THE MESSAGE 2 1 

ready to twist these statements so that they would make 
his preaching agree in some respect with his own ac- 
tions and the practices of the church. In his pain and 
perplexity his thinking powers seemed to recoil and 
then stand still ; he seemed no longer to think and he 
read over to himself time after time, They shall lay 
their hands on the sick <2nJ they shall recover, * * * 
he that helieveth not shall he damned, * * * And 
these signs shall follon^ them that believe; and then 
over them again from the first. 

No, he could not get out of it; he either did not be- 
lieve or else these words were untrue, and if these last 
words that Jesus had spoken to his beloved disciples 
were untrue, how much more likely to be false were all 
of those teachings and promises made on less impres- 
sive occasions. He could not think that they were 
untrue, and he could not think that he did not believe, 
and yet, he was sick and others in the congregation 
were sick, and their belief did not heal them. 

Lost in the problem, he did not notice how time 
was going on, while the congregation waited for him 
to resume his interrupted sermon, till one of the old 
deacons of the church came up on the platform and 
placed his hand on the perplexed boy's shoulder. 

Stanly looked up with a start and in an instant re- 



11 REALIZATION 

alized the situation, and then before the old man could 
say anything, he said to the now tensely silent con- 
gregation, "And Jesus said, the}) shall la]) their hands 
on the sick and they shall recover. These are His last 
words to His faithful disciples, this is His last promise, 
the last injunction He laid upon them and other men 
whom they should reach with His teaching. This is 
the climax to His life with them, the climax and the 
capstone to His teaching and the message of love He 
brought to the world. We cannot think that He meant 
this promise for them alone, for He is talking of all men 
who shall believe, not to just these few, for He says 
just before this, Co j^e into all the World, and preach 
the Gospel to every creature. He that helieveth shall 
he saved; hut he that helieveth not shall he dan^ned. 
And then He makes the promise and lays upon them 
the injunction which I chose for my text this morning. 

"Do we believe? Do you, and you, and you, be- 
lieve His promises true or do you think that He lied 
to you? I think that I believe and I also think that 
these promises are true, and yet I have never cast out 
devilsy I have never spoken with new tongues; I have 
never done any of these other things and most of all, 
I have never laid my hands on the sick and healed 
them. Many of you are sick and I have not healed 



THE FINDING OF THE MESSAGE 23 

you. Many among our congregation have died with- 
out any one among us even thinking enough of Jesus' 
word to try to heal them as He has told us that we 
could. I am sick and you have not offered to heal 
me, and what is more I have not the faith to try now 
and you have not; or if you have, if there are any 
among you who believe our Lord, who have faith in 
His promises, let him step forward and heal some of 
our sick. 

"Do we believe? Is this promise, this last prom- 
ise made to men by their Savior true? If we believe 
and it is true, then we should heal the sick by laying 
our hands on them. Do we do this? Are there any 
among you who have ever done it? Are there any 
who will do it now? Are there any who will even 
try it now? 

"Brothers, we cannot dodge the question. We 
either do not believe or the last promise that Jesus 
made to us is false. Which is it? If it is true, then 
the mother who has sat by the cradle of her dying babe 
and not asked Jesus to make good that promise is 
either a hypocrite or a negative murderer of her own 
babe. For according to her professions, she believes, 
and according to this promise, that should be sufficient to 
heal her babe if she but lay her hands on its tortured 



24 REALIZATION 

body; and for her to have the power to save its Ufe 
and withhold that power is but Httle better than to 
exercise a positive power for its destruction. And if 
she does not beheve when she says that she does, she 
is a Har and a hypocrite. And the rest of us are in 
the same fix, too. There are none of us who have not 
either Red about our faith in Jesus' words or have 
proven them untrue. Which is it? 

"Brothers, I cannot dodge the question and I can- 
not answer it in any way to leave me honor among you 
and in my own estimate in the sight of God. I can- 
not preach more to you. We either beheve or we do 
not beheve and if we do beheve and Jesus told the 
truth — and who is there here who will say that He 
did not? — we can heal our sick and cast out devils, 
and when we can do these things and do not do them 
we are not obeying the spirit of His teachings. He 
made it one of his chief concerns to heal the sick and 
He has laid the same task upon us, His followers. 

"Brothers, when I can prove that saying of Jesus 
true, when I can prove my beUef in Him by laying 
my hands on the sick and restoring them to health, 
then, and not till then will I finish this sermon. Till 
then I am through." 

And with head bowed in humiliation, Stanly 



THE FINDING OF THE MESSAGE 25 

stepped down from the pulpit, and before the stupefied 
audience could recover from the shock of his words, 
he had gone out through the open door and wandered 
out of sight into the woods that came up close to the 
church on three of its sides. 

When they had awakened from their stupor, when 
they had thrown off the force of conviction that fol- 
lowed on his words — for there was not one of them 
who had doubted the truth of his message while he 
was delivering it; his earnestness and the strength of 
his own belief in what he was saying would not per- 
mit of denial; they forced belief — when he was gone 
and the people had come back to themselves and their 
old ways of thinking, pandemonium followed. Such 
an uproar of protest and denunciation as followed 
boded ill for him if he had been still in the church, 
but as they had nothing on which to focus their anger 
and indignation, their emotions soon burnt themselves 
out in words and the people comforted their outraged 
feelings by familiar sophistries and half-hearted con- 
demnations of the man whom they still felt had spoken 
truth to them. 

One among those who felt themselves the least 
bound to uphold the traditions of the church said to 
another, "The boy's right; there is no way of getting 



26 REALIZATION 

around it. We've dodged the question too long al- 
ready." 

And a friend replied, "I don't see how we can get 
out of it. I think that some of the deacons and the 
most faithful of the women should put it to the test 
and I believe that whenever they do they will find 
that Jesus' words are just as true today as they were 
in the days of His life on earth. I'd like to see it tried, 
anyhow." 

"Yes, so would I," the other said; and several by- 
standers murmured their approval, but none of them 
offered to be the one who should make the trial. Many 
were anxious to see the experiment tried by some one 
else, but no one was willing to try it for himself. Each 
felt that it was the other fellow's "belief" which should 
be tested; he had no confidence in his own. 

The subject was soon dropped after it had taken 
this turn, and it was not resumed again except among 
friends in private conversation. Stanly's action would, 
ordinarily, have been sufficient ground for a church 
trial and discipline, but they were all still under the 
spell of the young enthusiast's words and sincerity; 
they still felt that he was more than half right; the 
sophistries with which they had formerly been suc- 
cessful in satisfying themselves, no longer quite satis- 



THE FINDING OF THE MESSAGE 11 

fied, and they were none of them willing to have the 
question raised again when it might lead to a test of 
their faith. They had Httle confidence in its quahty; 
they were afraid to have it put to the test. They were 
willing to make the supreme test of their behef in the 
truth and divinity of their Savior, the weekly testimony 
of the prayer meetings when they had nothing worse 
to meet than the eyes of their friends and sympathisers. 
They did not want to be called upon to put it to any 
greater test than the one of words and perhaps neigh- 
borly visits for gossip with the sick. They felt that 
they might be equal to the trial of accepting a foreign 
mission assignment, for their friends would all be be- 
hind them in that, and that was in conformity with 
the traditions of the church, but to try healing the sick 
by the laying on of their hands, to test their behef in 
Jesus in this manner would be new. They did not 
know how to start; they had never seen anyone else 
do it and they were not willing to run the risk of fail- 
ure. In fact, they all felt that if they should try it 
they would fail; that they did not believe as Jesus 
would have had them believe and they were afraid 
to have their fellow churchmen know it. 

They were in reality professing to a belief that they 
were not willing to have tested, preferring to lie to 



28 REALIZATION 

themselves and others so long as that gave them the 
appearance of having what they felt that they did not 
possess, to honestly admitting that they were only half- 
believers, or to giving Jesus a chance to prove to them 
that He spoke truth for them. 

They did not believe, and, when they suffered them- 
selves to honestly take stock of their belief, they knew 
they did not. They knew it when they sat by the 
beds of the sick; when they followed the coffins of 
loved ones to their graves; when they themselves suf- 
fered the pains of disease. They knew that they did 
not believe when they tried to condemn Stanly for 
telling them the truth, where they had been so long 
used to being eased, and comforted, and flattered by 
sophistries. 

They knew that they did not believe as they pro- 
fessed to do and they did not want to risk being 
brought to trial themselves. For this reason the boy's 
sermon soon became a tabooed subject of conversa- 
tion and nothing was ever done to publicly reprove 
him for scandalising the traditions of the pulpit which 
he had endeavored to fill. 



CHAPTER III. 
A MOTHER'S PART. 

"Colossal behind the achievement stands, Meekly, that angel, the 
mother!" 

WHEN Stanly left the church he had no idea 
where he was going ; he was not thinking about 
going any place. In fact, he was not thinking at all; 
he was stunned and his mind seemed at a standstill. 
He seemed incapable of any form of mental activity be- 
yond the reading over and over of the words, And 
these things shall jollow them that believe, * * * the^ 
shall la]) their hands on the sick ond they shall recover, 
* * * /le that helieveth not shall he damned. These 
words danced before his eyes, accusing and threaten- 
ing him. 

He wandered thus for several hours before his fac- 
ulties had recovered their balance. When he came 
to himself and looked around to see where he had 
wandered, he found himself on a high bluff overlook- 
ing a pleasant valley across the little creek that flowed 
at its base. Although he was familiar with the coun- 
try and could have found his way through any part 
of it at night, he was for the moment unable to de- 
termine his location. When he finally realized where 



30 REALIZATION 

he was he found that he had wandered far from the 
road that would have led him home, that he was then 
several miles further away from home than when he 
left the church. He felt tired and confused and did 
not know how he had come there, so he sat down on 
the head of the bluff to rest his body and puzzle the 
matter out. 

As his mind ran back over the day's experiences in 
the effort to place this last one among them and find 
the sequence of events which led up to his being here so 
far away from home, he came again, in his thoughts, 
to the meeting and then to the sermon he had preached 
and finally, to the moment when he was confronted 
with the imperative question of testing of his own be- 
lief; and then the whole thing came back to him and 
again there came before his eyes the accusing words 
that had haunted him in his wanderings. 

This was a very serious matter with him. It was 
not something that could be met with a shrug of the 
shoulders and passed by with the common saying, "it 
won't matter in a hundred years from now." To him 
it was something that mattered for all time, for eter- 
nity. He took Heaven and Hell and the teachings 
of his church very seriously, as things to be accepted 
without question, and he did not doubt for an instant 



A MOTHER'S PART 



31 



that, as things stood, he would go after death, to a 
place of eternal torment, to a material "Hell" of fire 
and brimstone as depicted by the preachers who had 
given him the larger part of his ideas of the hereafter, 
for he could not think that he believed as Jesus 
would have him do when he was not able to heal the 
sick, speak with tongues or cast out devils as the Savior 
had said that believers could do, and he could not see 
how he could get around the statement that he that be- 
lieveth not shall he damned. It was a very serious 
and a pressing matter with him, for he was convinced 
that he was not long for the world ; he was certain that 
it would not be long till he would be called upon to 
give the last account of himself and then be judged by 
his belief or unbelief. It was not a matter to be put 
off till next week or even till tomorrow ; it was a matter 
of pressing importance, a matter which would not per- 
mit of the least delay. 

For hours he revolved the question in his mind with- 
out coming to any solution of his difficulties and then, 
just as the sun tipped with red the trees on the hill- 
tops at the lower end of the valley, he knelt and prayed 
a half articulate, half unspoken prayer for assistance 
from on high. 

"O Lord," he prayed, "help Thou my unbelief. 
Help me to find the way. Help me to believe, to 



32 REALIZATION 

see the light, to live aright, to live the life — O Lord! 
I do not want to profess belief I do not really 
possess. I do not want to be a hypocrite. I do not 
want to lie to myself, and to others, to my mother — 
Jesus, help me." And then his feelings, his yearnings 
became too deep and his heart too full of longing, for 
words, and he prayed the prayer of the heart, the truest 
prayer he had ever prayed. 

And as he prayed he found quiet. The turmoil in 
his soul ceased and he rested in the feeling that some- 
how it would all come right, that while he could not 
see the way out just then, he would find it sometime. 

Feeling comforted, he arose and walked homeward 
in the moonlight. When he had come to the home 
farm he struck into the path from the east pasture and 
soon came to the meadow gate, where he found his 
mother waiting for him. She had not known what was 
keeping him away all day, she had not known which 
way or when he would come home, and she had not 
learned anything about what happened at the church, 
for none of the family except himself had been there 
and the neighbors had not dared to come to tell her 
for the fear of meeting Stanly and starting the ques- 
tion which he had raised, but her mother heart had 
impelled her to wait for him at the meadow gate and 



A MOTHER'S PART 33 

she was not surprised when she saw him coming up the 
path out of the woods. 

Divining that something had happened and feeHng 
that it was best for him to tell it in his own way and 
time, she said nothing but waited for him to speak. 

"Have you heard?'* he asked her. 

**No, I have heard nothing, Stanly," she replied. 
"What is it?'* 

He did not answer her for a time but stood and 
wondered dully how she would see it, how his sermon, 
his doubts and fears would appear to her. Now that 
he was trying to give an account of it to some one 
else, his actions seemed rather childish. The situation 
brought out the strong contrast between them and the 
actions of others who had filled the pulpit that he had 
unsuccessfully tried to fill. He saw in an instant how 
different he was from all the others; how he had set 
at naught the years and experience of men old enough 
to be his grandfather, some of the teachings of the 
church, some of its time-honored traditions; and what 
had seemed to him dishonest sophistries a few hours 
before seemed now, in his moment of doubt of him- 
self, the possible explanations of difficult passages; ex- 
planations and interpretations which were beyond his 
understanding. He could not see how all of these older 



34 



REALIZATION 



men could be wrong and he, just a boy, be right. And 
he felt ashamed of himself where but a moment before, 
he had been merely perplexed and confused. He 
turned away his face that his mother might not see his 
shame and confessed to her his fault, feeling that he 
must confess and set himself right with her, at least, 
if he could not set himself right with all the others who 
had heard his foolish speech. 

"I'm afraid, mother,*' he said, "that I made a sad 
fool of myself today. Brother Bacon could not come 
to church today and sent word that did not reach us 
till just before the meeting, and they called on me to 
take the pulpit. I was glad to have the chance, for I 
felt that I could preach a good sermon and I wanted 
to do what I could for the church. I took the text 
And these signs shall folloTv them that believe, and 
did very well till I came to the place where I sought 
to explain the verse the^ shall Zap their hands on the 
sick and the^ shall recover, and then something went 
wrong and I could not remember what I had always 
thought that meant ; I could not make it mean anything 
except just what it said, and I could not see how it 
meant anyone but me and all the rest who pretend to 
believe in Jesus' word and divinity; and I could not 
say that we could lay our hands on the sick and heal 



A MOTHER'S PART 35 

them for I knew that there was not one there who would 
even have the faith to try ; and I could not say that this 
was untrue. I could not make anything out of it except 
that we do not believe, that we are all unbelievers and 
hypocrites, and I could not go on. I just stood there Kke 
I had lost my wits, and I had, almost, till Brother Davis 
came and put his hands on my shoulder to ask me what 
was wrong, or wake me up, or something, and then be- 
fore I thought, I told them what that passage meant to 
me, what the whole text then meant to me, that it was 
Jesus' last and greatest, His supreme promise and an 
injunction as well, and that if those signs did not prove 
our faith we either did not believe, or else that Jesus 
had lied to us. And I asked them whether they had 
ever healed the sick by the laying on of hands, in His 
name, and whether any of them had faith to try it then 
and I wound up by telling them that I could not preach 
again till I could prove to them that I believed by show- 
ing them the signs that Jesus had said would follow on 
belief and trust in Him and His message. And then 
I left there and wandered without knowing where I was 
going till I came to the bluff above Joe Richardson's 
place, and I've been there all the rest of the day try- 
ing to find out where I stood and what I had done. At 
sunset I prayed — " He stopped without finishing the 



36 REALIZATION 

sentence and waited for her to pass judgment upon his 
actions. 

He waited in a very different attitude of mind from 
that with which he had started to tell her his story. 
He was again convinced of the truth of his position, 
and the importance of his own opinion had again over- 
shadowed the opinions and traditions of the church, 
in his mind. He was now ready to defend his inter- 
pretation of the text against the objections of even his 
mother. 

She was silent for a long time, a time long enough 
to start him again to doubting himself, before she spoke. 

"No, Stanly," she said, "you did not make a fool of 
yourself. A man cannot make a fool of himself when 
he speaks from his heart what he sincerely believes. 
If you believe what you said, and I know that you 
did, you did the only honest and sensible thing in say- 
ing it. You would have made a fool of yourself if 
you had done otherwise. Of course, the people will 
very likely think that you have done as you have ac- 
cused yourself of doing, and they would as likely have 
applauded you for beating around the bush and telling 
them what they had always heard and already be- 
lieved and what left them with their respect for them- 
selves; but that would not matter to you if you are 



A MOTHER'S PART 37 

as honest and sincere as I would have you and as I 
think that you are. The only thing that can matter to 
you is whether or not your actions are sincere expres- 
sions of your thoughts. The honest man never makes 
a fool of himself however much other folk may 
think that he has. If you believe what you said, you 
did only right in saying it, and I am proud of you for 
being honest when it hurt so much to be." 

"I do believe it," he replied. "I do believe it and I 
would have to say the same thing again if placed under 
the same circumstances. I see no way to get around 
it; it is either true or untrue and if true, and I think 
that I believe that it is, we either believe or do not be- 
lieve and I cannot think that we believe when we can- 
not do what Jesus' promise says that we can. No, I 
can make nothing else of it. We do not believe." 

"It looks like you are right," she said when he had 
stopped. "I see no fault with your reasoning but I 
have not studied the text very much and I cannot help 
you out with it till I have. Besides that, you will have 
to fight this out for yourself as you have had to fight 
all of your other battles of faith. It does not help you 
for me to do your thinking for you and you do not need 
me to do it. You would not be able to understand 
what I meant if I should try to explain it to you, till 



38 REALIZATION 

you had made your mind capable of producing the 
thought I might express and it cannot help you to de- 
velop your mind for me to tell you things that you do 
not understand. For this reason I shall not make much 
effort to assist you in this. Take your Bible and go 
apart by yourself, away from other men and what they 
have thought and said, and study the whole thing from 
beginning to end and see, there may be something that 
will give you yet another light which will show you the 
way even clearer than you now see it and remove and 
blot out all of your difficulties." 

They stood together for some time without saying 
anything more and then Stanly said as much to him- 
self as to her, "I believe that I will find the way, that 
I will come to understand or, if I already understand 
that there must be some way, that I shall be able to 
show the signs that Jesus said would follow. When 
I prayed tonight, I seemed to grow into a realization 
of peace and trust in the outcome of my difficulty and 
I still feel that peace and trust when I can forget for 
the moment the difference between the stand that I 
have so suddenly taken and the stand taken by the 
other people of our church. Can it be, mother, that 
all of these are wrong and I am right? Can it be that 
I have found what they have all missed for so long, or 



A MOTHERS PART 39 

that I have been the first to refuse to cover up and go 
around and lie to myself about what I feared to ac- 
cept? How is this possible?" 

"Now Stanly," she said, "I want you to stop right 
where you are and take stock of yourself. You must 
forget all about what others think about this or any 
other matter that does not affect your relations with 
them. This is a matter between you and your own Cre- 
ator and Christ Jesus your Savior, and can be decided 
only by you. What others think about it can matter 
only to them unless you choose to make them judges 
for you, and even then you are in reality deciding that 
their opinion is the best and the decision is none the 
less yours. This is something that you have to decide. 
Others cannot decide it for you, and for you to even 
consider them in it is likely to lead you into the most 
grievous error of making their opinion of you the re- 
ward you seek rather than the feeling that you are be- 
ing honest with your God and Savior. Besides that, 
you run the risk of taking pride in what you may easily 
regard as a discovery of yours and from that mistake 
it is not far to the greater one of drawing comparisons 
between yourself and them, and thinking of yourself 
as a brave explorer of new fields, a prophet and a re- 
former, at which pass, you will without doubt begin 



40 REALIZATION 

truly making a fool of yourself, for you will no longer 
be honest with yourself nor with anyone else. You will 
begin to pose and look about for followers and it will 
not be long from this till you are as prideful and snob- 
bish as possible. 

"Leave other people and their opinions out of this 
matter when you are deciding whether you are right: 
There is time enough to consider what they think 
after you have decided. It need not matter to you 
whether this has been known before or whether you 
have only just discovered it. Nothing in man's past, 
present, or future relations with it can make any differ- 
ence in its truth and the truth is all that concerns you. 
Be honest, my boy, and the rest will not matter, and if 
you would be honest in this, leave other people out of 
the question. Do not ask even me for an opinion till 
you have made your decision, and I shall not volunteer 
it, of that you may be sure. Come to me and tell me 
what you think, when you wish, and I will help you to 
clearer thinking if I see any flaws in your reasoning, 
but you must not ask me or anyone else to decide the 
question for you; you must make that decision for 
yourself.'* 

Stanly did not reply and they both fell silent and 
after awhile walked up to the house and without; a 



A MOTHERS PART 41 

word, parted for the night. She understood perfectly 
what was in his mind but he Httle guessed how she 
yearned to take him into her motherly arms and com- 
fort and quiet him, if she dared. But she thought 
more of his future peace and development than of his 
present ease and understood that if she gave him any 
assistance now, she would only help to lay the founda- 
tion for a future dependence and the attendant doubts 
and uncertainties. She realized that he was now in a 
confused state of mind and that what he mistook for 
trustful peace was in part at least, mental inactivity, 
the resultant reaction from the period of turmoil through 
which he had just passed. And she knew that when 
he had rested and his mind returned to the problem, 
he would be again assailed by the old doubts of him- 
self that he would, in spite of his efforts to prevent it, 
in spite of her advice and her warning, contrast his own 
opinions with the opinions of others and that it would 
only make it all the harder for him if she did anything 
to help him now. She was suffering the mother's pain 
of seeing her child compelled by nature, to fight its 
battles alone and unaided, but she suffered in silence, 
and he never understood. 



CHAPTER IV. 
THE BEGINNING OF THE SEARCH. 

"Seek and ye shall find, knock and it shall open unto you." 

A WEEK had passed before his mind recovered 
from the stupor that followed that memorable 
Sunday's experiences. It was a week spent, to all out- 
ward appearances, much as he had spent the others 
which immediately preceded it except that he no longer 
studied the Bible and was more silent about his work, 
but it was a time very different in reality from any other 
equal period in his whole previous life. His reason 
seemed asleep and his whole mind was torpid. He 
would take up his Bible and try to read but he could 
not become interested in it; he could not even read his 
other books nor take any interest in conversation. He 
had gone through a greater strain than anyone real- 
ized, himself least of all, and his mind was taking a 
rest. 

When Sunday morning had come again, before he 
had given the matter thought, he prepared to go to 
church as it was his habit, and then, just when he was 



THE BEGINNING OF THE SEARCH 43 

ready to go, came the thought of his failure of the week 
before and he reahzed that he would find attendance 
at the little church in the woods anything but pleasant 
that morning. He saw that he could not go. He put 
his horse back into the pasture, an unexpected vacation 
for which it was properly grateful, and got his Bible 
and went down to the grove around the spring to think 
it over. 

Then the problem was revived with all of its force. 
His mind was fully awake to his difficulty once more. 
He was no longer the dawdler. He was now intensely 
alive and interested and if he had wished to ever so 
much, he could not have taken his attention from his 
subject. 

He went over again the events of that last Sunday 
and tried to discover any possible loophole that would 
suffer him to think that he could honestly have acted 
otherwise; and he could not find it. He could see no 
place where he could have done other than he did and 
he could see nothing that would permit him to think 
that he was wrong in his decision. Jesus* words could 
mean nothing else than what they said and he could 
not imagine how he had dodged their meaning so long 
as he had, now that he saw them in their true light. 
He would not think it possible that all the ministers to 



44 REALIZATION 

whom he had listened in the same and other pulpits, 
had failed to see it as he now saw it, and yet he could 
not see how it was possible for them to stand in what 
was to him, the most sacred, the most important posi- 
tion that a man could occupy; stand as the minister of 
God to men and betray his trust with both by lying 
to one about the other, as he would do, who would 
twist the text around to make it seem to mean some- 
thing that he knew it does not mean. 

"But perhaps they did not see it," he thought. "Per- 
haps they were so blinded by tradition and time-hon- 
ored teaching that they could not see its real meaning 
but saw only what their teachers had taught them to 
see in it, what their parishioners wanted them to see. 
It cannot be, no, it is unbelievable that they could have 
seen it as I do and yet preached like the laity wanted 
them to in order to hold their positions. They would 
not do such a thing as that while standing as ministers 
of God. They have not seen it, that is certain ! They 
are God's ministers and would be true to that trust, 
no matter what came of it. They could not be liars 
in such a position!" 

And then he drifted into reverie, a reverie that car- 
ried him far into the future that he had mapped out 
for himself before he had closed the doors of the pul- 



THE BEGINNING OF THE SEARCH 45 

pit by his innovation. He thought again of the great 
work that he would do, how he would talk to the peo- 
ple from his precarious position half in and half out of 
the grave, talk to them of the true life and the heaven 
of eternal bliss beyond the grave, till the very gates of 
death shut to and stilled his voice ; how he would make 
them listen to him and how he would convince them 
that he spoke truth, that Jesus* way was the only way ; 
and how he would at last die happy, no matter how 
soon or late that might be, conscious that he had done 
his best for God and man while he had strength to do at 
all. He went over again the circumstances which 
favored his success in this mission, and thought of how 
he was exceptionally placed for just this work, for he 
knew that life for him was but a few years at best; 
there was no one who depended upon him for support, 
and money and earthly rewards meant nothing to him 
and, hence, there would be no tendency for him 
to commercialize his message or his efforts. Neither 
would there be any inducement to step aside from the 
path he had laid out to follow, and he could do this 
work sincerely and whole-heartedly as it should be 
done; give his life, all that was left of it, without re- 
serve, to this one purpose. 

As he reviewed his old plans, he forgot for the mo- 



46 REALIZATION 

ment, that this was but another broken dream of the 
past, that this ministry had been interrupted by his own 
action as his other ministry to the sick had been inter- 
rupted by fate. He forgot for the moment that he had 
renounced the pulpit and had effectually closed the 
doors of the church's inner circle against himself, that 
he must always hereafter be an alien among the people 
whom he had intended to lift up to the sublimest heights 
of religious realization, and it was with a distinct shock 
that he again realized what he had done, how he had 
placed himself with his fellows, had shattered his last 
and dearest dream. 

"Why did I do it?'* he asked himself. "Why did 
I have to do it? Why could I not go on as I started, 
as many another has gone on before me and will 
doubtless go on after me, and see in the words of Jesus 
what has always been seen in them, what has helped 
so many people and what they want me to see now? 
Why did I have to be different from the others? 

"I could have helped them, I know that I could 
have helped them, for I have nothing else to live for, 
nothing to distract me, nothing to do but deliver my 
message to them before I die. Why could I not give 
it to them? I could have helped them, I know that I 
could. I did help them before I did the foolish thing 



THE BEGINNING OF THE SEARCH 47 

that made it impossible for me to ever face them again. 
I could feel that I was giving them new hfe, a new 
inspiration and I could do it again and do it better if 
I had only left for myself the smallest chance. Why 
did I do it? 

**I did so want to be a preacher. And now I can 
neither be a doctor nor a preacher. I can't be any- 
thing. And no wonder? It was the height of pre- 
sumption for me to even aspire to stand before men 
as the minister of God on earth and nothing short of 
criminal for me to think of going into the sickroom 
with my tendency to streaks of Quixotism and my un- 
happy faculty for seeing things differently from every- 
one else. Fm a fool, and it's a good thing that I'm 
finding it out." 

Delivering this heroic speech to the leaves above his 
head, with a deep conviction born in his disappoint- 
ment and a galling bitterness of heart, he arose to re- 
lieve his emotions with movement, when the Bible which 
had lain the while unnoticed in his lap, fell to his feet 
and attracted his attention. This diverted his mind 
from his bitter thoughts of self condemnation. He took 
up the book and sat down again and began idly turn- 
ing through its pages. It seemed fated to keep his 
trouble before his mind for it turned easily to the last 



48 REALIZATION 

chapter of Mark and there again staring up at him, 
compelling his attention, was the text upon which he 
had wrecked his prospect for a successful ministry. 

Half automatically he read it through and again 
the force of his idea struck him. **No! Fm right!*' 
he almost shouted. "Fm right, it can mean nothing 
else and Fll stand or fall by my belief in Jesus' promise 
and my understanding of His words. Fm right, and 
whether it means eternal damnation or everlasting bliss, 
I must be honest with myself and my God. I guess 
if He had meant for me to be otherwise than as I am 
He would have made me so and I cannot help it if 
He has made me so different from other men. I am 
only what I am and it is not for me to question His 
purposes. Neither is it in my power to say how much 
of what I am is due to my own actions and how much 
of it comes from His hand: I cannot sit in judgment 
on His work. All that I can do is to be honest and if 
I am wrong I shall at least have been sincere and there 
must be some virtue in that. It will be hard but I must 
do it. I cannot go to my Creator as I soon shall have 
to do, with a lie on my lips. I cannot believe one thing 
about my Savior and say another even if all my 
friends, my mother and all of humanity say I am wrong 
and ask me to recant." 



THE BEGINNING OF THE SEARCH 49 

And kneeling he prayed again for help from the 
God on high, who was so very real to him, whose- in- 
terest in his welfare he never doubted. 

**0 Lord," he prayed, "help me ! Give me strength ! 
Keep me innocent of lies about you!" 

It was a simple prayer and a brief one, but it was 
one that meant much to the ardent boy under the burr 
oak. His rantings and heroics were very serious to him 
at that time. Life was very real and exceedingly earnest 
and his difficulty the most important thing in the whole 
world. He has smiled since to think how he posed as 
a very heroic figure before himself while passing through 
his stress period, how he magnified the attitude of his 
neighbors towards his offense and how his enthusiasm, 
an enthusiasm which amounted almost to fanaticism, 
distorted everything out of all just proportion. But 
he did not see things in this light that day nor for many 
a long day thereafter. It was all very real and im- 
portant then. 

Rising from his knees he again opened his Bible. 
"Let*s see," he said, "Jesus said other things like this. 
Let*s see how they agree with this last promise as I 
understand it. Yes, here in the 1 2th verse of the 1 4th 
chapter of John He says the same thing in other words, 
Veril^t verily, I say unto you, he that helieveth on 



50 REALIZATION 

me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater 
Tvorks than these shall he do; because I go unto mp 
Father * * * And whatsoever ye shall ask in 
my name, that will I do, that the Father may he glori- 
fied in the Son. That can mean nothing else than 
just what it says and He was not speaking of the dis- 
ciples entirely, either, for He does not say, You that 
believeth, but he that helieveth, and then back here 
in the sixth verse He says, NO man cometh unto the 
Father, hut by me! He doesn't refer there to just the 
few men that He is addressing. He is talking of all 
men. It is plain enough that He means just what He 
says. 

"Why should I try to twist it around to make it 
mean something that will make my belief easier and 
not put it to any tests? I see no reason for distorting 
this and the other verse to mean what it evidently does 
not in order that I may be able to appear to others to 
have a belief which I evidently do not possess, for that 
would profit me nothing else; it would not make my 
belief any more acceptable in His eyes but would really 
make me less a follower of and believer in Jesus and 
His message. No ! He means just what He says and 
nothing else, and when I have really come to believe 
in Him these signs shall prove it. Till then evidently 



THE BEGINNING OF THE SEARCH 51 

I do not believe, however much I may think that I do. 

"I guess I am like the disciples when they could not 
cure the lunatic. Let me see, where is that? Yes 
here it is in the seventeenth chapter of Matthew; Jesus 
tells them that they failed because of their unbelief. 
He said, // i?e have faith as a grain of mustard seeJ, 
i?e shall sa}^ unto this mountain. Remove hence to 
fonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall 
he impossible unto pou. And I believe that He was 
talking as much to me and the other believers of this 
and all other generations as to His disciples, for He 
has said that he comes for the whole world and I do 
not see how if such faith would enable those men to 
move mountains, it would not do the same for me. 
Here it is (1 John, 2 :2) , and he is the propitiation for 
our sins; and not for ours on/p, hut also for the sins 
of the tvhole TPorld, And it is evident from this that 
faith or belief in Him, that is, in the actuality of His 
existence, is not sufficient, for His disciples could not 
have doubted that He lived while He was among them ; 
they must have doubted the truth of His words or their 
own power to execute His injunctions, or perhaps, 
they doubted their own belief. Whatever their doubt 
it was of some other nature than a doubt of the reality 
of Jesus. It is evident then, that He meant by belief. 



52 REALIZATION 

something more than the beHef we profess when we say 
that we beHeve that He was the Son of God and all 
that, when we testify at meeting. It must be some 
greater faith than that which is content with words 
and the more or less perfunctory observance of mean- 
ingless rites and rituals; it must mean something more 
than anything connected with our church services and 
experiences, for on this sort of belief the signs that He 
said would follow on the right kind of belief, the kind 
that He considered belief; on the kind of belief that 
we profess and think that we possess, these signs have 
never followed. None of us can show them. We do 
not believe!" 

Again his old doubts were revived and again he 
went over in his mind the reasons for and against his 
idea that he did not possess the belief that Jesus had 
spoken of to His disciples. When he had gone over 
the whole ground again, he turned once more to his 
Bible to see what he could find there relating to the 
subject. 

In the nineteenth verse of the eighteenth chapter of 
Matthew he found what seemed to him a further con- 
firmation of his idea that Jesus had not limited his 
promise to just the few to whom He spoke and that 
He had not limited the scope of His promise. He read. 



THE BEGINNING OF THE SEARCH 53 

Again I sap unio you. That if two of you shall agree 
on earth as touching anything that they shall ask, it 
shall he done for them of my Father "which is in 
heaven. To the puzzled boy this seemed a promise 
to him and all other men of all time. 

Then in the next verse he found the further assur- 
ance, For where two or three are gathered together 
in my name, there am I in the midst of them,'* 

"There," he said, "that says nothing about apply- 
ing to only a few people of one time, but evidently 
includes all men of all time. Yes, without doubt He 
was the savior of all men as well as of a few and if 
He was their savior in one sense, if He made some of 
His promises to all. He surely made all of them for all 
men as well. John thought that Jesus came for the 
whole world and we have been taught all of our lives 
that He is our Savior as well as the King of the Jews 
in the moral and other senses in which we were not 
afraid to accept Him; why should we not accept His 
promises in other things as well? I guess it will not 
make much difference to Him that we are afraid to 
accept Him in this sense as well as the others. At any 
rate. He will not think any more of our faith in Him 
on account of our cowardice. 

**It is evident th^t the disciples had this sanie notion 



54 REALIZATION 

that Jesus meant for all who beHeved in Him to heal 
the sick, for here in James' General Epistle to the 
Twelve Tribes he says in the fourteenth and fifteenth 
verses of the fifth chapter, Vs an^ sick among you ? let 
him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray 
over him, anointing him ivith oil in the name of the 
Lord: And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, 
and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have com- 
mitted sins, they shall he forgiven him.' This he in- 
cludes with his other instructions and exhortations in 
a manner that places it on a par with everything else 
he says. He does not speak of it as if it were some- 
thing figurative to be twisted around to mean other 
than what it says, neither does he mention it as some- 
thing of special significance as if he thought it were a 
special thing to be dropped or disregarded upon occa- 
sion. He evidently regards this as an essential part of 
the message that Jesus brought to man, a part of the 
work that He left for him to do. If Jesus had intended 
for the healing of the sick to be limited to the disciples 
or the 'seventy' he would have been very apt to make 
this plain to them and James would not be found in- 
structing other later believers that they could do the 
same thing and in such a manner that he evidently 
takes for granted their compliance and success. I 
guess if I have misunderstood Jesus' message, I am not 
alone in my fault, for at least one of His disciples has 
understood it to have the same meaning." 



CHAPTER V. 
THE VALUE OF FAITH. 

"If ye have faith as a srrain of mustard seed, * * ♦ nothing 
shall be impossible unto you." — (Matt. 17:30.) 

MUCH COMFORTED by the thought that his 
understanding of Jesus' words was the same as 
that of his intimate pupils while on earth, Stanly 
searched further through the Bible to see if it offered 
further verification of this idea. 

He found that the disciples and the apostles attached 
much importance to healing as a part of their work. 
For instance in Acts he read (5:11-12-15-16): And 
great fear came upon all the church, and upon as many 
as heard these things. And by the hands of the apostles 
Were many signs and wonders wrought among the peo- 
ple, * * * Insomuch that they brought forth 
the sick into the streets, and laid them on beds and 
couches, that at least the shadow of Peter passing by 
might overshadow some of them. There came also 
a multitude out of the cities round about unto Jerusa- 
lem, bringing sick folks, and them which were vexed 
with unclean spirits: and they were healed every one! 



56 REALIZATION 

(Acts 3:2) And a certain man lame from his 
mother s womb was carried, whom they laid dail]) at 
the gate of the temple which is called Beautiful, to ask 
alms of them that entered into the temple; 

(6) Then Peter said. Silver and gold have I 
none; but such as I have give I thee: In the name of 
Jesus Christ of Nazareth rise up and walk* 

(7) And he took him by the right hand, and lifted 
him up: and immediately his feet and ancle bones re- 
ceived strength. 

(Acts 8:6) And the people with one accord gave 
heed unto those things which Philip spake, hearing and 
seeing the miracles which he did, 

(7) For unclean spirits, crying with loud voice, 
came out of many that were possessed with them: and 
many taken with palsies, and that were lame, were 
healed. 

(Acts 9:33) And there he found a certain man 
named Aeneas, which had k^pt his bed eight years, 
and was sick of the palsy. 

(34) And Peter said unto him, Aeneas, Jesus 
Christ maketh thee whole: arise, and make thy bed. 
And he arose immediately. 

(Acts 9:36) Now there was at Joppa a certain 
disciple named Tabitha, which by interpretation is 



THE VALUE OF FAITH 57 

called Dorcas: this woman was full of good works and 
alms deeds which she did, 

(37) And it came to pass in those da^s, thai she 
was sick, <^nd died: whom when the^ had washed, the]) 
laid her in an upper chamber, 

(40) But Peter put them all forth, and kneeled 
down, and prated; and turning him to the body said, 
Tabitha, arise. And she opened her eyes: and when 
she saw Peter, she sat up, 

(Acts 14:8) And there sat a certain man at Lus- 
tra, impotent in his feet, being a cripple from his moth- 
er's womb, who never had walked: 

(9) The same heard Paul speak: who steadfastly 
beholding him, and perceiving that he had faith to be 
healed, 

(10) Said with a loud voice. Stand upright on thy 
feet. And he leaped and walked. 

(ActsI6:16) And it came to pass, as we went to 
prayer, a certain damsel possessed with a spirit of divi- 
nation met us, which brought her masters much gain 
by soothsaying, 

(18) And this did she many days. But Paul, be- 
ing grieved, turned and said to the spirit, I command 
thee in the name of Jesus Christ, to come out of her. 
And he came out the same hour. 



58 REALIZATION 

(Acts ]9:11) And Cod rvrought special miracles 
tp the hands of Paul. 

(12) So that from his body were brought unto the 
sick handkerchiefs or aprons, and the diseases departed 
from them, and the evil spirits went out of them. 

(Acts 20:9) And there sat in a window a certain 
}^oung man named Eut]^chus, being fallen into a deep 
sleep: and as Paul Was long preaching, he sunk down 
with sleep, and fell down from the third loft, and was 
taken up dead. 

(10) And Paul went down, and fell on him, and 
embracing him said. Trouble not yourselves; for his 
life is in him. 

(12) And they brought the "young man alive, and 
Were not a little comforted. 

(Acts 28-8) And it came to pass, that the father of 
Publius lay sick of a fever and of a bloody flux: to 
whom Paul entered in, and prayed, and laid his hands 
on him, and healed him. 

(9) So when this was done, others also, which had 
diseases in the island, came, and were healed: 

He found out all of these accounts, which indicate 
that the apostles, after the death of Jesus, paid a great 
deal of attention to the matter of healing the sick, and 
several others, which seemed to him as he read them 



THE VALUE OF FAITH 59 

to indicate that these followers of the Master expected 
others to do the same thing and that they accepted 
this as one of their chief duties in connection with their 
teaching and ministry among the people. All of this 
lent force to his conviction that the disciples under- 
stood Jesus' message as he did. 

He found one place in Acts where Peter said 
(Acts 3:16): And His name through faith in His 
name hath made this man strong, whom ye see and 
know; yea, the faith which is by him hath given him 
this perfect soundness in the presence of you all, 
which meant to him that it was not some special quality 
in Peter which had healed the lame man but rather the 
man's faith in Jesus, the faith that he himself and all of 
the other men and women of their church professed 
but were afraid to put to any crucial test. 

And this gave him a new idea, an idea that para- 
lyzed all thought for a moment. Then when he had 
begun to grasp its full significance, as he did after a 
few moments, the blood surged back to his face and 
his countenance lighted up with a divine hope, and he 
sprang to his feet with the intention of running to tell 
his mother of the great discovery he had made. He 
jumped the little stream that trickled away from the 
spring and ran up the hill. About half way up the 
steep slope he stopped, chilled by a sudden doubt, and 



60 REALIZATION 

turned about and walked slowly back again, now faint 
and sick, when robbed of the hope that had given him 
the new life which had just died out of his eyes. He 
felt that he had hardly strength to get back to his 
Bible under the tree and he chided himself that he 
had forgotten that he was sick and had perhaps over- 
taxed his strength and fatally shortened his life on ac- 
count of an idea which might have no other founda- 
tion than a wild hope. 

But even as he condemned himself for his rashness 
the thought came back to him with almost its former 
force. 

**It is faith that heals and my own faith would heal 
me if I but believed sufficiently,'* he reasoned with him- 
self. **It is the faith of the sick man as often as the 
faith of the healer that does the work. Here Peter 
says that it was the faith of the sick and Jesus has said 
the same thing in regard to some of the cases that He 
healed. And according to the Bible, Jesus Himself 
was limited by the unbelief of the people in Galilee. 
Where is that? Yes, here it is (Matt. 13:58), And 
He did not many mighty works there because of their 
unbelief. The belief of the patient evidently meant 
a great deal to Jesus. Yes, I believe I am right. I 
can heal myself if I can only believe.'* 



THE VALUE OF FAITH 61 

This was the idea which had started him bounding 
to tell his mother and if he had only known it, he prob- 
ably possessed the adequate belief in that brief moment 
that intervened between his grasping the idea and ac- 
knowledging the doubt that stopped him and brought 
him back, sick and worn, to his seat under the tree. 
Now he was doubting himself and his understanding 
of Jesus again. He was, in fact, doubting the power 
of the Word itself. He was doubting everything. 
But he was doubting himself most of all. He could 
not think that Jesus could be wrong and yet he could 
not believe that he had the power in himself to heal 
others, or to heal himself. 

Torn between the new hope he had found and the 
fear that his doubts engendered, he sat there for a long 
time thinking, thinking, seemingly only to get farther 
and farther away from a solution of the question. It 
was long past time for the noonday meal to which 
his brother had called for him loudly enough to be 
heard to the farthest corner of the little farm without 
attracting the attention of the puzzled lad by the spring. 
His mother had started out to look for him and had 
seen him from afar, and guessed his occupation and 
out of consideration for him, thinking that he would do 
better to work out his problems than to be interrupted 



62 REALIZATION 

for a meal that she would be glad to give him when- 
ever she had the opportunity and he was ready for it, 
she had gone back to dinner, telling the others that he 
was all right and to leave him alone. 

After he had spent a long time in the fruitless turn- 
ing over of the question, he again turned to his Bible 
without any definite thought of looking for any par- 
ticular thing, but more with the idea of doing some- 
thing, of occupying his mind with something else than 
the problem that seemed to grow more difficult the 
more he thought of it. It seemed that Fate had deter- 
mined that he should not escape his difficulty, for the 
Bible fell open at the eighteenth chapter of Luke 
where he found the story of the blind man whom Jesus 
cured on the road to Jericho. 

He read it through : 

(Luke 18:35) And it came to pass, that as he "was 
come nigh unto Jericho, a certain blind man sat b^ the 
jvayside begging: 

(36) And hearing the multitudes pass b^, he asked 
what it meant. 

(37) And the-^ told him, that Jesus of Nazareth 
passeth by. 

(38) And he cried, saying, Jesus, thou Son of Da- 
vid, have mercy on me. 



THE VALUE OF FAITH 63 

(39) And they tpMch went before rebuked him, 
that he should hold his peace: but he cried so much the 
more. Thou Son of David, have merc^ on me. 

(40) And Jesus stood, and commanded him to be 
brought unto Him: and when he was come near. He 
asked him, 

(41) Saying, what wilt thou that I shall do unto 
thee? And he said. Lord, that I may receive my 
sight. 

(42) And Jesus said unto him. Receive thy sight: 
thy faith hath saved thee. 

(43) And immediately he received his sight, and 
followed him, glorifying Cod: and all the people, when 
they saw it, gave praise unto Cod. 

When he had come to the end and had seen that 
this was one of the cases where Jesus attributed the re- 
covery of the patient to his own faith, he felt a sudden 
renewal of his confidence in the idea that his own be- 
lief in Jesus would cure him. 

Then he turned to Mark, where he remembered 
that the same story was told again, and there found 
that this disciple had told it as Luke had. (Mark 
10:52) And Jesus said unto him, Co thy way; thy 
faith hath made thee whole, he read. 

He set out to see how often Jesus had said the same 



64 REALIZATION 

thing to others whom He had healed. In the ninth 
chapter of Matthew he found the following: 

(Matt. 9:27) And 'when Jesus departed thence, 
two blind men followed him, crying, and saving. Thou 
Son of David, have mercy on us, 

(28) And when he was come into the house, the 
blind men came to him: and Jesus saith unto them. 
Believe })e that I am able to do this? They said unto 
him. Yea, Lord, 

(29) Then touched he their eyes, saying. Accord- 
ing to your faith be it unto you. 

(30) And their eyes were opened; and Jesus 
straitly charged them, saying. See that no man know it. 

According to your faith be it unto you, he quoted. 
**Not according to Jesus* faith, but according to the 
man's own faith. The man had full faith, I could 
be well also by calling on Jesus' name if I only be- 
lieved." 

Reasoning thus he read them through, as many as 
he found in the whole New Testament. Of these, 
many seemed especially meant to convince him that he 
could heal if he could believe. Here are some more 
of the stories he read : 

(Matt. 8:6) And saying. Lord, my servant lieth 
at home sick of the palsy, grievously tormented. 



THE VALUE OF FAITH 65 

(7) And Jesus saith unto him, I will come and heal 
him, 

(8) The centurion answered and said. Lord, I am 
not worth]) that thou shouldst come under mp roof, hut 
speak the word only, and my servant shall he healed. 

(9) For I am a man under authority, having sol- 
diers under me; and I say to this man, Co, and he go- 
eth; and to another. Come, and he cometh; and to my 
servant. Do this, and he doeth it. 

( 1 0) When Jesus heard it, he marvelled, and said 
to them that followed. Verily I say unto you, I have 
not found so great faith, no, not in Israel. 

(]3) And Jesus said unto the centurion, Co thy 
Way; and as thou hast believed, so he it done unto thee. 
And his servant was healed in the selfsame hour. 

Then he found the same story in the seventh chap- 
ter of Luke with the same reason given for the heal- 
ing of the centurion's servant. 

The next account of heahng which laid special 
emphasis upon the value of the patient's faith was in 
Matthew. 

(Matt. 9:2) And behold, they brought to him a 
man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed: and Jesus see- 
ing their faith said unto the sick of the palsy. Son, be 
of good cheer; thy sins be forgiven thee. 



66 REALIZATION 

pals})). Arise take up thy bed, and go unto thine house. 
(7) And he arose, and departed to his house. 

This account the boy found dupHcated in the sec- 
ond chapter of Mark and the fifth chapter of Luke, 
and in both places Jesus is made to place great stress 
upon the faith shown by those who brought the sick 
man to him. Indeed, in the other two accounts of 
this case of healing the chroniclers tell that the people 
believed so fully in Jesus* power to heal him that they 
thought it worth while to make a hole in the roof to 
let the sick man down into the room at the Master's 
feet. 

Stanly thought of this long, and then found the 
story of the woman with an issue of blood. 

This story he found told briefly in the ninth chapter 
of Matthew and at more length in the gospel of Mark 
and then again in the eighth chapter of Luke. In 
all cases Jesus laid the woman's healing to her faith. 

After he had read these accounts he turned back 
and read again the story as told in Mark. 

(Mark 5:25) And a certain woman, which had 
an issue of blood twelve y^ears, 

(26) And had suffered man}) things of many phy^ 



THE VALUE OF FAITH 67 

sicians, and had spent all that she had, and rvas noth- 
ing bettered, but rather grew worse. 

(27) When she had heard of Jesus, came in the 
press behind, and touched his garment, 

(28) For she said, if I may touch but his clothes, I 
shall be whole. 

(29) And straightway the fountain of her blood 
was dried up; and she felt in her body that she was 
healed of that plague. 

(30) And Jesus, immediately ki^owing in himself 
that virtue had gone out of him, turned him about in 
the press, and said. Who touched my clothes? 

(31) And his disciples said unto him. Thou seest 
the multitude thronging thee, and sayest thou. Who 
touched me? 

(32) And he looked round about to see her who 
had done this thing. 

(33) But the woman, fearmg and trembling, 
knowing what was done in her, came and fell down 
before him, and told him all the truth. 

(34) And he said unto her. Daughter, thy faith 
hath made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole of 
thy plague. 

The reader found many things in this story about 
which to think, but he was so closely wrapped up in 



68 REALIZATION 

his interest in the value of faith in healing, as accom- 
plished by Jesus, that he did not give other points 
much attention, but quickly sought out another account 
bringing out the same idea. Here is the next story he 
found : 

(Matt. 15:22) And, behold, a tpoman of Canaan 
came out of the same coasts, and cried unto him, sa})- 
ing. Have mercy on me, O Lord, thou Son of David: 
My daughter is grievously vexed "with a devil 

(23) But he answered her not a word. And his 
disciples came and besought him, saying. Send her 
aivay; for she crieth after us. 

(24) But he ans'wered and said, I am not sent but 
unto the lost sheep of the house of Israel. 

(25) Then came she and worshipped him, saying. 
Lord, help me. 

(26) But he answered and said. It is not meet to 
take the children s bread, and to cast it to the dogs. 

(27) And she said. Truth, Lord: yet the dogs eat 
of the crumbs which fall from their masters^ table. 

(28) Then Jesus answered and said unto her, O 
woman, great is thy faith; be it unto thee even as thou 
wilt. And her daughter was made whole from that 
very hour. 



THE VALUE OF FAITH 69 

Great is thy jaiih, great is thy faith, he quoted. 
"Jesus attached so much importance to faith that he 
seemed to almost make that a necessary condition to 
healing. Let's see ; Where is that about the faith as a 
grain of mustard seed?" And he turned again to his 
Bible. 

(Matt. 17:14) And vjhen they were come to the 
multitude, there came to him a certain man, kneeling 
down to him, and saying, 

(15) Lord, have mercy on my son: for he is luna- 
tick, and sore vexed: for ofttimes he falleth into the 
fire, and oft into the water, 

(16) And I brought him to thy disciples, and they 
could not cure him. 

( 1 7) Then Jesus answered and said, O faithless 
and perverse generation, how long shall I he with you ? 
how long shall I suffer you? Bring him hither to me. 

(18) And Jesus rebuked the devil, and he departed 
out of him: and the child Was cured from that very 
hour. 

(19) Then came the disciples to Jesus apart, and 
said. Why could not we cast him out? 

(20) And Jesus said unto them. Because of your 
unbelief: for verily I say unto you. If you have faith 
as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this moun- 



70 REALIZATION 

tain. Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall re- 
move; and nothing shall he impossible unto you. 

When he had finished reading this account in Mat- 
thew and the accounts of the same incident that are to 
be found in the ninth chapter of Mark and the ninth 
chapter of Luke he leaned back against the tree and 
wondered about what he had read. 

"Not only did He attach importance to the sick per- 
son's faith but he evidently attributed His disciples' 
failure to their lack of faith. And then He said that 
a mountain could be moved by a very little real faith 
and I don't believe he meant a figurative mountain, 
either, for He pointed out a real mountain. ^Yonder 
mountain,* He said." 

Then the puzzled lad found out and read as many 
more of these stories as he could. The next he read 
was in Mark. 

(Mark 5:22) And, behold, there cometh one of 
the rulers of the synagogue, Jairus by name; and when 
he saw Him, he fell at His feet 

(23) And besought him greatly, saying. My little 
daughter lieth at the point of death: I pray thee, 
come and lay thy hands on her, that she may be healed; 
and she shall live, 

(35) While he yet spake, there came from the 



THE VALUE OF FAITH 71 

ruler of the synagogues house certain XDhich said, Th^ 
daughter is dead: ip/it; trouhlest thou the Master an^ 
further? 

(36) As soon as Jesus heard the word that was 
spoken. He saith unto the ruler of the synagogue. Be 
not afraid, only believe. 

(38) And He Cometh to the house of the ruler of 
the synagogue, and seeth the tumult, and them that 
wept and wailed greatly. 

(39) And when He was come in. He saith unto 
them. Why make ye this ado, and weep? the damsel 
is not dead, hut sleepeth. 

(40) And they laughed Him to scorn. But when 
He had put them all out. He taketh the father and the 
mother of the damsel, and them that were with Him, 
and entereth in where the damsel was lying. 

(41) And He took the damsel by the hand, and 
said unto her, Talithacumi; which is, being interpreted. 
Damsel, I say unto thee, arise. 

(42) And straightway the damsel arose, and 
Walked; for she was of the age of twelve years. And 
they were astonished with a great astonishment. 

And again, the same story in Luke. 
(Luke 8:41) And behold, there came a man 
named Jairus, and he was a ruler of the synagogue; 



11 REALIZATION 

and he fell down at Jesus feet, and besought Him 
that He rvould come into his house, 

(42) For he had one onl^ daughter about trvelve 
^ears of age and she la^ a-dying. But as he went 
the people thronged Him. 

(49) While he yet spake, there cometh one from 
the ruler of the synagogue's house, saying to him. Thy 
daughter is dead; trouble not the Master. 

(50) But when Jesus heard it. He answered him, 
saying. Fear not: believe only, and she shall be made 
whole. 

(51) And when He came into the house. He suf- 
fered no man to go in, save Peter, and James, and 
John, and the father and the mother of the maiden. 

(52) And all wept, and bewailed her: but He said. 
Weep not; she is not dead, but sleepeth. 

(53) And they laughed Him to scorn, k^^owing 
that she was dead. 

(54) And He put them all out, and took her by 
the hand, and called, saying. Maid, arise. 

(55) And her spirit came again, and she arose 
straightway; and He commanded to give her meat. 

And, finally, the story of the healing of another sick 
boy whom He did not even go to see. 

(John 4:46) So Jesus came again into Cana of 



THE VALUE OF FAITH 73 

Calilee, Tpfiere He made the "Water wine. And there 
was a certain nobleman, whose son was sick ^^ Caper- 
naum. 

(47) When he heard that Jesus was come out of 
Judea into Galilee, he Went unto Him, and besought 
Him that He would come down, and heal his son: 
for he was at the point of death. 

(48) Then said Jesus unto him. Except ye see 
signs and wonders, ye "will not believe. 

(49) The nobleman saith unto Him, Sir, come 
down ere mp child die. 

(50) Jesus saith unto him, Co thy way; thy son 
liveth. And the man believed the word that Jesus 
had spoken unto him, and he went his way. 

(51 ) And as he Was now going down, his servants 
met him, and told him, saying. Thy son liveth. 

(52) Then inquired he of them the hour when he 
began to amend. And they said unto him. Yesterday 
at the seventh hour the fever left him. 

(53) So the father k^ew that it was at the same 
hour, in the which Jesus said unto him. Thy son Kv- 
eth: and himself believed, and his whole house. 

When he had read through the last account Stanly 
closed his Bible and leaned back against the trunk of 
the tree under which he was sitting, to think over what 
he had read. 



74 REALIZATION 

"All of these were cured of their diseases because 
of their belief in Jesus. It is impossible that this is 
just the idea of the disciples who wrote the occurrences, 
for it is the same in all of them. They all tell of His 
saying the same thing, According to your belief be 
it unto you, * * * // thou canst believe, all things are 
possible to him that believeth, * * * Thy faith hath 
saved thee, * * * ^s thou hast believed, so be it done 
unto thee; * * * Thy faith hath made thee whole, 

* * * Great is thy faith: be it unto thee even as thou 
rvilt; ^ ^ ^ If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, 

* * * Be not afraid, only believe all proofs of the 
value that Jesus set upon belief in Him, also proofs 
that where faith really exists the sick can be healed 
and the dead raised up. In fact, it would seem that 
anything else that the believer desired would be done 
for him." 

Opening his Bible again, Stanly hunted for a verse 
that he dimly remembered having read there. He 
found it in Mark, the 24th verse of the eleventh chap- 
ter: Therefore, I say unto you. What things soever 
ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, 
and ye shall have them. 

"Here," he thought, "is another promise that the 
prayer of faith will do whatever is desired by the be- 



THE VALUE OF FAITH 75 

liever. Jesus does not limit His promise, why should 
I? He does not say. What things soever I think it 
is best for ye to have, nor. If God wants ye to have 
these things ye shall receive them, nor, My disciples 
shall have whatever they pray for, but He says, What 
things soever ye desire, placing no limit whatever on 
the things that the prayer of faith will bring to the 
believer.'* 

He found a further verification of this idea in the 
verse just preceding that one. There he read, Have 
faith in Cod, For veril]) I sap unto you. That who- 
soever shall say unto this mountain. Be thou removed, 
and he thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in 
his heart, hut shall believe that those things which he 
saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he 
saith, 

"There," he said to himself, "Jesus says plainly, 
whosoever, and that means not only just the dis- 
ciples, but, rather, any person on earth who really be- 
lieves. The trouble with us is that we do not believe. 
We are not like the man who thought it unnecessary 
for Jesus to even go to his house to heal his servant. 
He thought that Jesus had only to command it to be 
for it to come about and the result followed. And in 
this case it was the belief of another that healed the 
man, not even the patient had to believe; if some one 



76 REALIZATION ' 

only believed that was enough. And then I profess 
to believe in Jesus, I get up in the church and say that 
I believe in Him and His word at the same time that I 
am expecting to die before I have lived out my time of 
usefulness on earth; at the same time that I know that 
He has said that if one believes he can do anything that 
he wishes, and a whole lot more to the same effect. 
I'm a hypocrite and that is all that there is to it. I 
just do not believe and it is no excuse for me that none 
of the other members of the church are any more gen- 
uine than I. That is no excuse for me. If they want 
to go on professing to lies and comforting themselves 
with sophistries and the satisfaction of having their 
neighbor's approval, bought with the same coin of de- 
ceit, that is their privilege, but it does not give me any 
excuse for doing likewise. That is something that is 
between me and my Creator and Jesus Christ. He is 
my judge, not they. 

**I am a hypocrite and a liar about my belief in 
Jesus or else He is a liar and undeserving of my trust, 
and that I'll never believe, even though I never learn 
to believe in Him as He would have me do. He has 
made us promises without any limit placed upon them. 
He has promised us anything that we want if we will 
but produce the conditions for the fulfillment of thos^ 



THE VALUE OF FAITH 77 

promises and we, because we do not produce those con- 
ditions; because we do not believe, because we doubt 
Him and ourselves and God and everything; because 
we fail to receive without doubt what He has said 
would come to us only as the result of believing, set in 
judgment on His words, twist them around to make it 
seem that we have done what He has demanded of us 
and that He has given us everything that we would 
merit if we had fulfilled His wishes, and then, to cap 
it all, we set ourselves up in judgment on each other; 
make us some creeds and appoint deacons and minis- 
ters to say when we have fulfilled our part of the con- 
tract with Jesus; when we believe in Him and when 
we are entitled to call ourselves His followers. O! 
We are nice Christians, all right! We are followers 
of the Gentle One ! We are believers ! 

"No, we're none of these things. We're liars and 
hypocrites and fools and arrogant, bigoted Pharisees 
who would make ourselves judges of each other in 
spite of the fact that He has told us to not judge each 
other, and then, not content with that, we make our- 
selves judges of God and Jesus and their words and 
pretend to stand as arbiters between God and other 
men, saying when our brothers believe and when they 
do not believe. Jesus did not ask anyone to do that. 



78 REALIZATION 

He did not even do it Himself, He said that there 
were certain signs that would show the believer to the 
world. The things that He could do were the wit- 
nesses of the believer. His actions were his own 
judges in Jesus' eyes. And the only reason that these 
signs do not follow the professed behevers in Jesus 
in these later days, is that they do not believe. In the 
earlier days the people believed. No wonder they were 
cured of their ills when they would set their sick out 
in the streets in order that the shadow of Peter might 
fall on them as he passed and, falling on them, cure 
them. They believed so in Jesus that they expected 
even the shadow of one of His disciples to cure people 
who were so sick that they had to be carried into the 
streets in their beds. No wonder they could be healed 
by the word, or by the touching of a garment, or by 
the passing of a shadow. Nowadays, if someone were 
to come to Jesus and ask to be healed he would be 
surprised if it really happened. 

"We're all like the old woman who read the elev- 
enth chapter of Mark and then decided to try a prayer 
on a rose bush that she wanted moved to another posi- 
tion in her yard, and was not surprised when it was not 
moved by her prayer. That is the way with the rest 
of us. We pull down our blinds and go into our clos- 



THE VALUE OF FAITH 79 

ets and make a great pretense at praying; and ostenta- 
tiously pray in public; we observe all of the rituals 
and make all the show of praying, but that is all there 
is to it; there is no faith in our hearts; we do not be- 
lieve, and if we pray for something we go quickly to 
see if we really have had our prayer answered. If 
one of us should have a prayer answered we would be 
so surprised and count it such a strange thing, that we 
would run to tell all the neighbors about it, and have 
special meetings, and give thanks to God as if He had 
done something out of the ordinary and was to be ap- 
propriately thanked and congratulated on that ac- 
count. We do not believe. We believe that we be- 
lieve, and then we pray, and when we do not get the 
answer to our prayers we start in and try to find some 
other meaning for that part of the Bible that would 
make us think that we should have had the answer 
which did not come. We look for the fault in the 
Bible where it is not to be found instead of in our- 
selves, where it really exists. Finally, we come to be- 
lieve our own sophistries and the lies that we know our 
brothers in the church are living and become satisfied 
with their approval of our professions and expect their 
opinions of us to get us into heaven, to make it all right 
with the Father and the Son and excuse us from the 



80 REALIZATION 

proofs that He demanded of us. We are content to 
have men think that we are right and agree with us 
when we twist Jesus' words to suit our convenience. 
Yes, we're a nice bunch of Christians, we are." 



s 



CHAPTER VI. 
THE TEST OF FAITH. 

And these signs shall follow them that believe." — (Mark 16:17.) 

TANLY was thoroughly disgusted by this 



time and ready to say almost anything harsh 
about himself. He had come to the point where he 
could see only the mistake that he had been making, 
could see only the bad side and, with his eyes focused 
entirely on this one thing, the enormity of his offense 
seemed beyond all telling. 

His was a deep, sincere nature that could accept no 
compromise with honesty in the things that were really 
worth while to him, and to whom religion and all 
forms of religious expression were of overmastering 
importance. There was no playing at religion pos- 
sible to him. It was either so or it was not so; it was 
either right or it was wrong, either yes or no. There 
were no half-way stations in his conceptions of moral 
questions, and he could not consciously yield a quali- 
fied belief to the sayings and teachings of Jesus. To 
him they were either true or untrue and he could not 
think but that they were wholly true. He was not 



^2 REALIZATION 

one who could be content to take what seemed to be 
a plain statement of fact and twist it around to suit his 
own wishes under the pretense that it was allegorical or 
that what was truth in other days had now become un- 
true. He was what might be called a literalist, and 
yet he was not unaware of the fact that much of the 
teaching of the Master was conveyed in the form of 
parables. He was able to understand the parables, 
but he did not feel that he was privileged to call every- 
thing a parable that he could not make fit his own de- 
sires and he did not presume to tamper with the mean- 
ing of the Bible. 

Couple all of these traits with his youth, his native 
enthusiasm and studious habits and the circumstances 
in which he found himself situated with the church, 
which had for so long meant so much to him, and his 
belief that he had but a short time to live ; and it is not 
hard to understand how real and important all of these 
things seemed to him; how much difference it made to 
him, whether he thought that he was a true believer or 
a hypocrite. 

His discomforting meditations were interrupted by 
his mother, who had come to talk with him and try to 
get his mind into other channels. She was afraid that 
if she did not divert him from this disturbing topic of 



THE TEST OF FAITH 83 

thought he might become so involved in his difficulties 
that his trouble would unbalance his mind. She did 
not suspect that he was dangerously ill, but she knew 
that he was not well, that he did not have as much 
strength as he should, and she understood his nature so 
well that she knew that this question which he had be- 
fore his mind was a very serious matter to him. 

"Stanly," she said, "don't you want your dinner?*' 
He started at her voice; he had not noticed her 
approach. "I suppose so," he replied. "I'm not hun- 
gry. Is it dinner time?" 

"Yes," she said, "we ate dinner long ago. It is 
now past four o'clock and if you want something to 

eat and will come to the house with me I'll get it for 

»» 
you. 

"I'm not hungry," he replied, "and it is now so near 
supper time that I'll just wait till then. I've been 
looking through the Bible to see what it had to say 
about belief, and I find that, not only does Jesus say 
that we can heal the sick if we believe, but He also 
says in many of the cases where He healed, that it was 
the belief of the patient that was responsible for his 
recovery, and I believe that He thought that this was 
a large factor in all cases. Let me show you some of 
these accounts and see if you don't agree with me." 



84 REALIZATION 

He took up his Bible and read over to his mother 
many of the accounts of heahng, which he had already 
gone over. Then he told her of the conclusions he 
had drawn from them and wound up by saying: "Now 
the conclusion is inevitable ; Jesus has told us that if we 
believe in Him and in the power of God, we can do 
all that He did and even more; that we can do what- 
ever we wish. We are not able to do these things, 
hence we do not believe. I think, mother, that we 
have no right to say to other men that we believe in 
Jesus till we can show the proofs of our belief which 
He said would be its witness. It seems to me that 
when we pretend to be followers of Him without be- 
ing able to show these proofs, *these signs,' He calls 
them, we are placing our own judgment above His. 
He has told us what would be the signs of our belief 
and for us to seek to prove it by other signs is wrong. 
Besides that, we are very foolish to think that a pro- 
fession of belief to men and an assurance to them that 
we believe will make any difference with Jesus. It 
looks to me like we have the whole thing backwards 
and all wrong and I cannot get my bearings in the 
midst of it all." 

"You do seem to have things worked out differently 
from what other people believe," she said, "and I don't 



THE TEST OF FAITH 85 

wonder that you find yourself at sea. One cannot 
suddenly cut loose from his moorings as you have done, 
and drift out into an uncharted sea to find a safe an- 
chorage without much searching. You may still have 
much to go through before you find an end to your 
puzzle and you will undoubtedly have to grow into a 
realization of the new truths you may discover even 
after you have done all that intellect and reason can 
enable you to do, so you must be patient and be willing 
to go slowly for awhile. Do not let it bother you any 
more than necessary, for it will not be tension and 
strain of mind that will at last decide the matter for you. 
It will be decided in your quieter, calmer moments. Of 
course you will have to work over all the ground and 
see all sides of the question, as nearly as possible, and 
will be unable to avoid much pain and struggle, but 
these things are only steps to the real result; that will 
come with quiet and rest. First, you will have to get 
yourself broken loose from the old ties, free from the 
old bonds, and then you will have to build the new 
props and home for your thoughts, and even when the 
change seems complete and you are resting on the new 
foundation, do not deceive yourself with the thought 
that you have made your final decision, for the pendu- 
luni is then only at its farthest outward swing and may 



86 REALIZATION 

have to swing you back and forth from the old to the 
new and back again before it comes to rest. You will 
probably finally come to rest on some middle ground 
much nearer the old belief than you now think is pos- 
sible, so do not take your present conclusions too seri- 
ously; wait till time proves and experience decides 
their worth to you." 

"Well, but mother, how could it be otherwise than 
as I have said. See here, and here, and here; in all 
these cases belief in the power of God and the word of 
Jesus is said by Jesus Himself to be the cause of the 
cures He has performed. Then He says all the time 
that the prayer of faith is what counts and the disciples 
thought that was what He meant, for they taught the 
same thing after He was gone. It can't be that all of 
this ended with them, for He said "whosoever" be- 
lieved, without any qualification or limit whatever, and 
in another place, yes, here it is (Matt. 24:35), 
Heaven and earth shall pass away, hut mp Words shall 
not pass arvay, 

"He did not limit it to any certain people or time, and 
it really seems to me, mother, that He does not make 
the statement as if He were making a promise, or issu- 
ing an injunction or command, but rather as if he were 
telling of what already exists, stating a fact. At any 



THE TEST OF FAITH 87 

rate I can see no reason for believing otherwise than 
that Jesus meant just what He said and that He meant 
it for all time. It seems to me that this last verse, 
**Mp words shall not pass away,'' indicates that He 
meant that He was speaking for all time. If that is 
so, then believers can heal today as then, and ability 
to do the things that He did are the proofs of our 
faith, and not empty professions of words and accept- 
ance into some man-made organization.'* 

**I see no fault in your reasoning, Stanly," she said, 
"but you may have overlooked something that would 
show you where you are all wrong. Don't be in a 
hurry to decide such a question. Be content to study 
until you know all that is to be said for both sides 
before deciding the matter. If you were studying 
chemistry you would not expect to be able to tell 
whether a compound was made in the right proportions 
for producing any certain effect until you were fully ac- 
quainted with all the properties of the substances you 
proposed to use in combination. And you cannot ex- 
pect to interpret Jesus' words till you are perfectly ac- 
quainted with the Bible and the people to whom He 
spoke and of whom He was One, and even the lan- 
guage and the value of the words that He used. 

"Don't you think that you may do wrong to speak 



88 REALIZATION 

so harshly about your own and other people's religious 
experiences in the church? They are not usually con- 
scious hypocrites, even if they should be real ones, and 
they do get a certain satisfaction and comfort out of 
their professions of faith and their observance of reli- 
gious rites that is worth their while, and may well be 
accounted by some of them, at least, to closely approx- 
imate some of the signs that Jesus said would follow 
their belief. Many of them feel that they have been 
spiritually reborn and their conversion very greatly 
changes their lives, so they, perhaps, reap part of the 
reward that is promised to those who believe. You 
should not be too hard on yourself and others for not 
believing so fully as did the people in the time of Jesus, 
for that was a very different time from this, and the 
people a very different people. These things did not 
seem so strange to them as they do to us ; there were not 
so many things calculated to make them doubt and to 
turn their thoughts into other channels. You must re- 
member that this has not been the practice of the 
church so far as we know, since its founding, and we 
are not used to considering things in the light in which 
you are now viewing them." 

"Well, but mother, how does all of that affect the 
truth of these statements and how does that excuse us 



THE TEST OF FAITH 89 

for not seeing and following the teaching of Jesus? 
We cannot be excused by the fact that others have 
made the same mistakes. The faults of others do not 
excuse or cure mine. And as to the benefits we re- 
ceive from our ordinary religious life; all of these 
experiences might be the results of the thoughts we 
think; they might be that way just because we have 
changed our manner of thinking, and acting, and look- 
ing at things and, anyway, it doesn't keep many of our 
best church sisters from being the most pernicious gos- 
sips, so it is, obviously, incomplete. I suppose the 
heathen mother who drowns her babe as a sacrifice to 
her god gets just about as much religious satisfaction 
out of that act as we would gain from any religious 
rite of ours which is equally hard to perform. For that 
matter, I think that there are few of us who would be 
equal to such a sacrifice for our faith. And you re- 
member what we read about the Mohammedans who 
believe in Mohammed instead of Jesus. They seem 
to have deep religious experiences and get a great deal 
of happiness from them even to the extent of finding 
death for their faith pleasant, and you know we were 
talking when we read that book about how impressive 
and grand were the characters of some of those old 
Bedouins. I do not see that we can call the ordinary 



90 REALIZATION 

fruits of our religion tests of our belief in Jesus; they 
seem to me rather the natural results of ordinary reli- 
gious emotion. I can't get away from the fact Jesus 
says point blank that if we believe we can have what- 
ever we ask for; that we can heal our sick.'* 

"Well, think the matter out for yourself, Stanly. 
You'll never arrive at a decision in any other way. 
For the present, though, you had better let it go and 
come up to the house and eat supper. I'll have it 
early on your account. You're looking tired and sick 
and I don't want you to fall ill now, for you want all 
of your wits about you in the settling of this question." 

He arose and went with her, principally in order to 
still her suspicion that he was not well. As he walked 
he had to keep his whole attention on his feet in order 
to keep from staggering, for he found that he was quite 
weak from his fast and the stress of his emotions. He 
felt that he would have to go to bed instead of the 
supper table, if indeed he ever succeeded in getting to 
the house. The hill had never been so long nor so 
steep and it seemed to him that they would never get 
to a place where he could stop and rest without letting 
his mother see how sick he was ; and that he would not 
do until he had to go to bed for the last time, if he 
could help it ; for he feared that the shock would be all 



I 



THE TEST OF FAITH 91 

that she could stand and he wanted to put it off as long 
as possible. 

They had climbed the hill at last and were in the 
kitchen, where he could drop into a seat and rest his 
tired limbs and aching chest. He quickly diverted 
her attention from himself by assuming a cheerfulness 
he was far from feeling and speaking about how glad 
he would be to "get at*' some of his mother's cooking. 

She wondered at his mood, but thought that it was 
only the reaction from his former condition and tried 
to think no more of it. She could not keep from no- 
ticing, however, that his face was flushed and pale by 
turns and that a scarlet danger signal blazed in each 
cheek, and once when she went out for something she 
returned to find him slumped down in his chair in a 
very pathetic fashion. As soon as he noticed her re- 
turn, he tried to straighten up and assume his old air of 
gaiety, but he only increased her fears by his obvious 
attempt to hide from her eyes something in his 
condition. 

"What is the matter, Stanly?" she asked. "You 
look sick; what's the matter? How are you feeling?'* 

"Oh, I'm just tired and worn out from bothering 
over something I can't understand," he replied. "I'll 
be all right when I've had a bite to eat. I guess I 



92 REALIZATION 

was hungrier than I thought. My head feels Hght and 
my face feels hot, as if I were half starved. I feel 
something like I did the time that John and I got lost 
in the big woods and didn't have anything to eat till 
we got to Jamison's place. Do you remember that 
time? How we ever managed to get lost there and 
then stay lost, to boot, was more than I could ever 
figure out." 

And he ran on, talking against the coming of the rest 
of the family, as if his illness were nothing to worry 
about, just the natural outcome of a day's hard study 
and the missing of a meal. He succeeded in quieting 
her fears for the time, and when supper was over 
quickly made an excuse and went off to bed, and so 
passed this crisis without giving away his gloomy 
secret. 

He quickly got into his bed, and when his mother 
looked in after she had cleared away the supper dishes 
to see how he was feeling and to ask him some more 
questions about his condition, he was studiously feign- 
ing sleep, so she closed the door and went away satis- 
fied that he was all right for the night, although she 
could not help feeling somewhat uneasy about him be- 
cause of his troubles of mind and his cough, which 
seemed growing worse of late. 



THE TEST OF FAITH 93 

After she was gone and he knew that there was no 
more danger of her coming to see him, he abandoned 
all pretense of sleep and set himself again to the task 
of settling his doubts about the meaning of Jesus' mes- 
sage. He studied it all over from the beginning again 
and again, and the more that he thought of it the harder 
did it seem to find any solution of the problem. When 
he had grown so weary that he could no longer think 
clearly and every nerve seemed to be raw and ting- 
ling, and his eyes were parched and dry and wide open, 
and his weak, sick body felt on the point of dissolu- 
tion ; when he had got to the point where he felt that it 
would be impossible to stand the discomfort and pain 
of life for another instant, he prayed again. 

"Jesus, Lord, help me to believe in You. Help me 
to read Your word aright and to understand the mes- 
sage that You have given us. Help me to accept and 
believe in You as You would have us believe. Lord, 
show me the way." 

Far into the night he prayed and finally, still pray- 
ing for light and help to see his way among the diffi- 
culties of his position, he fell asleep and slept till late in 
the morning, the deep, refreshing sleep of youth. 

For many days he puzzled over this question, spend- 
ing all of his spare hours with his Bible in his hand 



94 REALIZATION 

and many of the hours that he worked in the fields in 
deep thought on the same Hne. He was not able to 
do much in the fields by this time, but he spent as many 
hours as possible at light labor in order to give his mind 
a rest and also in order to keep his family from dis- 
covering how sick he really was. He realized almost 
as fully as his mother the danger of his mind becoming 
unsettled from worrying over this particular subject; 
he had happened to read in his medical studies that a 
large percentage of the patients in the hospitals for the 
insane lost their reason over religious matters — and 
he guarded against that danger as well as he could, but 
he could not keep from thinking of his problem, and 
he could not set his doubts at rest till he had settled it, 
no matter what the danger. 






CHAPTER VII. 
THE AWAKENING OF THE DOCTOR. 

The man who asks a vital question starts an investigation. — S. A. W. 

ONE DAY he went to town to see his old friend, 
the doctor. He had not been in to see him 
many times of late; his mind had been too busy with 
other things and he hardly knew why he wanted to go 
then, except that the notion suddenly seized him and 
he decided that a visit to his friend would get his mind 
off of his religious troubles. He had never said any- 
thing to the doctor about his new views on religious 
matters, and he did not know whether he had heard it, 
for the doctor had never mentioned the subject to him, 
and he was resolved to say nothing about it on this 
visit. He thought that he would go in and see what 
cases the doctor was treating now and have his own 
case examined and see if he could get any idea of how 
much longer he had to live — he had grown careless as 
to whether he lived or died — and perhaps he would 
talk over some of the old lessons in medicine ; anything 
to get a change of thought and a temporary relief from 
the bondage of this everlasting puzzle. 



96 REALIZATION 

The doctor opened the door for him. "Hello, 
Stanly,*' he said. "Come in. Fm glad to see you. 
Been thinking about you all day and wondering how 
you're getting along. Haven't heard of you for sev- 
eral days and was just about decided that I'd have to 
make some excuse to go out and see you if some one in 
your neighborhood did not pretty soon oblige me by 
getting sick and sending for me. That's the queerest 
thing! Do you know, I was not a bit surprised when 
I heard your step on the stair? Seemed like I was 
expecting you, but of course I wasn't. Well, how are 
you.^ 

**Oh, I guess I'm all right. Lungs just a Httle more 
painful and I feel some weaker, I have more night 
sweats, and am losing weight, and had another hemor- 
rhage the other day, but otherwise, I guess I'm about 
the same as ever. Thought I'd drop in and chin you 
a while and have you to see how much longer I'm 
going to encumber the grassy side of the soil. What's 
interesting now? Had any operations lately?" He 
stopped with a paroxysm of coughing which left him 
weak. 

"No," the doctor replied, "everybody seems to be 
about the right size these days. I've not done any 
trimming at all lately, and, in fact, I haven't done 



.THE AWAKENING OF THE DOCTOR 9? 

much of anything else, to tell the truth. I have never 
seen the people so well. Let's see how you are getting 
along, my boy.*' 

After a thorough examination and some questioning 
as to what he had been doing and eating and so on, the 
doctor told Stanly that he was not much worse than 
he was the last time that he had examined him, but that 
he looked as if he had been worrying, and that if he 
did not quit that he would soon bring matters to a 
crisis which could end in only one way. Then 
silence fell between them; the doctor seemed to want 
to say something that he did not know how to begin, 
and Stanly was trying to keep from telling him about 
what had been uppermost in his thoughts for so long. 
At last his desire to talk got the better of him. 

"Did you hear how I scandalized the church?" 
he asked, before he fully realized that he was intro- 
ducing the very subject of conversation that he had in- 
tended to avoid. 

"Yes," his friend replied, "I heard a week or so 
ago, and I was just wanting to talk with you about that, 
but I did not know just how you felt about it nor how 
to begin. Tell me what you did; I know only what 
came to me in a very roundabout way." 

The boy gave him a brief sketch of what he had 



98 REALIZATION 

done on that memorable Sunday when he had tried to 
be a preacher. "That's what came of my wish to be 
a preacher," he finished; "I made it impossible for me 
to ever go back to that church, and got myself into 
mental hot water that is worse than having consump- 
tion." 

"Here, here, Stanly,'* his friend exclaimed, "It's 
not as bad as that. You've not been among the peo- 
ple since you made your declaration and don't know 
how they regard it. You just imagine all of that and 
some of it may not have any foundation in truth. It 
very likely doesn't make much difference with the oth- 
ers by this time. They've forgotten it or just set it by 
as the enthusiasm of a boy who was preaching his first 
sermon. Say no more about it and go back among 
them just as if nothing had happened and it won't be 
long till you'll be accepted on the old footing." 

"But I don't want to be accepted on the old foot- 
ing," Stanly replied. "Not if that means that I am 
supposed to stand for the old beliefs. I am more than 
ever convinced that I have been wrong and that I am 
now right, and I cannot honestly go back to them and 
not proclaim these beliefs. No, the line is irrevocably 
drawn between my present and my past, in this re- 
spect." 



THE AWAKENING OF THE DOCTOR 99 

"Why do you have to say anything about what you 
think?'* the doctor asked. "It won't be your fault if 
they think that you agree with them if you don't tell 
them that you do. I tell you they'll pay no attention 
at all to your opinions if you'll let the matter drop. If 
they had been going to do anything about it they would 
have had you up for trial long ago." 

"No, I couldn't do it," Stanly explained. "I may 
be wrong, but it seems to me that I would be lying to 
them if I went back and let them accept me without 
having a distinct understanding as to my beliefs. And 
I should feel that I was lying to them and to my God 
every time that I heard them say the things that I used 
to believe if I did not object to them, but left them to 
think that I regarded them as they do. No, I couldn't 
do it." 

Silence fell between them. The doctor recognized 
here the fanatic; for Stanly had come to be nothing 
less ; and he saw that nothing he could say would make 
any difference in the boy's decision. He waited for 
him to go on while he tried to think of some line of ar- 
gument by which he could cool his fanatic ardor and 
tried to get an idea of the bearing that this new devel- 
opment was likely to have on the state of his young 
friend's health. 



100 REALIZATION 

Stanly watched him with burning eyes, looking at 
that moment almost as if he were already insane. He 
was not thinking about the doctor nor his opinions, 
however; he was thinking about his problem. Pres- 
ently he asked his friend: 

"What do you think Jesus meant by, *Ye shall la}) 
^our hands on the sick and they shall recover* ? Do 
you think that He meant the sick of soul, the people that 
have sinned according to some standards that are gen- 
erally acceptable to the leaders of the church, but 
which, for all we know, may not mean anything at all 
to Him or God; or do you think that it means just 
what it says, that if we believe, we shall lay our hands 
on the sick people around us and heal them?" 

"Well, I don't quite know,*' the doctor replied in a 
puzzled tone. "You see I'm not much of a Bible 
student. I guess I'm fairly religious but I never was 
much of a hand to go to church and read the Bible. 
I've always been too busy and that part of it seemed 
a bit unnecessary anyhow. Let's get the Bible and 
I'll see what I can make of it." 

The doctor got up and started to look for a Bible, 
but he had a hard time finding it. "I thought I had 
a Bible here," he said. "I'm sure I bought one when 
I furnished this office." After much rummaging it was 



THE AWAKENING OF THE DOCTOR 101 

found, a trifle dusty and faded at the edges of the 
leaves, but all there and showing few signs of wear 
from use. 

"Now let's see what we have here. Where do we 
find that passage you just asked me about?*' 

Stanly told him where to find it and they read it 
over together. Then the doctor said, "That looks like 
He meant the ordinary sick folks that I have to treat 
in this day and age, but let's see how He uses it 
in other places. Let's see whether He uses the word 
in that meaning without feeling any necessity for ex- 
plaining what He means by it. If He does, then we 
can take it for granted that we are right, in that re- 
spect at least." 

While he was talking, the doctor was turning over 
the pages. Presently he stopped to read. 

"Here's a place where He uses it." And he read 
in a solemn voice, carefully calling the chapter and 
verse as he had heard the ministers do when they were 
reading the morning's "lesson" from the pulpit. 

"Matthew eighth chapter, fourteenth verse." 

And when Jesus ivas come into Peter's home, he 
sarv his wife's mother laid, and sick, of a fever. 

( 1 5) And he touched her hand, and the fever left 
her: and she arose, and ministered unto them. 



102 REALIZATION 

*Well, I guess there is no doubt about what *sick' 
means there," he said, when he had read it through. 
"Let's see if any of the other disciples told about this 
case, and how they tell it. Where will I find it? You 
ought to know; youVe made this thing a study." 

Stanly told him where to look for the next account 
of this case of healing and when he had found it he 
read in the same manner: 

"Mark, first chapter and thirtieth verse:" 

But Simon s fvifes mother lay sick of a fever, and 
anon they tell him of her. 

(31) And he came and took her by the hand, 
and lifted her up: and immediately the fever left her, 
and she ministered unto them, 

"That fellow tells it in the same fashion and it evi- 
dently means the same thing here. Do you know, 
Stanly, if I thought that there was any way to heal 
diseases now as Jesus did, and that it were possible 
for me to learn how to do it, I would never carry an- 
other medical case. That is wonderful, when you 
think of it; for a man to just come in and take a fever 
patient by the hand and make her well. But of course, 
there was no one else able to do what He did and there 
will never another one, no doubt, but it would be great 
if it could be learned and done that way now, wouldn't 
it?" 



THE AWAKENING OF THE DOCTOR 103 

"It can be done now!" Stanly exclaimed. "You 
believe in Jesus, don't you? You believe that He 
told the truth?" 

"Yes," his friend replied. "I guess I believe in 
Him. Why, why of course I believe in Jesus Christ, 
and God, and the Bible and all of that. Such a ques- 
tion to ask a Christian!" 

"Well," Stanly hastened to continue, "if you be- 
lieve Jesus' word you will have to believe that heal- 
ing can be done today as well as in His time and that 
we can, by believing in Him and in the power of God, 
do all that He did, and. He says, even greater things. 
Here, look in the fourteenth chapter of John — but no, 
let's find that other place where it tells about Simon's 
mother-in-law and then look up some of the other cases 
and when we have settled whether *sick' means sick 
or something else, I'll show you what makes me think 
that we should be able to heal the sick, and what got 
me into all this trouble. Turn to the fourth chapter 
of Luke and I think you'll find there another account 
of this fever case." 

"So you still think that we should be able to heal 
the sick by the laying on of hands and the prayer 
of faith and such things as that, do you? I'll be glad 



104 REALIZATION 

to see how you make it out," the doctor repHed. "But 
first let's finish what we're about and then there'll be 
time enough for that." 

The doctor was getting worried about his patient 
by this time. He saw that the boy was on the border- 
land of insanity and he was afraid that he would un- 
balance his mind with worrying over what seemed to 
him a question incapable of solution. He hoped to be 
able to gradually lead his thoughts away from the ques- 
tion and had no intention whatever of suffering him to 
go over any argument about the healing of the sick 
by the laying on of hands. 

"Where did you sayl^" he asked in a preoccupied 
tone. He had been looking for the place named, 
hardly conscious of what he was doing, his mind very 
much occupied with his thoughts about his sick friend. 
"Yes, here it is. Listen to this, Luke, fourth chapter 
and thirty-eighth verse:" 

And he arose out of the s])nagogue, and entered 
into Simon s house. And Simon s wijes mother was 
taken with a great fever; and they besought him for 
her, 

(39) And he stood over her, and rebuked the 
fever; and it left her: and immediately she arose, and 
ministered unto them. 



THE AWAKENING OF THE DOCTOR 105 

"Well, he tells it a Httle bit different from the others, 
but there is no doubt about his thinking that the old 
lady had an ordinary fever. There is no question 
that he thought she had some fever of the soul, or 
morals, or something of that sort. I should say that 
*sick' means there just what it ordinarily means when 
we use it, and that it would have to be qualified in 
order to mean anything else. 

"But say," he continued when he saw that Stanly 
was starting to take up the other subject, "do you know 
this is a wonderful case of healing? Let's see some of 
these other cases. I remember that He did other heal- 
ing, but it has been so long since I've read any in the 
Bible that I've about forgotten about the different 
cases. Where'll I find some more of it?" 

"O, it's all the way through Matthew and Mark and 
Luke and a good deal is to be found in John. Sup- 
pose you take Matthew first and then you can look 
up duplicate accounts in the other gospels as you go 
along." 

Following this suggestion the doctor started turning 
through the gospel of Matthew and presently said, 

"Here is the first place I find: Matthew, fourth 
chapter and twenty-third verse:" 

And Jesus Tvent about all Galilee, teaching in their 



106 REALIZATION 

synagogues, and preaching the gospel of the kii^gdom, 
and healing all manner of sickness and all manner of 
diseases among the people, 

(24) And his fame Tvent throughout all S^ria: 
and they brought unto him all sick people that were 
taken "with divers diseases and torments, and those 
which were possessed with devils, and those which 
Were lunatick, and those that had the palsy; and he 
healed them, 

"It seems from this that about the first thing that 
Jesus did when He started out was to begin heahng 
the sick. And He doesn't seem to pick His cases, 
either. He's no speciaHst, that's certain. I guess that 
was before the days of speciaHsts. 

"Then the next chapters are all taken up with the 
sermon on the mountain, which is very well in its way, 
all right, but which we're not interested in just at the 
present time, and we find no more cases of healing till 
we get way over here in the eighth chapter. Here 
it is: Matthew, eighth chapter and second verse:" 

And, behold, there came a leper and worshipped 
him, saying. Lord, if thou wilt, thou canst make me 
clean. 

(3) And Jesus put forth his hand, and touched 
him, saying, I will; be thou clean. And immediately 
his leprosy was cleansed. 



THE AWAKENING OF THE DOCTOR 107 

"There's faith for you, if that's what you want!" 
the reader exclaimed. "Where will we find the next 
account of that, in Mark?" And without waiting for 
an answer he turned to the gospel of Mark, keeping 
his place in Matthew with his finger. Presently he 
found a passage that caught his attention. He stopped 
and read, then he cleared his throat and read aloud, 

"Mark, first chapter and twenty-third verse:" 

And there was in their synagogue a man with an un- 
clean spirit; and he cried out, 

(24) Saving, Let us alone; what have We to do 
with thee, thou Jesus of Nazareth? art thou come to 
destroy us? I k^^ow thee who thou art, the Hol^ One 
of Cod. 

(25) And Jesus rebuked him, saving. Hold th]) 
peace, and come out of him. 

(26) And when the unclean spirit had torn him, 
and cried with a loud voice, he came out of him. 

"Well, that was a queer one," the doctor said. "I've 
not had much experience with lunatics, but what I 
have had leads me to believe that we've changed our 
idea? about the nature of the trouble considerably, 
since Jesus' time. Perhaps, though, if we were as 
He was, we would find the same sort of response from 



108 REALIZATION 

the insane. Who can tell? There may be more in this 
than appears on the surface. Do you know, I believe 
that there is more in some of the things that modern 
science laughs at than most of us are willing to admit. 
Let's see if it tells anything more about this in Luke." 



I 



CHAPTER VIII. 
JESUS. THE HEALER. 

yJJ^^^ great multitudes followed him, and he healed them all." — 
(Matt. 18:16.) 

WHILE THE DOCTOR was searching in the 
gospel of Luke for the account of this case, 
Stanly got up and came and looked over his shoulder. 
Then he showed the doctor how he could find the du- 
plicates of the incidents in which he was interested, 
by referring to the notations in the center of the page. 

Following the instructions which Stanly had given 
him, the doctor had no difficulty in finding what he 
was looking for. 

"Here it is; Luke, fourth chapter and thirty-third 
verse," he announced: 

And in the synagogue there TV as a man, tvho had a 
spirit of an unclean devil, and cried out "with a loud 
voice, 

(34) Saving, Let us alone; xphai have tve to do 
Tvith thee, thou Jesus of Nazareth? art thou come to 
destroy us? I know thee Tvho thou art; the Hol^ One 
of God, 



110 REALIZATION 

(35) And Jesus rebuked him, saving. Hold th^ 
peace, and come out of him. And when the devil 
had throtpn him in the midst, he came out of him, and 
hurt him not, 

"Yes there it is; the same thing. Remarkable, 
isn't it? Now let's find that leper story." 

He turned back to the first chapter of Mark and 
started to read again. He soon found something else 
that interested him. 

"Here is another place where it tells of His healing 
all sorts of diseases; Mark, first chapter and thirty- 
second verse." 

And at even, "when the sun did set, they brought 
unto him all that were diseased, and them that were pos- 
sessed with devils, 

(33) And all the cit^ was gathered together at 
the door, 

(34) And he healed man^ that Were sick of 
divers diseases, and cast out many devils; and suf- 
fered not the devils to speak* because the]) ^neiP him. 

"There's another place where the devils, or what- 
ever it is about the lunatics that they call devils, seem 
to know Him. Here's another verse, Mark, first 
chapter and thirty-ninth verse." 

And he preached in their synagogues throughout 
all Galilee, and cast out devils. 



JESUS, THE HEALER 111 

"And here in the next verse is the leper story we're 
hunting.*' 

(40) And there came a leper to him, beseeching 
him, and kneeling down to him, and saying unto him. 
If thou mlt, thou canst make me clean. 

(41) And Jesus, moved "with compassion, put 
forth his hand, and touched him, and saith unto him, 
I mil; be thou clean, 

(42) And as soon as he had spoken, immediately 
the leprosy departed from him, and he was cleansed. 

"Now let's see what Luke has to say about it. Here 
it is, Luke, fifth chapter and twelfth verse." 

And it came to pass when he was in a certain city, 
behold a man full of leprosy, who seeing Jesus, fell 
on his face, and besought him saying. Lord, if thou 
wilt, thou canst make me clean. 

(13) And he put forth his hand, and touched 
him, saying, I will: be thou clean. And immediately 
the leprosy departed from him. 

"Well, they're all agreed on that all right, let's see 
what comes next in Matthew." 

The doctor was talking against time. Every time 
that he noticed that Stanly was about to speak he man- 
aged to cut in with some remark that would stop him. 



112 REALIZATION 

He kept up a running fire of remarks while he was 
hunting the different references, in order to keep the 
boy from talking. He wanted to have time to think 
before he let the lad have a chance to raise the ques- 
tion of man's power to heal in these days as Jesus 
did, and he wanted more than that, to keep him off that 
subject altogether. He was watching his companion 
and he did not like the fire in his eyes and the flush 
on his cheeks. These were signs of mental and phys- 
ical conditions which he did not like to see in com- 
bination and he was growing very fearful for the boy's 
health in more ways than one. 

He quickly found another verse and read it aloud 
with an appearance of interest that he did not quite 
feel. 

"Here's another verse that tells of many cures be- 
ing performed. Matthew, eighth chapter and sixteenth 
verse," he read: 

When the even was come, ihe^ brought unto him 
man^ that were possessed mth devils: and he cast out 
the spirits Jvith his word, and healed all that were sick: 

"Say, I wonder how many cases Jesus healed while 
He was on earth. I guess there is no way of knowing, 
but I should imagine that their number must have run 



JESUS, THE HEALER 1 1 3 

into the thousands. He evidently made that a very 
large part of His work. It seems strange to me that the 
churches should have dropped that out of their rituals 
if it is as you say and the Bible gives us reason to 
think that the power to heal persisted after Jesus had 
gone." 

He was sorry of it as soon as he had spoken, for 
Stanly's eyes grew even brighter and he began talking, 
excitedly, before the doctor could say anything to check 
him. 

"It is true!" he exclaimed. **If anything in the 
Bible is plain, that is plain and if any of the Bible is 
true, that is true also. It is true. Why — " 

"Well, well, we'll take that up when we come to 
it," the doctor interrupted. "For the present, let's see 
what Jesus did in the way of healing. This is about 
the most interesting thing I've read in a long time. It's 
most remarkable and I wonder that I've not noticed 
it before. Of course, I knew that these things were 
here, but I just paid no attention to them till I had al- 
most forgotten them. Then somehow, I never thought 
of them as straight cases of healing before. They al- 
ways seemed to be in a class by themselves in some 
way, and I never thought of them from the viewpoint 
of the physician. I had them classed with all miracles 



114 REALIZATION 

and they lost for me their value as cases of physical and 
mental sickness and healing.'* 

The doctor had been talking steadily while he 
searched for another verse worthy of note and when 
he had found it he read it aloud before Stanly could 
get a chance to say anything. 

"Matthew, eighth chapter and twenty-eighth verse," 
he read, in sonorous tones. 

And "when he was come to the other side, into the 
country of the Gergesenes, there met him two possessed 
with devils, coming out of the tombs, exceeding fierce, 
so that no man might pass fcp that wa^, 

(29) And, behold, they cried out saying. What 
have we to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of God? art 
thou come hither to torment us before the time? 

(30) And there Was a good way off from them 
an herd of many swine feeding. 

(31) So the devils besought him, saying. If thou 
cast us out, suffer us to go away into the herd of swine* 

(32) And he said unto them. Go. And when 
they were come out, they went into the herd of swine: 
and, behold, the whole herd of swine ran violently 
down a steep place into the sea, and perished in the 
waters. 

"Remarkable," he exclaimed, "remarkable! That 



JESUS. THE HEALER 1 1 5 

would seem that there was something that was really 
driven out of the man which could be transferred to the 
hogs. That was no matter of setting right some dis- 
ordered faculties, if the account of the occurrence is 
correct. Let's see what the other writers have to say 
about that. Here, where is that reference number? 
Yes, here it is; Mark 5:1. Now we'll see what he 
has to say about the matter. Here we are. Mark, 
fifth chapter and first verse:" 

And they came over unto the other side of the sea, 
into the countr]) of the Cadarenes. 

(2) And when he rvas come out of the ship, im- 
mediately there met him out of the tombs a man with 
an unclean spirit, 

(3) Who had his dwelling among the tombs; and 
no man could bind him, no, not with chains: 

(4) Because that he had often been bound with 
fetters and chains, and the chains had been plucked 
asunder by him, and the fetters broken in pieces: 
neither could any man tame him. 

(5) And always, night and day, he was in the 
mountains, and in the tombs, crying, and cutting him- 
self with stones. 

(6) But when he saw Jesus afar off, he ran and 
worshipped him. 



116 



REALIZATION 



(7) And cried mih a loud voice, and said. What 
have I to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of the most 
high Cod? I adjure thee fcp Cod, that thou torment me 
not, 

(8) For he said unto him. Come out of the man, 
thou unclean spirit. 

(9) And he asked him. What is th}^ name? And 
he answered, sa})ing, Mp name is Legion: for we are 
many, 

(10) And he besought him much that he would 
not send them away out of the country, 

(11) Now there was there nigh unto the moun- 
tains, a great herd of swine feeding. 

(12) And all the devils besought him, saying, 
send us into the swine, that we may enter into them, 

(13) And forthwith Jesus gave them leave. And 
the unclean spirits went out, and entered into the swine: 
and the herd ran violently down a steep place into the 
sea (they were about two thousand) ; and were choked 
in the sea. 

"Well, that is almost past belief/* he said, when he 
had finished reading. "Of course, one has to believe 
it because it is in the Bible, but if I had read it in 
anything else, I should call it a very remarkable and 
amusing story. Here we have Jesus talking with the 



JESUS, THE HEALER 1 1 7 

devils and making them come and go at His command 
and then we have the devils infesting the hogs and mak- 
ing them crazy, and the strangest thing about the whole 
story is that there should be such things as these evil 
spirits or devils. I wonder what would happen if one 
of our ordinary insane were to meet up with Jesus. 
Do you suppose that insanity has changed since that 
day and that it is now a case of unbalanced mind when 
it was then a case of obsession by evil spirits, or was it 
at all times as it seems to be now? It may even be pos- 
sible that some of it is now due to these same evil spir- 
its, whatever they may be. Who can tell?'* 

He was not talking to Stanly but rather to himself. 
He was now thoroughly interested in what he had read 
and, forgetting all about his companion and his wish 
to prevent him from having a chance to talk, he read 
the last of these accounts over again and then turned 
to compare it with the first. When he looked up to 
give expression to his thoughts Stanly cut in quickly, 
"It does not matter whether they are devils or spirits 
or what they are, we can overcome them and cast them 
out as Jesus did if we believe! The trouble is — '* 

"Yes, yes, that's all right," the doctor interrupted 
him, "we are coming to that. Let's take up and finish 
one thing at a time. After we've found out what Jesus 



118 REALIZATION 

could do it will be plenty of time to take up the ques- 
tion of what we can do. 

"Here's one thing that puzzles me about this story 
of the devils: how did they know who Jesus was and 
what difference there was between Him and other 
men? Other people did not, but the devils always 
seem to know Him without being told. Fd like to un- 
derstand that. It would seem that they were in some 
degree supernatural or that they really had extraordi- 
nary powers. The fact that they could tell this with- 
out being told, fits in pretty well with the theory that 
they were spirits, or devils, or something of that nature, 
or at any rate, extra-mundane. 

"That is a very remarkable story when you stop and 
consider it from all sides. 

"Well, let's see what else we can find here,'* he con- 
tinued, turning back to Matthew, to the place that he 
had kept marked with his finger. 

He soon found the account of the healing of the 
man who had palsy, which he discussed and compared 
with the other accounts of the same case and then he 
came to the one which tells of the raising of the ruler's 
dead daughter. 

"Here, listen to this," he said, "Matthew, ninth 
chapter and eighteenth verse." 



JESUS, THE HEALER 119 

While he spake these things unto them, behold^ 
there came a certain ruler, and worshipped him, sav- 
ing. My daughter is even now dead: hut come and lay 
thy hand upon her, and she shall live. 

"And then, here in the twenty-third verse of the same 
chapter." 

And when Jesus came into the ruler* s house, and 
saw the minstrels and the people making a noise, 

(24) He said unto them. Give place; for the maid 
is not dead, hut sleepeth. And they laughed him to 
scorn, 

(25) But when the people Were put forth, he went 
in, and took her by the hand, and the maid arose, 

"Well, that's a pretty good one," he exclaimed, 
and then he went on and hunted up and compared this 
with the other accounts in Mark 5:22 and Luke 8:41. 

"How sublime must have been Jesus* faith in Him- 
self," he exclaimed. "Just think what nerve that was 
to go to a dead woman and tell her to get up, as,if she 
had been no more than what He told the others she 
was, asleep. That's what I caH confidence in 
oneself!" 

"Yes," Stanly said, "if we had faith like that now, 
I believe that we could do the same things now that He 
did then. You see the trGfuble with us is — " 



120 REALIZATION 

"I know, I know," the doctor again interrupted him, 
**we'll come to that presently. There's no hurry. You 
rest Piod don't try to talk till I have gone through this 
question and found out how much healing Jesus did. 
Let's see, where are we? O, yes. There's that case of 
the woman who was cured of the issue of blood by 
touching His garment, which we had to skip because it 
came in the middle of the dead girl story. That was a 
wonderful thing, wasn't it?" And he read it over again, 
comparing it with all the other accounts of the same 
occurrence. 

"I wonder what He meant by feeling virtue going 
out of Him," he continued, when he had finished read- 
ing this account. "That would seem as if there were 
some actual force employed in effecting His cures, and 
as if the patient were responsible for its outflow, or at 
least that it was so in this one case. That's all very 
strange, and I wonder why, in these days when so 
many of the men of science and medicine are Chris- 
tians, who must believe that this account is true and at 
the same time, being scientists, realize that everything, 
even the miracles, are the results of the actions of nat- 
ural laws; why they have not, some of them, made 
these stories the basis of a real investigation of this 
sort of healing. They might learn something that 



JESUS, THE HEALER 



121 



would enable them to determine whether this force is 
peculiar to only a few people, as, for instance, Jesus 
and His disciples, or whether it can be cultivated by all 
men, or at least a few of them, if they know how to go 
about it. This reads like a straightforward account of 
an actual occurrence, and it appears to me worthy of 
investigation. There is no telling what forces lie hid- 
den from us within our power to use if we only knew 
their laws." 



CHAPTER IX. 
THE MASTER PHYSICIAN'S RECORD. 

And Jesus went about all the cities and villages, teaching in their 
synagogues, and preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing 
every sickness and every disease among the people. — (Matt. 9:35.) 

FOR SOME TIME Stanly had been trying to 
interrupt the doctor to tell him that belief is all 
that is necessary, according to the words of Jesus, but 
his friend knew what he wanted too well to stop talk- 
ing, and he talked on till Stanly had given it up, and 
then he turned to the Bible and began hunting for an- 
other account of healing. 

**Here*s another one," he said, "Matthew, ninth 
chapter and thirty-second verse:*' 

As they rvent out, behold, the}) brought to him a 
dumb man possessed mth a devil. 

(33) And when the devil was cast out, the dumb 
spake: and the multitudes marvelled, sa])ing. It was 
never so seen in Israel. 

"And here's another account of the same case, 
Luke, eleventh chapter and fourteenth verse:" 

And he was casting out a devil, and it was dumb. 
And it came to pass, when the devil was gone out, the 
dumb spake, and the people wondered. 



THE MASTER PHYSICIAN'S RECORD 1 23 

"There's another case of a devil. They certainly 
did believe in the 'devil theory* of insanity. I surely 
would like to know how many cases of various kinds 
Jesus healed while on earth. Here in the thirty-fifth 
verse of the ninth chapter of Matthew it says:*' 

And Jesus Went about all the cities and villages, 
teaching in their synagogues, and preaching the gospel 
of the kingdom, and healing every sickness and every 
disease among the people. 

He then read over to the twelfth chapter, where he 
found another case of healing. 

"Matthew, twelfth chapter and tenth verse," he 
read: 

And, behold, there ivas a man TDhich had his hand 
withered. And they asked him, saying. Is it lawful 
to heal on the Sabbath day? that they might accuse 
him. 

(11) Then saith he to the man. Stretch forth thine 
hand. And he stretched it forth; and it was restored 
whole, like as the other. 

"Here are the duplicates of this account," he said 
presently, "Mark, third chapter and first verse." 

And he entered again into the synagogue; and there 
was a man there which had a withered hand. 



124 REALIZATION 

"And then, here in the fifth verse it tells how he was 
healed:" 

He saith unto the man, Stretch forth thine hand. 
And he stretched it out and his hand was restored 
the other, 

"The part that I didn't read tells about how the 
priests watched to see if Jesus would cure this man on 
Sunday so that they could put Him in jail and stop Him 
from doing anything more in this line. I was just 
thinking when I read that, that if He was on earth to- 
day He'd have about as hard a time with us doctors 
as He had in those days with the priests. I wonder 
why the doctors of that day did not jump onto Him. 
It seems very wicked to me now for the priests to have 
hampered and hindered Him as they did, but I guess 
that if He were to come to earth now, I'd be about as 
eager as the rest of them to stop Him from doing any- 
thing new or anything that was contrary to my beliefs 
of what is possible and right. 

"But that isn't finding these references. Here's the 
other one, Luke, sixth chapter and sixth verse." 

And it came to pass also on another Sabbath, that he 
entered into the synagogue and taught; and there was 
a man whose right hand was withered, 

"Those old fellows certainly must have had good 



THE MASTER PHYSICIAN'S RECORD 125 

memories to tell these stories in the same way, and al- 
most in the same words. I'll bet there are not three 
men today who could witness any certain occurrence 
and then at a later date report it as nearly alike as 
Matthew, Mark and Luke report what Jesus did and 
said. Luke, too, tells about how the Scribes and 
Pliarisees watched Him, just as Mark and Matthew 
did, and then in the tenth verse he finishes the story in 
almost the same words. He says: And looking round 
about them all, he said unto the man. Stretch forth thy 
hand. And he did so: and his hand tvas restored 
whole as the other. 

*'Here's yet another place where it tells of His heal- 
ing all the sick in a whole crowd of people. Matthew, 
twelfth chapter and fifteenth verse:" 

But when Jesus knew it, he withdrew himself from 
thence: and great multitudes followed him, and he 
healed them all. 

**I never had any idea that there were so many ac- 
counts of healing in the Bible. Let's make a list of 
the cases as I find them. Til read them off and you 
can make notes of them as I go along and then when 
we're through we'll discuss the whole lot together. I 
may not get all of them, I'll not try to; that would take 
too long; but I'll get enough of them to give us a pretty 



t26 REALIZATION 

good idea of what He did in this line. I think I shall 
always think of Him hereafter, anyhow, as a healer 
rather than in any other capacity. 

"Make a note of this,'* he continued. * 'Matthew 
twelfth chapter and twenty-second verse:" 

Then Was brought unto him one possessed rvith a 
deviU blind and dumb: and he healed him, insomuch 
that the blind and dumb spoke and san>. 

"Here's another place where He heals them by 
wholesale, Matthew, fourteenth chapter and fourteenth 
verse:" 

And Jesus "went forth, and saip a great multitude, 
and was moved with compassion toward them, and he 
healed their sick. 

"Now here's another of the same kind. Matthew, 
fifteenth chapter and thirtieth verse:" 

And great multitudes came unto him, having with 
them those that were lame, blind, dumb, maimed, and 
many others, and cast them down at Jesus feet; and 
he healed them. 

"And here in the nineteenth chapter and the sec- 
ond verse of the same gospel:" 

And great multitudes followed him; and he healed 
them there. 

"Here's a case of a blind man. Matthew, twen- 
tieth chapter and thirtieth verse:" 



THE MASTER PHYSICIAN'S RECORD 127 

And behold, two blind men sitting fcp the rva^side, 
when the]) heard that Jesus passed fcp, cried out, saving. 
Have mercy on us, O Lord, thou son of David. 

"And then skip to the thirty-fourth verse, where it 
says:'* 

So Jesus had compassion on them, and touched their 
el;es: and immediatel]) their eyes received sight, and 
they followed him. 

"Here's another case of bhndness. Make a note of 
this:" 

(Matt. 21 :14) And the blind and the lame came 
to him in the temple; and he healed them. 

"That's enough for Matthew; let's turn to Mark 
and see if there are any cases there which were not 
recorded in Matthew. 

"Here's one; Mark, eighth chapter and twenty-sec- 
ond verse:" 

And he cometh to Bethsaida: and they bring a 
blind man unto him, and besought him to touch him. 

(23) And he took the blind man by the hand, and 
led him out of the town; and when he had spit on his 
eyes, and put his hands upon him, he asked him if he 
saw aught. 

(24) And he looked up, and said, I see men as 
trees walking. 



i^s Malization 

(25) After that he put his hand again upon his 
epes, and made him look "P-' ^^^ ^^ ^<3s restored^ and 
san? ever^ man dead}). 

After reading silently for awhile, the doctor said, 
**I guess that is all in Mark that we have not already 
read, except for a few places here where it mentions 
His healing a large number, and I suspect that most 
of these are duplicates of like accounts in Matthew. 
You might make a note of them, though, for the sake 
of the way some of them are told. First take this one ; 
Mark, third chapter and tenth verse:" 

For he had healed man^; insomuch that the]) 
pressed upon him for to touch him, as man]) as had 
plagues, 

"And then this one, Mark, sixth chapter and fifty- 
fifth verse:" 

And ran through that "whole region round about, 
and began to carr^ about in beds those that were sick, 
where the^ heard he was, 

(56) And whithersoever he entered; into villages, 
or cities, or countr]), the^ laid the sick in the streets, 
and besought him that the^ might touch if it were but 
the border of his garment: and as many as touched him 
Were made whole. 



THE MASTER PHYSICIAN'S RECORD 1 29 

"We'll just let the rest of those go and go on to Luke. 
Luke, seventh chapter and twelfth verse:" 

Norv when he came nigh to the gate of the city, be^ 
hold, there was a dead man carried out, the only son of 
his mother, and she was a widow: and much people of 
the city was with her, 

(13) And when the Lord saw her, he had com- 
passion on her, and said unto her. Weep not, 

(14) And he came and touched the bier: and they 
that bare him stood still, and he said. Young man, I 
say unto thee, Arise, 

(15) And he that Was dead sat up, and began to 
speak' And he delivered him to his mother, 

"Luke, eighth chapter and second verse.*' Stanly 
smiled at his manner of announcing the chapter and 
verse. It reminded him of prayer meeting when the 
attendance was scant and the reader, through force of 
habit, conducted the services as ceremoniously as if the 
greater part of his audience did not consist of empty 
benches. 

And certain women, which had been healed of evil 
spirits and infirmities, Mary called Magdalene, out of 
whom went seven devils, 

"There was a woman who was well provided with 
devils!" the doctor exclaimed. "I wonder just what 



130 REALIZATION 

was the source of this idea of theirs that insane people 
were possessed of devils. I wonder if it was anything 
more than their lack of understanding of the case. It 
might be that they understood them better than we do. 
I'd hate to be called upon to prove that they didn't. 

"Well, here's another one," he continued. "Luke, 
thirteenth chapter and eleventh verse." 

And, behold, there rvas a woman Tvhich had a spirit 
of infirmity eighteen ^ears, and was bowed together, 
and could in no wise lift up herself. 

(12) And when Jesus saw her, he called her to 
him, and said unto her. Woman, thou art loosed from 
thine infirmity, 

y (13) And he laid his hands on her: and immedi- 
atel^ she was made straight and glorified God, 

"Wonderful!" the doctor exclaimed. "I had 
thought that I was past wonder by this time, but that is 
too much not to excite some emotion even in one who 
has been thinking of nothing else for hours. Just think 
what that must have meant to that woman. No wonder 
that the Christian religion grew by the leaps and 
bounds in the days of Jesus. If there had been some 
person in every age who could do these things, it would 
have swept every other religion off the earth long ago." 

"It could have been done," Stanly hastened to as- 



THE MASTER PHYSICIAN'S RECORD 1 3 1 

sure him. "There could have been some one, and not 
only some one but many, in every age, who could have 
done the same things if they had only believed. Why, 
just see here '* 

"Fve no doubt of it," the doctor interrupted, "but 
for the present you are to listen and make notes. Your 
time to talk will come later. Here, take this one. Luke, 
fourteenth chapter and second verse:" 

And, behold, there Tvas a certain man before him 
which had the dropsy, 

(4) And they held their peace. And he took him 
and healed him, and let him go: 

"That seems to be about all of them except those 
which tell of general work done, and I suspect they are 
duplicates of those we have already seen. No, wait a 
minute! Here, in the very moment of His betrayal. 
He performs another miraculous cure. Take this, 
Luke, twenty-second chapter and forty-ninth verse:" 

When they which were about him saw what would 
follow, they said unto him. Lord, shall we smite with 
the sword? 

(50) And one of them smote a servant of the high 
priest, and cut off his right ear. 

(51) And Jesus answered and said. Suffer ye thus 
far. And he touched his ear, and healed him. 



132 REALIZATION 

"Isn't that typical of the man?'* the deUghted old 
man exclaimed. "Who but Jesus would have ren- 
dered such a service to one of His enemies at such a 
time? I guess this is about His last case of healing, and 
that for the benefit of an enemy. That is certainly a 
fitting close to a life that had been so freely given in 
service to people who were nothing to Him in the ordi- 
nary way of thinking. Sublime ! 

"Well, I guess that is all of Luke except those gen- 
eral cases. But here is one that is worthy of note. 

"Luke, seventeenth chapter and twelfth verse:" 

And as he entered into a certain village, there met 
him ten men that "Were lepers rvhich stood afar off: 

(13) And the^ lifted up their voices, and said, 
Jesus, Master, have mercy on us, 

(14) And when he san? them, he said unto them. 
Go shetP yourselves unto the priests. And it came to 
pass, that, as they went, they were cleansed. 

"Then, here are two more typical accounts. 
"Luke, sixth chapter and nineteenth verse:" 
And the whole multitude sought to touch him: for 
there went virtue out of him, and healed them all. 
"Luke, seventh chapter and twenty-first verse:" 
And in that same hour he cured many of their in- 
firmities and plagues, and of evil spirits; and unto many 
that Were blind he gave sight. 



THE MASTER PHYSICIAN'S RECORD 1 33 

"Now, let's see what we can find in John.'* 

He read in silence for a while, at times turning the 
pages rapidly and again lingering on a single page as 
if he found there something that interested him. 

"This writer does not pay so much attention to re- 
cording cases of healing. He appears to be more in- 
terested in the religious and metaphysical side of Jesus' 
teachings and works. Here is one place in the fifth 
chapter that I think we have not found elsewhere. 

"John, fifth chapter and fifth verse:" 
And a certain man Tvas there, Tvhich had an infirmity 
thirty and eight years. 

(6) When Jesus sajv him lie, and ^neB> that he had 
been now a long time in that case, he saith unto him. 
Wilt thou he made whole? 

(7) The impotent man answered him. Sir, I have 
no man, when the water is troubled, to put me into the 
pool: but while I am coming, another steppeth down 
before me. 

(8) Jesus saith unto him. Rise, take up thy bed, 
and walk. 

(9) And immediately the man was made whole, 
and took up his bed, and walked, and on the same day 
was the Sabbath. 



134 REALIZATION 

"They are scarce in this book,** he said, after an- 
other long wait, while he read to himself and turned 
over the pages. "Here's one, though. 

"John, ninth chapter and first verse:" 

And as Jesus passed fcij, he saw a man rphich was 
blind from his birth. 

(6) When he had thus spoken, he spat on the 
ground, and made clay of the spittle, and he anointed 
the eyes of the blind man with the clay. 

(7) And he said unto him. Go, wash in the pool of 
Siloam (which is by interpretation. Sent). He went 
his way, therefore, and washed, and came, seeing. 

"Well, that's a great cure for sore eyes. I wonder 
what would happen if I should spit on some dirt and 
offer to put it on Sam Rich*s eyes. I'll bet that old 
codger would heat up the air for a bit." And, amused 
at this conceit, the doctor lay back in his chair and 
laughed till Stanly joined in. 

"Well, I guess I'll not try any of the prescriptions 
I find in here, for I'm afraid some of them would be 
laughed at, and others would make my patients mad, 
and I couldn't make them feel any better about it if I 
told them that Jesus was the first to compound them. 
Funny about people, isn't iO 

"Well, here's another one, and I guess we'll let it go 



THE MASTER PHYSICIAN'S RECORD 1 35 

with this; there can't be many more, and I think we 
have enough to give us a good idea of what sort of a 
healer Jesus was. 

"John, eleventh chapter and first verse:" 
NoTv, a certain man was sick, named Lazarus, of 
Bethan^y the torvn of Mary and her sister Martha. 

"Now take the fourteenth verse; we'll have to skip 
around a good deal to get this story unless we want to 
copy this whole chapter." 

Then Jesus said unto them plainly, Lazarus is dead, 
"Now we skip to the seventeenth verse:" 
Then when Jesus came, he found that he had lain 
in the grave four days already. 

"Then take this, the forty-third verse:" 
And when he thus had spoken, he cried with a loud 
voice, Lazarus, come forth. 

(44) And he that was dead came forth, hound 
hand and foot with grave clothes and his face was 
hound about with a napkin. Jesus saith unto them. 
Loose him, and let him go. 

"Well, that is all we'll bother with, but I suppose it 
lacks a lot of being all that we could have found if we 
had gone over the gospels more carefully. Even as 
we have made it out, it is a wonderful record. What 
a record! I shall never think of Jesus again as any- 



136 REALIZATION 

thing but a great healer. It makes me feel like I had 
been a dabbler all my life to see what this sublime 
man did among that simple people and in an age when 
science was unknown. But, of course. He could never 
have done a tithe of these things if He had not been 
the Son of God and the Christ. It is hardly correct, 
no, it is not correct at all, to speak of Him as a man. 
He was without doubt a God. No man could have 
done as much." 

"But He has said that all men could do as much if 
they but believed,'* Stanly exclaimed. **He has said 
that whoever believes in Him can do all of the things 
that He did and even greater things; if there are any 
greater things to do. He did not teach that He owed 
His power to some divine relation that was peculiar to 
Him alone, but He taught that all men could be as He 
was. I do not understand fully what is necessary in 
order that a man may become in all ways like Him, if 
that is possible at all, but I can easily see what He 
says is necessary for a man to become a healer like Him. 
Here, let me show you what He says." 

Stanly turned to get the Bible, taking some papers 
out of his coat pocket, papers all covered over with 
notes; and the doctor saw that there was no way of 
shunting him off from his subject any longer, so he ac;-^ 
cepted the inevitable and let him go ahead, 



THE MASTER PHYSICIAN'S RECORD 1 37 

"All right, my boy. Go ahead and say what you 
have been trying to all afternoon. I'll see what I can 
make out of it. Perhaps you can teach me how to 
heal some of the old chronics that take up all the room 
around the stove over at the store.'* 



CHAPTER X. 
JESUS' POWER ETERNAL. 

liO, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. — (Matt. 

28:20.) 

STANLY was too deeply absorbed in thinking 
about his idea to see that the doctor was laugh- 
ing at him. His whole thought was taken up with the 
arguments that he was preparing to present to his friend 
in support of his belief in his idea. With the Bible 
on his lap and his notes spread out on the table by his 
side, he was soon ready to unfold the arguments which 
would prove to the doctor that men could heal as they 
did in the days of Jesus, even as He did, if they would 
but believe. 

**I wish I had my own Bible,*' he said, "for I have 
all the places marked in it, but I think I shall, perhaps, 
be able to find what I want in this one." 

And then he went over the ground that he had been 
over so many times by himself and with his mother, 
showing how Jesus had said that whoever had faith 
could do all that He did. He then brought forward 
the proofs that Jesus* disciples understood the Master's 
teaching as he did, since they had practiced healing and 



JESUS' POWER ETERNAL 1 39 

had told others to do the same thing after Jesus had 
gone from among them. He went over the whole fa- 
miliar ground, while the doctor sat back with eyes 
half shut and hands in front of him, finger to finger, 
sometimes listening and sometimes studying the 
speaker. 

The old man found the young one an interesting sub- 
ject of study. "Here," he thought, **is the true reli- 
gious enthusiast; he is almost a fanatic. If there is 
anything in what he is saying and belief in Jesus and 
the Power of God and the Divine Birthright of Man 
have any of the virtue that he thinks they have, he 
should certainly be the one to prove it, for he surely 
does believe. And his arguments sound plausible 
enough. It may be possible that there is something in 
it all. I wonder how it will turn out for him. Ordi- 
narily, I should say that there is not one chance in a 
thousand that he will get well, and that there are a 
good many chances in a thousand that he will become 
insane — hum! I came very near to saying that he will 
be possessed of devils! FU have to watch myself or 
I'll be diagnosing diseases in the terms and according to 
the ideas credited to Jesus. Wouldn't some of my 
patients think I was ready for the asylum if they heard 
me say that they had a withered arm, or that they were 



140 REALIZATION 

possessed of devils? Some of them would want to 
make me the subject of one of those church trials that 
they delight in. Well, I'll be out of this atmosphere 
quickly enough by the time I sit around the stove over 
at the store a little while, so I guess there's no danger of 
my making any such mistake unless it is in talking with 
Stanly, and he's too busy with his own thoughts to pay 
any attention to what I say. I wish I could do some- 
thing for him. Wonder how it'll all come out? 
There's nothing I can do and I guess it will be about as 
well to let him talk himself out now ; perhaps it will re- 
lieve some of the pressure and I may be able to say 
something that will cool him ojff a bit; that is, if he 
doesn't convert me to his way of thinking. He surely 
is an enthusiast." 

While he was following his own trains of thought, 
the doctor was at the same time keeping pretty close 
track of what Stanly was saying, and when his young 
friend had finished and asked him what he thought of 
it, he was able to reply. 

"Well, I don't quite know," he said. "You seem 
to have the matter pretty well thought out and I see no 
way to go behind it if we accept the Bible as authority, 
but I still don't see how it can be done. It is too differ- 
ent from my usual conceptions for me to accept it all 



JESUS' POWER ETERNAL 1 41 

at once, but when I can get them out of the way and 
think wholly of what you have said and the arguments 
for and against it from the standpoint of the Bible, I 
do not see how it could be otherwise than as you think 
that it is. Are you sure that there is not something in 
the Bible that explains all of these things as they are 
generally understood? You must have missed some- 
thing.'* 

"Oh, there are things in the Bible that will explain 
all right for the man who is hunting an explanation that 
will enable him to satisfy an uneasy conscience. But 
those are the passages which are so indefinite, and gen- 
eral, and hard to understand that no one ever pretends 
to try to explain them till they are needed to explain 
something else or to prove something that some person 
is very anxious to demonstrate. Those verses are used 
by people to satisfy themselves that they are what they 
pretend to be; but they do not explain; they merely 
enable hypocrites to deceive even themselves and stop 
the criticism of others who see what they are doing.'* 

"Now see here, my boy," the doctor exclaimed, 
when Stanly had finished this impassioned speech, 
"you don't want to get to saying hard things about other 
folks, for this will soon lead to your becoming just a 
kicker and keep you from anything reasonable and con- 



142 REALIZATION 

structive. Those are pretty hard things that you say 
about " 

"I'm not saying these things about other people, par- 
ticularly!" Stanly interrupted him. "Fm saying these 
things as much about myself and what I used to be- 
lieve as I am about other folks now. It is none of my 
business what any other person believes; it does not 
matter to me what you or any other person thinks, and 
I have no right to make odious comparisons and con- 
demn anyone but myself. I realize this as well as you 
do, perhaps, and I am not doing that now. Fm only 
arraigning the objections to my idea; telling how these 
statements are made to mean anything else than they 
mean to me, now. I used to be just as blind as any- 
one where these things are concerned, and I am now 
as blind as the worst of them in many respects, no 
doubt; and when I speak harshly of the other side of 
the question it is as much in shame for my past conduct, 
as in protest against the assertions of those who oppose 
my understanding of Jesus and his message. Don't 
you fear that I am becoming bitter or anything like 
that. You know that my mother's training will pro- 
tect me against anything of the sort. It is enough, 
though, to make anyone bitter to think how we have 
gone on year after year lying to ourselves and everyone 



JESUS' POWER ETERNAL 1 43 

else about the things that we have always counted most 
sacred; to think that we have been deceiving ourselves 
into thinking that we believed in Jesus when we only 
believed in our belief, and thinking that we were being 
made happy and comforted by His acceptance of our 
belief, when we have just been satisfied that our neigh- 
bors acknowledged our pretensions. It surely is enough 
to make anyone bitter." 

"But, Stanly, you seem to be taking for granted that 
you are without doubt right, when you may be now 
even more mistaken than you used to be. How do you 
know but what you are the one who is wrong and not 
the other folks who disagree with you?" 

"Why, look at the evidence, doctor! How can it 
be otherwise? There it is in plain words, without any 
qualification, without any conditions or provisions or 
alternatives (Mark 1 1 :23) : Whosoever * * ^ 
shall not doubt * * * shall have whatever he 
saith, and (John 14:12), He that helieveth on me, 
the works that I do shall he do also; and greater rvorks 
than these shall he do. Belief is the only condition. 
I do not see how there is any getting around that unless 
we lay it to Jesus' carelessness and a tendency to ex- 
aggeration in a moment of enthusiasm, and I guess 
there are few of those who object to my literal inter- 



144 REALIZATION 

pretation of these words, who would be wiUing to de- 
fend their position on any such grounds." 

"No,'* answered the doctor, **I can imagine that 
very few of the Old Faithfuls would be willing to ad- 
vance any such sacrilegious argument as that, or even 
to listen to some one else make it, for that matter, but I 
cannot see that that is much worse than saying that 
Jesus meant something else by what He said. It is 
just a matter in the one case of saying that He did not 
mean what He said and in the other, of saying that He 
meant something else; in other words, that He meant 
one thing and said another. 

"I'm like you so far as thinking that these things 
taken by themselves can mean nothing else than what 
they say, but it seems to me that you may find some- 
thing else that will show you that we have no right to 
read these statements in this way. Does the Bible say 
anything else about man's powers that agrees with 
what you have read to me?" 

"Yes, I think it does," Stanly replied. 

"Wait a moment. Yes, here, how's this?" 

(Phil. 4:13) / can do all things through Christ 
which strengtheneth me. 

"And this ; how does this agree with our past prac- 
tices in the church? (II Tim. 3:5) Having a form of 



JESUS' POWER ETERNAL 1 45 

godliness, but denying the power thereof; from such 
turn aTvay, 

"And this; how does this agree with what I have 
said about Jesus' promises ? Does this mean that Peter 
thought that they could not be depended upon, and 
that they were hmited to just a few, or does it mean 
what it does to me, that he thought they were to be 
trusted and were for all men who had knowledge of 
Jesus and faith in Him? Here's what he says (2 
Peter I :3) : According as his divine power hath 
given unto us all things that pertain unto life and God- 
liness, through the knowledge of him that hath called 
us to glor^ and virtue : 

(4) Whereby are given unto us exceeding great 
and precious promises: that by these ye might be par- 
takers of the divine nature, having escaped the corrup- 
tion that is in the world through lust. 

"Notice that, that by these (promises) ye might be 
partakers of the divine nature. Not only do we have 
power to do all that Jesus did, but we can also partake 
of the divine nature through these promises and, so far 
as I can see, belief is all that is required in order to re- 
ceive the benefits they promise us. If we partake of 
the divine nature, how is it strange that we shall have 
power over all of the things of the flesh, and evil, and 



146 REALIZATION 

all sickness and other low and undesirable and impure 
things? I do not see how we could partake of the di- 
vine nature and escape having power over all the lower 
order of things of earth. 

"And here, how is this? Many people will con- 
demn me for even trying to find out any other meaning 
of the scriptures than that they accept, because it is 
the fashion to accept that particular interpretation. I 
did not try to find any new meaning ; it just found itself 
and forced itself upon me, and left me no choice but to 
accept it; but if I had desired to read it with the idea 
of trying to understand it for myself, here is plenty of 
excuse for my doing so. Listen:" 

(Luke 1 1 :9) And I sap unto you. Ask, <3nJ it shall 
be given you; seek, and ye shall find; k^ock, and it 
shall he opened unto you. 

(10) For every one that asl^eih receiveth; and he 
that seeketh findeth; and to him that k^ocketh it shall 
he opened, 

"Now that is to me a command to try to find out 
what is meant by what He says, not to sit up with open 
ears and listen and take in and accept as truth, no mat- 
ter how absurd or otherwise, what some one else says 
about the matter. Of course, there are some who will 
say that Jesus wants people to seek for only certain 



JESUS' POWER ETERNAL 147 

things, conversion to a church creed, for instance; or 
peace of soul that may have nothing to do with their 
souls for all they know, and that it does not mean that 
each one shall seek for the meaning of these things for 
himself and that he shall accept only what seems to him 
right. They will say that that would make all sorts 
of confusion and turmoil and that there could be no or- 
ganizations and churches, and that one man would not 
know what another believed, for all men would have 
different ideas about things, on account of their being 
made different and having different ideas to start from. 

"And they would be partly right. People would all 
have different ideas, but what of that? Their ideas 
would be no more different than they are, and if it is 
right for all people to be the same so far as their ideas 
are concerned, why is it not right for them to be the 
same in other respects? I do not see that we have any 
right to say that what God has made so differently in 
every other way should be twisted, and dwarfed, and 
moulded to fit one set of ideas. 

"I do not see that there would be such a very disas- 
trous disagreement about those things concerning which 
one can have exact knowledge. I find that most peo- 
ple, in spite of the fact that they are so very different 
and tend to develop such various ideas about the unseen 



148 REALIZATION 

things of life, agree pretty well respecting those things 
that can be proven. 

"For instance ; they all agree that lead is heavier than 
feathers and that day is light and night dark, and that 
the sun shines and that men are grown-up babies, and 
so on ; and if they disagree about the other things after 
studying them, it seems to me that it is rather an indi- 
cation that none of them are right, than otherwise. 

"I believe that there is something in every nature that 
instinctively knows truth. I don't know how to ex- 
press it nor just exactly what I mean, perhaps, but I 
think there is a sort of response from the deeper nature 
to the perception of truth that lets us know when we 
have found it, if we but know how to and would 
always heed this indication. I have thought that this 
might be the truth of ourselves responding to the truth 
of our experiences or knowledge. 

"I can't find words to tell you just what I mean, but 
maybe you'll be able to see my idea. At any rate it 
has led me to this conclusion, granting that I am right; 
every truth unmixed with error is a self-evident truth. 
I mean by that, as nearly as I can tell you, that if I 
should tell you something that was wholly true and not 
part true and part untrue, you would not question it, but 
it would appear to you self-evident. In other words. 



JESUSr POWER ETERNAL 149 

the truth of your nature or whatever this quahty may 
be that perceives truth, would respond. On the other 
hand, if I told you something that was only part true 
and part untrue, a mixed truth and error, then there 
would be no responsiveness on your part and you would 
demand proofs and reasons. 

"Now where was I ? Oh, yes ! I was talking about 
whether it is right for us to look for new meanings in 
the scriptures. I think that here is a verse that com- 
mands us to seek everywhere for new things. Paul 
says (Thes. 5:21), Prove all things; hold fast that 
Tvhich is good. 

"This says nothing about appointing anyone to do 
the proving for us, and it does not say anything about 
accepting things because some self-appointed teacher 
tells us to, neither does it say that we shall have some 
one to tell us what has been proven good. I think that 
Paul understands that individual experience is the only 
thing that can prove that. This is to me a command 
to make an effort to find out for myself what is good 
and to avoid letting myself be directed by teachings 
which may be either false or true. He has the good 
sense to see that I would not know whether it were true 
or false, good or bad, except by the response of my own 
deeper nature," 



150 REALIZATION 

The doctor was smiling now. "Well, you seem to 
have it all pretty well figured out, all right,'* he said. 
"I did not realize that you were such a philosopher. 
Keep on and pretty soon you'll be starting a new reli- 
gion, or writing a book or something. It looks to me 
like you are making a pretty strong case of it. Is that 
all along that line?" 

"No, that is not all, and I do not see why you think 
it is so funny," Stanly expostulated. "I suppose I 
do seem rather ridiculous to you, but I don't feel it, I 
assure you. I'll bet you wouldn't find it very amusing 
if you were told that you had only a short time to live 
and then suddenly lost your grip on all that you had 
counted most stable and were put where you did not 
know what to look for in the hereafter. Religious 
matters become very important when one thinks he can 
see into his own grave. I never have had an idea take 
control of me like this before. I seem to have no 
power to think of anything else. Sometimes I am 
afraid that I am on the verge of insanity." 

"No, no, there's no danger of that," the doctor 
hastened to assure him. "You have just become greatly 
interested in the subject, and on account of the fact that 
you are fearful for your health, it has an unusual fasci- 
nation for you. As soon as you have definitely settled 



JESUS' POWER ETERNAL 1 5 1 

the matter it will lose some of its power to interest you." 
Stanly did not reply, and they sat silent while he 
hunted for another of the verses which he wished to 
bring forward in support of his idea. Presently he 
found one and, looking up, said : 

"Here's a verse in Corinthians which indicates that 
God wants us to do things, not talk about what we be- 
lieve. (I Cor. 4:20) For the kingdom of God is not 
in word, hut in power, I don't know v/hat that means 
to you, but to me it means that when we get the re- 
wards of belief and trust in God it will be in the form 
of power to do things, the things He told us to do, and 
that it will not show itself in the form of words and pro- 
fessions. To me this means that whenever we have 
come into the kingdom of God, whenever we have 
learned to truly believe in Jesus and God, it will be 
entirely unnecessary for us to make testimony of the 
fact. We will show it in the things we do; in other 
words, the signs of which Jesus spoke, will follow us. 

"Here's what Jesus told the man who brought his 
dumb son to be healed (Mark 9:23) : All things are 
possible to him that believeth, and in that case it was 
only the father's belief that was concerned. Why 
should I think it strange that we might be able to claim 
these promises for ourselves in this day, in view of all of 



152 REALIZATION 

the statements that I have shown you where He makes 
no Hmit of time and person, and also in view of His as- 
surance that (Matt. 24:35) Heaven and earth shall 
pass aTva^, hut my words shall not pass aivay, and 
(Matt. 28:18) All power is given unto me in heaven 
and in earth. 

(19) Go pe, therefore^ and teach all nations, bap- 
tizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, 
and of the Holy Ghost: 

(20) Teaching them to observe all things whatso- 
ever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you al- 
way, even unto the end of the world. 

**It seems to me that there can be no other way of 
looking at it. He says that whoever believes can do 
all that He did and then He says that His word en- 
dures forever and that He will be with us to the end 
of time; how can we think otherwise than that we can 
heal the sick and do the other things that He did, if we 
believe in Him?" 



CHAPTER XI. 
THE DECISION. 

A difficult problem is haif solved, when one has reached the point 
of Decision. 

HE HAD FINISHED his argument, and now he 
sat back and waited for the doctor's opinion, 
watching him with feverish eyes. 

The doctor did not speak for several minutes. He 
looked at the boy and then pursed up his lips, knitted 
his brows in thought, placed the tips of his fingers to- 
gether as was his habit when perplexed, and at last he 
spoke. 

"Well, Stanly, I have Hstened as best I could while 
some other things are on my mind, and I see no v/ay to 
get out of admitting that you have a very strong case in 
the affirmative for the proposition that men can today 
do the things that Jesus did if they believe the Bible 
and it is true. I'm no Bible student, but I understand 
English fairly well, and I do not see why a person 
would need more than that to see that Jesus evidently 
means that men should include healing among the 
things that they should do in following His teachings. 
Yes, you undoubtedly have a strong case, but I am 



154 REALIZATION 

not the man to whom it should be brought for a deci- 
sion; you should take it to a preacher, who makes that 
sort of thing " 

**I didn't come to you to decide it,'* Stanly ex- 
claimed. "I don't want anybody to decide it for me. 
I'll have to do that for myself. And least of all would 
I go to a preacher for an opinion on this question. He 
would meet me with the old stock of sophistries, and 
when I did not accept them as gospel truth, he would 
preach to me and I'd very likely get mad and insult 
him, or at least make him mad because I would ques- 
tion his pretension to speak with absolute authority. 
No, I'll not go to anyone else for a decision. I have 
already decided for myself and I only wanted to talk 
it out with you, and then, of course, I wanted to see 
what you would think about it." 

"Well, I think that it admits of little argument, as 
you have presented it to me, taking for granted that the 
Bible is true and Jesus' statements are reliable. As to 
that, I have never thought to question it. I've always 
just believed it because my parents told me to, and my 
wife and family always agreed with what my parents 
taught me. I cannot doubt it now and yet I cannot 
heal the sick without the use of my medicines, and I 
would hate to be under the necessity of taking up ser- 



THE DECISION 155 

pents and drinking poisons, and I don't believe that I 
can show any of the other signs you talk about. But I 
suppose I lack faith or something, so that doesn't dis- 
turb your conclusions, and if you have decided it — " 

"I have decided!" Stanly again interrupted him, 
eagerly. *'I have decided and I feel as if a load had 
been hfted off my shoulders! I feel like a new man!" 

And he looked it. The doctor caught a new tone in 
the boy's voice and looked up to find his eyes bright 
with a very different sort of light ; the old lines of stress 
and mental turmoil were all gone, and his whole frame 
seemed to have undergone some sort of metamorphosis. 
He was at a loss to understand what had taken place. 
He could not understand at first what had happened, 
and then he soon decided that the change in the boy's 
appearance was the result of his changed attitude of 
mind. Where he had been all tensed and strained 
with trying to decide between the different questions 
raised in his mind; where he had been torn by doubts, 
and hopes and fears, he was now at rest, his mind made 
up, all conflict gone and nothing but confident assurance 
remaining. The doctor saw that he had truly decided, 
that his mental crisis was past and he welcomed the 
change with a sigh of reHef. 

**I wonder if this is to be a miracle," he thought. 



156 REALIZATION 

"He certainly Is changed in appearance, and he has 
faith enough in what he has been telHng me to do any- 
thing that faith can do. I shouldn't be surprised '* 

The doctor was still under the spell of Stanly's ar- 
guments, his belief and his talk and he would, perhaps, 
not have been surprised at anything that might have oc- 
curred at that moment. Later he was ashamed of his 
credulity, but for the moment he was wholly under the 
spell of the Bible stories he had heard and the argu- 
ments his young companion had given him. Then he 
did a fooHsh thing, something which he instantly 
regretted. 

**Yes, and you look like a new man. You believe 
so fully now, why don't you exercise your faith and 
cure yourself?" 

"Why, I — I — " The boy stopped, bewildered. His 
face fell, the light died out of his eyes, his body 
slumped down in his chair and he seemed about to 
faint. 

The doctor hurried to his side and took hold of his 
shoulder. 

"Here, here, my boy! Brace up! Brace up! 
What's the matter with you?" 

"I — I don't — ^believe," the boy gasped. "I can't, 

I». »» 
— can t. 



THE DECISION 157 

"You mean that you don't believe what you have 
been telling me all afternoon? You mean to sit up 
there and tell me that you have just been talking and 
acting all this time?'* 

The doctor made a pretense at bluster in the hope 
that he might be able to turn the boy's thoughts into 
other channels and counteract the depressing effect of 
his ill-considered speech. His words had in some de- 
gree the result hoped for. Stanly started up in earnest 
protest against the other's accusation that he had been 
shamming, thinking he spoke in earnest. 

"I do believe it! It is true, every word of it is true! 
It can't be any other way ! I am satisfied that that is 
what Jesus meant and that if I believe in Him as I 
should, as I used to think that I did and as I try to do 
now, I could heal myself and others as He did. I be- 
lieve what I have been telling you and I shall always 
believe that — yes, more — I ^noip it, it does not admit 
of doubt." 

When the doctor saw that he had been partially suc- 
cessful, he tried to comfort the boy and make him con- 
tented with what he had gained. He hoped to be able, 
in this v/ay, to induce him to abandon it all till his mind 
could have a chance to rest from the internal conflict 
which he had just gone through. 



h 



158 REALIZATION 

"Yes, Fm inclined to agree with you. You must 
have it right, and I am going to make a further study 
of it and see if there is any way that I can make prac- 
tical use of this fact. You're too impatient and take 
things too seriously. Just you wait till you are as old 
as I am and then you won't be in such a hurry to get 
results and you won't try to force matters. I don't 
know much about it, but even I can see that some of 
these things have to be slow growths in the mind. You 
have just been through a period of stress and storm and 
your mind is still in a state of ferment and not in the 
condition to exercise the quiet trust that you are looking 
for. Just you wait ; let the matter drop for a few days 
and then take it up again, and you will find that you 
have perhaps attained what you are seeking in the 
interim." 

And then the doctor had an inspiration. He did not 
know much about the value of hope except that he 
knew that his patients did better when they were in a 
hopeful state of mind, and he had never consciously 
used suggestion for the purpose of producing this state 
of mind, for the sake of any therapeutic effect, but now, 
in the effort to do something to aid his young friend, he 
crystallized many unconscious experiences of the past, 
into conscious knowledge. Hardly thinking what he 



THE DECISION 159 

was doing and without any calculated end in view, he 
put his newly acquired knowledge into practice. 

**I believe now that you are going to get well, 
Stanly,*' he said. "You can again take up your med- 
ical studies and by the time you have fully recovered 
your health you can be ready to pass examinations and 
probably begin practicing. Take your books home 
with you this evening and start where you left off. 
You'd better review a bit, too, for you have very likely 
lost the hang of the earlier lessons by this time." 

The doctor talked as if there were no chance but 
that Stanly would believe his prophecy and would wish 
to again take up the study of medicine, and as he talked 
he believed what he was saying — so great is the pov/er 
of acting over the actor — and fell into his old manner 
of speaking, which brought back to the boy those other 
days before he had found that he was sick, the days 
when he was happy in the thought that he was to be a 
physician. For a time his religious difficulties were put 
wholly into the background, and he was as anxious as 
ever to be a doctor and consequendy happy in the pros- 
pect of having his wish fulfilled. 

The effect on his appearance was all that the doctor 
had hoped for. The droop was all gone, and in its 
place were hope and a budding joy. The sparkle was 



160 REALIZATION 

back in the sick lad's eyes now, and this time there was 
nothing of the insane ghtter in them which had before 
so greatly contributed to the doctor's disquiet. 

"Do you really think that I shall get well?" Stanly 
asked the question, hardly daring to hope that it might 
be true. "Do you think that I shall ever be strong 
enough and that I can live long enough to be a 
doctor?" 

"Yes, I believe you can," the doctor replied. "I 
believe that you will get well, now that you have de- 
cided your religious difficulties, and I would like to see 
you take up your studies as much for a safeguard to 
your health as in order that you may make a profes- 
sional success. 

"Of course, I may be mistaken," he continued, after 
a while. "I cannot be certain about this, any more 
than I was certain about my first unfavorable diagnosis. 
I may be mistaken, but I think that the chances are 
very largely in your favor. I believe that you can do 
it. To make sure, let me give you a further exam- 
ination." 

He went through the form of an examination, and 
what he found would have been very discouraging 
news for his patient if he had told him, but he then 
pretended that his opinion was confirmed. Now that 



THE DECISION 161 

he was using this medicine of hope and had committed 
himself to this plan he did not forsake it, but continued 
as he had begun, to build up the boy's hope and inter- 
est in other lines on the chance that he could keep his 
mind off the subject of his religious difficulties. 

"Yes, you will make it now, I believe, but you must 
take care of yourself and keep cheerful and not think 
any more about religion and all of that. Put your 
Bible away and don't touch it again till I give you 
leave, and stop worrying about these things. Keep 
your mind on your medical books and on the work at 
home, and practice the breathing exercises you have 
been taking and I think that you'll pull through. Don't 
do any heavy work, but keep as busy as possible with 
light, easy tasks and your books, and, above all else, 
don't think of this matter of healing the sick and what 
will become of you when you die. If you follow my 
directions you will probably not have to die till you are 
tired of life. It rests with you, now." 

The doctor wiped the sweat from his brow, and as 
Stanly arose to start home he gave him the same big 
book that the lad had carried to town on the day that 
he learned what it meant to feel death close to him. 
The old man had found this task of lying to the boy, 
in the faint hope that he might be able to get well. 



162 REALIZATION 

a hard one, and now he was wishing that his visitor 
would depart before his mask gave way and revealed 
the truth. 

Stanly left the doctor's office with a comparatively 
light heart. He had for the time forgotten the matter 
of his religious doubts and fears and hopes ; and he was 
now looking forward again to a future of achievement 
and realization of some of the dreams that had one 
time been so dear and which were again coming to life 
in his heart. The sun was near the western horizon 
and it was time for him to be starting homeward if he 
would arrive before the heavy dew began to fall, so he 
did not stop to talk with any of his friends on the street. 
He quickly made his way to his horse and, being luck- 
ily equipped with saddle-bags, which his mother had 
asked him to take in order that he might bring home 
some little things for her, things which he forgot to get, 
he was enabled to take care of his book without having 
to carry it under his arm. He was soon out in the coun- 
try lanes again and riding homeward. 

His whole mind was full of its dreams, and he did 
not think of what the afternoon had meant to him until 
after he had crossed the Willow Fork, where he had to 
stop to let the horse drink. Then he tried to compare 
the man he then was with the man he had been when he 



THE DECISION 163 

crossed the stream earlier in the day, and he found that 
his greatest mental effort would hardly connect them as 
the same person. He felt like he was living in a whole 
new world, a world which had nothing in common with 
anything that he had ever known before. And then 
as he thought of the prospects that his dreams found for 
him in the future, he went back in memory to the hap- 
pier times when he had cherished these same dreams, 
and thus connected the present life with the earlier one, 
and the shadowed interim soon faded into an indistinct 
memory. The doctor's prescription of hope was work- 
ing even better than he had anticipated. It was giving 
the lad happiness and was really affording him a fight- 
ing chance for his life. 

Thus happily did he ride till he had come to the 
hills a couple of miles from home. With a sudden 
physical weariness there came a reaction of thought, 
and he was again confronted with the question of his 
relation with Jesus and the church which he had so 
long loved and respected. With this came the thought, 
*'I do not believe." 

Again he was plunged into mental turmoil with all 
the attendant suffering. He went over all the old argu- 
ments and arrived at the usual conclusion that he was 
right in his understanding of Jesus' teaching, and then 



164 REALIZATION 

came again to a personal application of it and found 
himself forced to admit that he did not believe. 

He was exceedingly unhappy. His dreams were 
all gone. It did not matter to him that the doctor had 
said that he might get well. Nothing mattered except 
that Jesus had come to earth with a message of hope and 
life, of health in the body and happiness on earth and 
of life for eternity ; a message for all men for all times ; 
that Jesus had come to earth with a message for him 
and that he could not receive it. Jesus had died for 
him and was living for him and was holding out all 
power and happiness and everlasting life to him if he 
would only accept it, and he — he could not believe! 
In the face of this fact, nothing else mattered at all; 
all else was insignificant! There was no place in the 
whole world for dreams. He did not believe, all else 
was of no account. That alone was important. 

Torn by these thoughts he travelled two weary miles 

which brought him in sight of home, dimly visible in the 
dusk on a hill-top across a little valley. He stopped, 
hitched the horse to the fence and sat down on a grassy 
bank by the roadside. He had no definite idea in stop- 
ping at that place, but he wanted to be quiet so that he 
could think ; he wanted to be alone and he felt that he 
must have the whole matter over and done with before 



THE DECISION 165 

he reached home, where he would be asked questions 
about the news from town, and wondered at for for- 
getting the mail and the errands that he was to have 
done for his mother. Even the company of Old Doll 
disturbed him and he soon arose and walked into the 
woods where he could be wholly alone. There he sat 
dov/n v/here he could see the clustered farmhouses at 
home and, leaning back against a tree, he tried carefully 
and calmly to go over the matter of his relation with 
Jesus and His message. 

His mind recoiled from the task. He could not mar- 
shal his thoughts into any order. He could think of 
nothing except, *'I do not believe. This is a personal 
matter between me and Jesus Christ, as it is with every 
other person who pretends to believe in Him, and I 
cannot accept Him, I cannot do my part." 

This thought haunted him; he could not get rid of 
it. Finally in desperation he knelt and prayed again. 
It seemed that when he had gone just so far in his dif- 
ficulties, when the accumulating troubles had gathered 
to just a certain point, he always involuntarily attempted 
to unburden himself in prayer. He now knelt and 
prayed without any intention of doing so, without any 
thought of what he was doing. It was with him as 
natural as is the quick request of a child for something 
that it has just seen and wanted and it was just as 



166 REALIZATION 

frankly sincere and offered with just as much faith in 
its being heard. 

As he prayed the calm and peace of mind he had 
felt in the few moments between the time of discover- 
ing that he had made his decision and the doctor's rais- 
ing his old doubt again, returned to him, and he finally 
arose and stood looking across the valley toward the 
now invisible farm buildings. He felt certain of him- 
self now. He was not conscious of any doubt of either 
his understanding of Jesus' message nor of his faith in 
them; he was hardly conscious of any definite feeling 
or thought. He was calm and quiet; his mind was at 
rest. He was unconscious of doubts, perhaps for the 
reason that he was not thinking of them. He was not 
thinking of anything; he was merely resting. 

But he did not know that then, and he did not care 
what the reason was for his feelings; he would not 
have cared if he had known that he would still doubt 
when the subject came again to his mind. He had 
emptied his surcharged mind of all its disquieting con- 
tents and the result was peace. His prayer had been 
a safety-valve to release the overplus of emotion and 
he no longer felt anything, hence he was at ease. 

He stood for a few minutes looking toward his home 
hid in the dusk, and then found his horse and finished 
his interrupted journey. 



CHAPTER XII. 
THE DAWN OF FAITH. 

liOrd, I believe; help thou mine unbelief. — (Mark 9:24.) 

STANLY studied his medical books and followed 
the doctor's instructions in regard to the Bible 
and his religious problems for a couple of days and then 
went to town again to have a lesson and talk with his 
friend. 

While they talked of medical subjects the doctor 
studied his pupil and he saw in his appearance many 
signs that the prophecy he had made for the sake of 
the effect that hope would have in changing the current 
of the boy's thoughts and saving a mind that was per- 
ilously near the wrecking point, might indeed be com- 
ing true. This was a very different sort of lad from 
the one who had come to him a few days before with 
feverish eyes and drawn face. This was a young man 
who was interested in life, who had a sane outlook 
on the present and a hopeful view of the future. He 
was greatly pleased in the changed appearance of his 
patient and he took the first opportunity of determin- 
ing whether the change went any further than in sur- 



168 REALIZATION 

face indications. He found some slight improvement, 
but not enough to let him honestly say that there was 
any chance for the boy to get well. He did not tell 
him that, however. Following the course in which he 
had started, he told him that he was getting better and 
gave him some more instructions about his habits of 
body and mind, and sent him home with a longer les- 
son and instructions to report again soon. 

This is typical of his life for several weeks. Then 
there came a change. He began to think more and 
more of religious matters. His old doubts arose afresh 
and with renewed power to affect him. He no longer 
doubted his interpretation of the scriptures; he never 
thought of Jesus' words to the disciples as meaning 
anything else than that belief in Him would be proven 
by the signs that He mentioned. He never thought of 
it as other than a purely private matter between himself 
and Jesus and consequently never attended church, 
where he felt that his presence would be taken as an 
avowal of belief to his fellow-church members ; and he 
never even talked the matter over with his mother after 
telling her his final decision and his reasons for it. He 
was no longer troubled by doubts of this kind. That 
matter was finished, the discussion closed and beyond 
any possible re-opening. 



THE DAWN OF FAITH 169 

One of his neighbors had endeavored to open the 
discussion with him one day, but Stanly had met his 
arguments and accusations with a plain statement of 
belief and the announcement that he felt that this was a 
matter between himself and his God and that he was 
not called upon to discuss it v/ith, or defend it from, 
any other man on earth. Neither did he care to try 
to win any converts to his opinions. This is what he 
had found in the Bible and if the neighbor did not 
find the same thing there, that was his affair and he 
was not accountable to him. 

This speech, delivered with a boy*s assurance of 
power, which Stanly, at a very early age, had devel- 
oped to a surprising degree, amused the neighbor, but 
put an effectual check upon any desire he may have 
felt to ever again broach the subject. 

Therefore, when the seeker revived the old ques- 
tion, this part of it no longer vexed him, but instead 
gave him a firm foundation upon which to rest his other 
doubt, his doubt of himself. This was one less cause 
for worry, but its being decided and accepted made 
the others all the more powerful. He now had no al- 
ternative that he could see ; he either did or he did not 
believe, and there could be no question about the mat- 
ter so long as he remained sick, And he was still sick; 



170 REALIZATION 

he had never had confidence enough in himself to ask 
for his health. 

When these questions came up again to vex him, 
he speedily forgot all about the medical books; his 
desire to become a doctor and his rosy dreams of the 
future faded from view and he was plunged into a 
hopeless despair that lasted for a full week before 
he again came to the point of prayer. 

As before, his prayer this time was for faith. He 
had not yet come to the point of praying for health. 
He had not yet come to trust his belief. With his 
prayer, as before, came a temporary relief, a passing 
calm, but this time there was no live interest to take 
the place of his religious difficulties and his health 
was so broken from the strain of the last spell of 
v/orrying that this was further cause for uneasiness 
and further cause to prevent him from getting his mind 
focused elsewhere. He soon returned to the problem. 

There is rarely any standing still in the course of 
fife. Its current has but few pools in it where the 
v/ater does not move in some direction. Man is either 
going forward or backward; he is rarely resting, and 
if he does come to a stop it is only for a time. He is 
soon starting either onward or backward again. 

It was so with Stanly's reHgious life. He was 



THE DAWN OF FAITH 171 

making constant progress. While continually revert- 
ing to the old doubts and fears, he always came back 
to them from a little different position. Each time, 
he brought a different desire, a different knowledge 
and a different power to bear upon his problems, and 
now when he came back to the old test again, he came 
ready to attack it from a new and very advanced 
standpoint. 

It was still a matter of testing his belief in Jesus, 
but now he was ready to test it from another point of 
departure. He was now ready to try his faith. Be- 
fore, he had not had enough confidence in himself to 
try it in actual personal application, but his last crisis 
had enabled him to weed out some of the doubts which 
had stood in the way of realizing that stage of devel- 
opment, and he now had sufficient self-assurance to 
ask for health. 

One morning he awoke with the doctor's question 
ringing in his ears. 

"Now that you believe, why don't you heal your- 
self?" 

This question filled his mind, accusing and shaming 
him. "Why don't you heal yourself? Why don't 
you heal yourself?" It seemed to him that the birds 
were singing the words. He could think of nothing 
else. 



172 REALIZATION 

"Why don't I heal myself ?" he thought. "I do 
believe, and I want my health, and Jesus has said that 
those who believe in Him and pray without doubt of 
their receiving it, can have whatever they pray for. 
Why don't I heal myself?" 

Stanly was not in a condition when calm, careful 
consideration of anything was possible to him. His 
mind had been so long troubled with problems in which 
reason and logic had but Httle part, and the habit of 
worrying about these matters had become so thoroughly 
established, that he now found it next to impossible to 
attack this question with any method of analysis that 
would be calculated to give an answer to it. He 
could only repeat the question to himself in various 
forms and wait for his mental powers to unconsciously 
find the answer for him. 

He tried to think of some reason for his failure to 
heal himself; he tried to see why he was sick and at 
the same time able to believe that the prayer of faith 
could heal him, and that he was able to pray that 
prayer. He was unable to find any answer to the ques- 
tion until it suddenly occurred to him that he had not 
tried it. He had made no effort to heal himself. He 
had not exercised the power that Jesus had said would 



THE DA WN OF FAITH 1 73 

be his when he believed. He was possessed of the 
power but had not tried to use it. No wonder he had 
not healed himself. 

"I am like the man who, with a great, strong body, 
might starve in the midst of plenty because he lacked 
the sense to reach out for food. Here, I, through 
my faith, partake of the divine nature, have at my 
disposal divine power and have Jesus' promise that 
my prayers shall bring to me whatever I want, and 
do I pray for health, the thing that I want above all 
else? No, I sit and mourn my lack of it; I take 
breathing exercises, and pills, and shield myself and 
eat everything except the things that I want to eat, and 
puzzle over the problem of what Jesus meant by what 
He said; wonder whether Fie meant what He said or 
meant something else and then, when I have settled 
all my doubts and I really believe, I still sit and mourn 
and pity myself and wonder why I'm sick. I guess 
I'm like a lot of other believers in Jesus. I believe 
in Him but I don't want to take any chances of being 
mistaken; I never give Him a chance to answer the 
prayer of faith. When I pray it is for something that I 
can either say I have or have not received, and which 
I can prove to myself that I have received in answer to 
my prayer, in spite of the fact that it seems more likely 



174 REALIZATION 

that the case is just the opposite. We are all afraid to 
test our faith; we know too often that there is not 
enough of it to admit of test; it is merely a matter of 
words and we are afraid to run the chance of making it 
anything else. 

"I'll test my faith now; 1*11 not wait any longer,'* 
and without more ado he bounded out of bed and 
kneeling by its side he prayed. 

"O Lord, I believe. Make me well again. Give 
me back my health. Jesus, heal me." 

It was a prayer from the heart, but it was more formal 
and had less of emotion behind it than his prayers 
for faith had had. This was no bursting of a safety 
valve; this was a formal, well-considered prayer, a 
prayer resembling in large degree the public prayers 
he had heard in church, and he recognized this dif- 
ference even while he was praying. In this was the 
seed of the doubt which caused him to get back into his 
bed and lie there watching for the metamorphosis that 
would mean his restoration to health. 

He lay quiet for fifteen minutes, waiting for the 
change, and the change did not come. He waited fif- 
teen minutes more, and still he did not feel any change. 
Another period passed, and then he arose and began to 
make tests to see if he was still sick or had been cured 



THE DAV/N OF FAITH 1 75 

without noticing the difference. He started his self- 
exploration with a dull fear at his heart and continued 
it with growing distress. When he found that he was 
the same, that there was no difference whatever in his 
condition so far as he could determine, he was gripped 
by panic fear; his old doubts of himself momentarily 
returned, and he was desperate. 

All morning long he went about in a daze, stunned 
with the thought that a prayer of faith had failed. He 
did not doubt his faith; he was past that stage; he 
did not doubt his understanding of Jesus' teachings; 
he had passed that point first of all; and he did not 
doubt that Jesus was rehable; he had never ques- 
tioned that, but he had prayed believing and he had 
not received an answer to his prayer, and he could not 
understand it. 

After dinner he went to the tree by the spring and 
there he sat down to think it over again. He went 
over the whole thing from first to last several times 
without coming to any least understanding of what 
was wrong, till finally a new thought came to him. 

"Did I really pray believing?'* 

This was the first time that he had consciously ques- 
tioned it. 

"I do not think I doubted; I know that I expected 



176 REALIZATION 

to be healed; is it possible that I doubted without 
knowing it?*' 

He then analysed as carefully as was possible for 
him, in his disordered state of mind, his actions and 
thoughts at that time, and he finally came to understand 
that he had doubted; that he had proven his doubt 
when he got back into bed to see what would happen. 
In looking for a difference which would show that his 
prayer was answered he had proven his doubt. If he 
had not doubted he would never have thought to notice 
to see whether he was healed. He would have taken 
it for granted. It was only that he recognised a possi- 
biHty of his not being healed that he had been able to 
look for it. Fie saw that he v/ould not look for some- 
thing that there was no question of finding ; that look- 
ing had been asking the question, "Is it done?" 

Then again he prayed and again he failed to get 
the answer and for the same reason. Or at any rate 
he thought that it was for the same reason. He thought 
that he had not yet been able to pray believing, and 
yet he could not see any room for doubt except as he 
found it in his looking for the signs of cure afterwards. 
He then decided that the prayer of faith would not 
be a formal prayer, a prayer **on occasion,** as he put 
it, but would be an involuntary out-pouring of the soul. 



THE DAWN OF FAITH 1 77 

perhaps an unconscious act. He decided to stop pray- 
ing for a set purpose where he would make the prayer 
much the same as a dose of pills which he would ad- 
minister to a certain end. , He saw that this was mak- 
ing the prayer itself an object and that where it be- 
came so all-important the faith was likely to be left out. 

*'As the prayer becomes formal it becomes the ob- 
ject of the effort and correspondingly lacking in faith," 
he thought. *'I see now how there is so little praying 
that gets tangible answers and how it became necessary 
for a formalized religion to cover up and drop out of 
sight the truth of Jesus' best promises to men while they 
live on earth. I shall never consciously or voluntarily 
pray again. I shall live and desire what I feel that I 
need, and when I desire believing that I have it, I shall 
have prayed the prayer of faith. And when I have 
prayed this prayer I shall not look to see if I have had it 
answered, I shall never think of pulling aside my curtain 
to see if the rosebush has been removed, or the moun- 
tain cast into the sea, but I shall know that I have what 
I desire without looking and shall never think to ques- 
tion it. 

"I have not yet prayed the prayer of faith, but I 
shall; I know that I shall. I shall pray a prayer of 
perfect trust, in which there is no room left for curiosity, 
and I shall have it answered." 



CHAPTER XIII. 
THE PROMISE FULFILLED. 

Be not slothful, but followers of them who through faith and pa- 
tience Inherit the promises. — (Luke 6:12.) 

STANLY was exalted, happy, exultant. He felt 
that nothing was impossible to him. He felt that 
he would have his health, that he would be well and 
strong again. 

But he was not yet through with this period of stress, 
he was only well entered upon it. He went about in 
this same happy mood for the rest of that day, and he 
was still confident and happy next morning when he 
arose, but he began to get discouraged when that day 
passed without showing any change in his condition, 
and he was again falling into despair when a fruitless 
week had passed. He tried to reason with himself; 
he tried to think that he would come to the point where 
he could trust perfectly and be healed, and then would 
come the thought that he did not see how it were possi- 
ble to trust more perfectly than he then did. 

One day his mother had a caller and while they 
talked he tried to take a nap in the next room. This 



THE PROMISE FULFILLED 1 79 

was one of the days when he seemed to be losing every 
power to struggle against the current that tried to pull 
him down, when he seemed even to lose the desire to 
struggle, and he was resting now in almost hopeless de- 
spondency. He had been suffering more of late; he 
had grown weaker and his hemorrhages so frequent 
and copious that he lived in constant fear that his 
mother would discover his condition. He knew that 
he should not think of these things, for while he was 
no longer going to see the doctor, he still remembered 
occasionally what he had told him and tried sometimes 
to follow his directions. In compliance with his friend's 
cautions, he now tried to think of other things, but 
he seemed to have lost all power to govern himself 
and his thoughts quickly drifted back into their gloomy 
channel and stayed there. 

His mind fully occupied, he did not hear what his 
mother and her caller were talking about till some- 
thing that the visitor said in a louder tone caught his 
attention. 

"It may not be God's will that she should get well," 
the visitor said. **He may be trying her for her own 
good. You know who the Lord loves He chastens," 
she incorrectly quoted; and the rest was lost in the 
thoughts that quickly surged into his consciousness. 



180 REALIZATION 

"Perhaps it is God's will that I should be sick/* he 
thought. **Perhaps He has visited my sickness upon 
me for some purpose and He may not want me to re- 
cover. Perhaps that is the reason why I have not 
been healed before this. I surely have prayed with 
faith in my heart. Yes, that must be it. It is God's 
will that I suffer." 

He was in one of those morbid states of mind when 
the sufferer welcomes the thought that he is sick, as 
sick as possible; when he would even consciously 
lie in order to make himself out the sickest of the crowd 
if talking with his fellows, and when he loves to pose 
before himself in the mirror, assuming the most dolo- 
rous countenance possible in demonstration of his very 
deplorable condition. He welcomed now the thought 
that he was being made to suffer by the will of God, 
and his mind ran easily on conjuring up further suf- 
ferings that he would likely undergo, limited in its 
gruesome occupation only by the limits of his imagina- 
tive powers. He decided that he was to be afflicted 
vWth every pain and trouble possible to his disease, with 
perhaps the larger part of the complaints of which he 
had read in his medical books added. 

Presently he grew weary and fell asleep. When 
he awoke he went back to the idea that he might be 



THE PROMISE FULFILLED 181 

sick by the will of God and that it might not be God's 
wish that he should get well. 

"If that is so, I suppose that I should accept my 
afflictions and not try to get well," he thought. "But 
I don*t believe that is honestly possible. I don't be- 
lieve that anyone of those who roll up their eyes and 
try to look as they think martyrs should look and say 
that it is God's will that they should suffer, and then 
add *God's will be done' — I don't believe that they 
or anyone else really resign themselves to their fate 
and do not want to be well. I have never seen any- 
one myself who did not send for a doctor as soon as 
he got sick and who ever gave up trying to get well, 
and I never expect to unless I run across someone 
who has found life so unpleasant and painful that he 
welcomes the idea of the change. I think that God 
made man perfect and that he is himself responsible 
for all the troubles and the pains that have come to 
him. Seems to me that Solom.on or some one said 
that The Lord has made men perfect, but He has 
sought out many inventions, and I agree with him. 
No, sir, if God intended to make man suffer He would 
not have made him always want to get well." 

Then he went over in his mind, one of the conver- 
sations which he had had with the doctor, when his 



182 REALIZATION 

friend had told him that there is a principle in all of 
nature which tends towards healing; that the injured 
plant makes an effort to heal its wounds and that the 
animal always tries to get well; that this principle 
is recognized as a part of the nature of the man, ani- 
mal, and plant and that it is always present. From 
this he went on to the further thought which he had 
gained from the same source, that pain is evidence of 
an effort on nature's part to restore the injured part 
to the normal condition; that it is really a friendly 
warning to the conscious man to stop whatever is in- 
terfering with the normal conduct of Her business of 
life, and he could not see how he could reconcile this 
characteristic that God had given to all living things 
and maintained in their bodies, with the idea that He 
also inflicts the injuries that cause the pains. 

"Pain is for the purpose of protecting the sufferer, 
and it is given things to feel pain for the sake of the 
good it will do them; how then would He contradict 
the purpose and intention expressed there by inflicting 
injury on the beings He has created and equipped 
for protecting themselves against exactly these things? 
No, that is not so. That is another of the sophistries 
that men have made to keep from having to meet some 
of the questions that are put to them. No, I'll never 



THE PROMISE FULFILLED 183 

believe that God inflicts pain on any person or thing. 
I do not remember of a single instance where Jesus 
told anyone who appealed to Him for help, while He 
was on earth, that He would not cure them, that it 
was the will of God that they be sick. No, that's 
false, and I'll not believe it. 

"God is trying to heal us all the time, but we have 
not the faith that will enable Him to do it. That 
seems a strange thing to say about omnipotent God, 
but I guess He has made some law that renders faith 
necessary, for Jesus could not do healing without be- 
lief in Him and He is the same as God. 

"Well, I don't know how it is, the more I think of it 
the more I get muddled and I have no way of know- 
ing when I'm right, for on one hand stand all the 
teachings of the preachers and Bible students, and on 
the other hand is the Bible itself, which makes these 
teachings seem to me to be largely false, and between 
them I lie sick and sore and unable to decide what is 
right and what is wrong. Of one thing only I am sat- 
isfied, and that is that Jesus told us the truth and the 
prayer of faith will heal the sick today as well as in 
the days of His ministry among men, if there are 
any who can pray that kind of a prayer. And I 
feel certain that not only will this sort of a prayer re- 



184 REALIZATION 

suit in healing, but it will bring to us anything else 
that we ask for, move mountains of any and all kinds, 
literal and figurative, if we can but pray believing." 

So his thoughts ran on, summing up the results of 
his trials and his efforts to clear up the tangled skein of 
crossed life currents and misunderstandings. He had 
finally come to the point where he could begin to be- 
lieve in that extreme degree which merits the name of 
trust. He was ready to pray a real prayer of faith; 
he, in fact, was giving expression to such a prayer in 
this summing up and self-appraisement, although he 
did not know it and was not in the least conscious that 
he was actually praying. He was praying the first 
of many prayers of faith that he was to pray in years 
to come as the result of his long struggle with doubt. 

**I know that Jesus is to be trusted." He was speak- 
ing aloud in his earnestness. **I know that He did not 
lie to us, that if He were here in His own flesh today 
He would be able to heal us and that He would do 
it ; He would not refuse us and tell us that it is the will 
of God that His children suffer, their faces and form.s 
lose all of their humanity in the terrible conflict with 
pain and disease. Why, that one thing alone, the dis- 
figurement that conies from the ravages of disease and 
the tortures of pain, affecting both body and mind, 



THE PROMISE FULFILLED 185 

should be enough to prove that God does not afflict 
His children, for we are made in His image, and 
surely it would not be His will that we should so dis- 
tort and falsify His image. 

"No, ril not believe any such blasphemy about the 
loving God, no matter who is responsible for it; no 
matter who originated the idea that He could afflict 
men, 1*11 never believe it. For all of Jesus' life and 
works prove to me that there is only love in His heart 
for men and that when we obey the laws which He has 
ordained in the universe and so give Him a chance to 
express that love for us. He will bless us with health, 
and cleanness of heart, and purity of soul, and strength 
of spirit. When we fall short of these ideal states the 
fault is our own, we are disobedient and rebellious and 
are not giving Him a chance to express in us the Per- 
fection which His own Perfect Nature knows and 
which His love inspires Him to give to us.'* 

Stanly had grown in mind and power of thought 
to the stature of full manhood during the months of 
his trouble. Naturally of a logical mind and inspired 
by his mother from early childhood to the free use of 
his own powers and dependence upon his own conclu- 
sions, already a veteran on the platform of the neigh- 
borhood debating societies; the peculiar circumstances 



186 REALIZATION 

of his position had brought out and developed his mind 
in a few months as only years of ordinary life could 
have done. He had suffered from the sudden forcing 
of his mental growth; he had been carried to one ex- 
treme in his periods of intense activity and then 
plunged back into the depths of the other when ex- 
hausted and in need of rest, but finally, he had 
emerged from the conflict with a sturdy strength and 
activity of mind which he was to realize in later years 
was well worth the price he had paid for it. 

He sat silent for awhile, watching the coming of 
the sunset colors in the western sky. The evening 
peace of the world about him found place in his own 
being; a long day of intense activity was coming to a 
close for him and he, too, was coming to a pleasant 
evening of quiet and peace of soul. His work was 
done, the conflict was finished and the battle won for 
the better part and he was ready for rest. The setting 
sun and the gathering evening in the world without 
were in perfect harmony with the subsiding heat of 
past turmoil and the growing peace of trust in the God 
of his Cosmos in his own mind. 

Then came to him the first full realization of his 
decision and what it meant to him. For the first time 
he fully realized that he had decided, that there was no 



THE PROMISE FULFILLED 187 

longer any doubt in his mind, that he really believed. 
He felt no more fear of the future. He could face its 
problems with serene eyes, and with the burden of 
dread lifted from the shoulders of the present it held 
only good for him. 

He rose to go to the evening meal and, standing for 
a moment looking into the fading western light, he 
completed the summary which he had begun, and from 
the fullness of a heart which had found peace in a per- 
fect faith, he prayed his prayer for health, believing 
that he had it. 

"Jesus spoke truth. He said that the prayer of 
faith would heal the sick and He proved it while on 
earth. His disciples proved it after Him. No, not 
after Him, for He still lives. But after He had left 
His human body those who believed in Him proved 
for all time to come that the powers He used are eter- 
nal powers even as He is eternal and His words are 
spoken for all time. Yes, faith is still the golden key 
to the treasury of the kingdom of heaven — not faith 
in the views of some theologian, not blind belief in 
some certain interpretation of the Bible or the infalli- 
bility of some man-made or self-appointed so-called 
representative of God — but faith in the power of God 



188 REALIZATION 

to realize man's desires, trust in the powers which God 
has given to man for this purpose. 

**I shall yet pray the prayer of perfect faith, and 
when I do I shall have my health and whatever else I 
may desire. He has said that it would be so and I be- 
lieve that it will. I shall yet claim these promises 
mine, for I shall yet believe with that trust, which 
takes no account of what other men may think of me, 
counting it enough that I am right with my God, that 
leaves no room for doubt and wavering, that doubts 
not the fulfilling of my desire." 

He turned from the pale west, where Venus showed 
dimly in the whitened sky, and walked toward the 
lighted windows, with a new interest in the things 
around him and the people that there awaited him. 
He felt like he was coming home from a long absence. 
He had not been living with his family in all the months 
that had passed since he first learned he was doomed 
to death. Although he had never been away from 
home except for short visits to the old doctor, since the 
Sunday when he preached his first and last sermon, he 
had yet never really been at home at all in his feelings. 
His secret troubles separated him from the others. He 
lived in a world apart, a world far distant from the old 
world in which he had formerly lived and which was 
shared by the other members of the home circle. Not 



THE PROMISE FULFILLED 189 

even his mother had really been a part of this new 
world which had claimed him. And now he was re- 
turning to the old world again; returning a different 
person, to be sure, returning a man grown, with new 
powers and new outlooks on life, but returning none the 
less. 

As he went up the path of light which the lamp made 
shining through the kitchen door, he murmured to him- 
self, with a heart full of gratitude for the message it 
brought to him: 

Lo, I am with ^ou, even unto the end of the world, 
(Matt. 28:20). 



CHAPTER XIV. 
CONCLUSION. 

THIS WAS THE last of Stanly's religious 
troubles; the last of his stormy battles with 
Doubt. After this final evening he gathered up again 
the threads of the old life, took up his tasks about the 
farm and in the home and, for a time, tried to take up 
again the study of medicine. But he found that this 
tended to bring his thoughts back to himself and the 
state of his health, so he dropped it. 

In the days that followed he put all thought of his 
health out of his mind. He realized that he must 
trust fully if he would pray the prayer of faith. He 
intuitively understood that a prayer of this kind is a 
continuous performance and a matter of mental atti- 
tude and feeling toward the desire with which it con- 
cerns itself, not a matter of repeating over a few words 
in measured phrases. It is something inexpressible, 
something indescribable, something that can only be 
lived and, like Life, permits not of analysis and descrip- 
tion. 



CONCLUSION 191 

He prayed his prayer of faith in the trustful peace 
of mind and heart with which he took up his interrupted 
Hfe; in the untroubled face that he turned toward the 
future; in the happy response he made to the demands 
of the family upon his time and his companionship. 
And he received the answer to his prayer in renewed 
strength and growing health. 

He really never knew when he recovered his health. 
He had never suffered himself to question his possession 
of it since the evening when he had made his final de- 
cision and, in fact, so fully did he put behind him the 
nightmare of struggle and trial that he hardly ever re- 
membered that he had been sick. It was only when he 
went one day, some months afterwards, to visit his 
friend the doctor, that he had the question brought 
squarely before his attention. 

He had often been in to see his friend, but by a tacit 
understanding neither had spoken about Stanly's 
health nor his religious difficulties. The doctor had 
recognized some great change for the better in the lad 
and he was so happy to see it that he would not risk a 
second time dashing his happiness as he had one time 
done when Stanly first made his decision of the ques- 
tion of healing through faith. So he had let matters 
stand and watched with growing wonder the constant 



192 REALIZATION 

improvement in the young man's physical appearance. 
On the day in question he could no longer restrain 
his curiosity as to the cause of the change he observed 
and his desire to express his pleasure in it. 

"Stanly," he said, "I've been wanting for some time 
to ask you to let me examine you again. You look the 
picture of health, and I never hear you cough any more, 
and yet, according to all that I know of the science of 
medicine, you should be in your grave or so near there 
by this time that there would not be much difference. 
I want to examine you and see if these appearances are 
real or only fictitious." 

Stanly plainly expressed his surprise in his face and 
manner. He was surprised for the moment. He had 
really almost forgotten that he had been sick, so thor- 
oughly had he put all thought of his trouble behind him. 

"Why, yes," he said, after a moment, hesitating in 
his choice of words, "examine all you want to. I 
think I know what you'll find. I'm surely well if I 
ever was. I had forgotten that I was ever otherwise. 
Go ahead with your examination." 

While the doctor was giving him a thorough exam- 
ination according to the methods then in use among 
his school of physicians, Stanly turned back in memory 
to the time when he had undergone a similar examina- 



CONCLUSION 193 

tion in a very different frame of mind. He went back 
to the second examination which the doctor had given 
him, when both felt certain that but one result could be 
announced, and he tried to think of himself as the same 
person in both of these experiences. He could not 
closely connect himself with that other lad who had 
suffered that painful experience. It was very far away 
in life, although separated by but a few short months 
in time from the present. 

"Well, well ! I couldn't have believed it possible !'* 
the doctor exclaimed, when he had finished. "You're 
as sound as a new dollar, my boy. There is not a trace 
that I can find. I've never seen you in better health. 
How on earth did you do it?" 

Stanly was again surprised. He did not stop to 
think that the doctor did not know that he had fully set- 
tled all of his troubles of mind and heart ; that the doc- 
tor did not know that the prayer of faith had such 
power over the ills of man. He had not thought to 
tell the other about it; it had seemed to him such a 
matter-of-fact truth, such an unquestionable verity that 
all other people should see it as he saw it to be. 

"Why, didn't you know?" he asked. "I've learned 
to believe. I thought you knew. I thought that 
everybody knew, if I thought about it at all. I came 



194 REALIZATION 

to a full comprehension of Jesus' message of faith and 
then I trusted Him, or God, or Nature, whatever it is 
that does the actual healing, to give me the health I 
desired so much. Somehow, when I reached that point 
I quit worrying about it and sort of took for granted 
that the result would follow. I think I must have 
prayed a prayer of faith, although I do not know when 
I did it, unless I have been doing it all the time when I 
have been trusting my desires for fulfillment." 

The doctor did not reply. He sat back in his chair 
watching the boy and thinking, thinking thoughts that 
would not permit of expression even if he had been in 
the mood for talking just then. He felt the force of 
the young man's simple trust in these powers which he 
did not profess to understand, but which he had learned 
of and trusted through the message that Jesus had 
brought to men two thousand years ago, but which had 
lain hidden from their eyes for so long. He felt 
shamed by his own doubt and by the questions that 
arose in his mind as he heard the other tell what had 
been the source of his wonderful recovery. He felt 
that here was a mere boy who had done something, who 
possessed a knowledge, who had reached farther than 
all of his scientific studies had been able to carry him. 
He felt that the younger man had penetrated deeper 



CONCLUSION 195 

into the heart of Hfe as It is than he had with all of his 
years of experience, and for the moment he was abashed 
with the sense of being in the presence of a superior. 

When the doctor did not reply, Stanly continued. 

"I had not really thought of there being any differ- 
ence in my condition now and at any other time. I 
can't even now, seem to think of myself as the same 
person as the one who used to be sick. That all seems 
very unreal and far away now, just as my religious 
doubts and worries seem things of another age, another 
life. I never think of health and disease these days, 
because I am living health, I suppose ; and I never think 
of religion either, perhaps because I live that, too. I 
know that I used only to be playing at it. 

"So you are sure that I am perfectly sound and well, 
are you?" he questioned the doctor, with an amused 
smile. 

"Yes," the other finally replied. "You are well so 
far as I can see and I must say that it is beyond me." 

He got up and went to the window, where he looked 
unseeingly down into the dirty village street for a long 
time before he turned back to find Stanly immersed in 
a book which he had found on a table by his side. 

"I must have made a mistake in my diagnosis," the 
doctor muttered, as he looked at Stanly. "Yes, that 



196 REALIZATION 

is it. I made a mistake in my diagnosis. But then, 
there were all the others, they couldn't have — Oh, 
pshaw ! Of course that is it. Such things don't hap- 
pen nowadays. Just a simple matter of mistaken diag- 
nosis and worry and then change of mental occupation 
and recovered balance of function under a more happy 
frame of mind. It's just as well to let him go on and 
think that he is right, but then — and maybe he is 
right, maybe — Pshaw ! What is the matter with me?" 

He impatiently brought his silent monologue to a 
close when it had reached this disturbing stage, and 
spoke aloud to his companion. 

"Well, my boy," he said, "I am surely glad to see 
you all right again. Do you find that book interest- 
ing? That's a new one I just got in the other day. 
I've already been through it once, so you can take it 
along with you if you care to read it. Why don't you 
study pedagogy and teach school? I have some more 
books here on the same subject; you know I always 
did have a hankering to teach school myself; and I'll 
let you have them as long as you need them. That 
will be better for you than doctoring, especially with 
these new ideas that you have in your head. Maybe 
I'll call on you some day, though, to help me with 
some of my cases and then you can try your new sys- 
tem on them." 



CONCLUSION 197 

The doctor spoke in a tone of friendly banter with 
the idea that he was trying to tease his young friend, 
but what he was really doing was something very dif- 
ferent from that. He was talking against the thoughts 
which insisted on presenting themselves to his atten- 
tion. He was trying to still some insistent questions 
in his own mind. He was dodging some accusations 
of his own powers which Stanly's health and his ex- 
planation of its source seemed to make. He was get- 
ting rid of the question as many another of his brother 
physicians have had to do in times past and present, 
and the method that he used was the one most com- 
monly employed for this purpose. 

Stanly took home the book on pedagogy and soon 
became deeply interested in it. He prepared himself 
for school teaching and soon found a place where his 
services were in demand. For several years he taught 
school in the little country school houses before he 
found a place for his ideas in one of the larger seats of 
learning. There he came into touch with — 

But that is another story. This tale is finished. 
It is only necessary to say that twenty years after the 
doctor laughingly and half sneeringly threatened to call 
on Stanly to heal the sick through the prayer of faith, 
this seed-thought blossomed into a great purpose and 



198 REALIZATION 

bore a wonderful fruit in actual healing by this means. 
The boy who had wished to become a doctor and 
then a preacher became, after many years, healer of 
the sick and minister to the downtrodden selfhood of 
men. He realized a hundredfold his dearest dreams 
and lived to bless the time when he was tried in the cru- 
cible of Fate and cleansed of the dross of doubt of 
God and self which had been instilled into his mind by 
misguided teachers in his early life. 

And in these days of Realization, he came to ap- 
preciate the full truth and dependableness of Jesus' 
message to men. He came to fully know that he was 
not mistaken when, as a young man, he had decided 
that Jesus had spoken for all time, had voiced truths 
that were truths before He expressed them and would 
continue to be truths as long as time is, even though the 
name of Jesus should be blotted from the memory of 
man; for the Christ has always lived and will always 
live in the hearts of all who, consciously or uncon- 
sciously, follow His teachings, and His message is 
always true no matter what may be man's understand- 
ing or misunderstanding of it. 

Although he had long before learned to pray the 
prayer of faith, had learned to live his religion, it was 
only in these later days of more mature study that he 



CONCLUSION 199 

learned to appreciate the full significance of man's re- 
lation with God, to know why faith is necessary and 
never-failing, to fully appreciate what Jesus meant 
when He said. The kij^gdom of God cometh not rvith 
observation; Neither shall they sa}), Lo here! or, lo 
there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you. 

THE END. 



L'ENVOI. 

To those who may be disappointed because Stanly 
did not realize the answer to his prayer with a fan- 
fare of trumpets and a startHng dimax of feeling and 
emotion, I will say that all the great things of life are 
given birth in the darkness and the stillness; deep in 
the Silent Places, far from the rush and the hurry 
and the sensationalism of conscious life, into which 
they come only as the fruits of the true living Tree. 
The storm and stress periods are the time of the plow- 
ing and planting of the ground. The harvests grow 
and ripen only when the soil is undisturbed with but 
an occasional cultivation. 

To those illuminated ones who are able to read and 
apply the lesson which is taught by this simple tale, I 
would further say: After you have planted your gar- 
dens with Desire, water them with Hope, cultivate them 
with Cheerful Thoughts, and warm them with the be- 
neficent sunshine of Faith in the outcome. And remem- 
ber that each harvest can be planted but once, that the 
ground is cleared by doubt before a new crop can be 
planted in the same garden, and that each new plant- 
ing delays the reaping, that it is the Desire which is left 
undisturbed and properly cared for that soonest comes 
to fruit. 



INDEX. 



Acts— 55, 56, 57, 58, 59. 
Aeneas — 56. 



158, 



Agree— 53, 80, 84, 145, 14f 
181. 

All things— 74. 

Belief— 25, 26, 27, 28, 31, 48, 50, 
51, 52, 60, 61, 74, 75, 83, 84, 
86, 98. 99, 137, 143, 145, 151, 
156, 170, 171, 183, 187. 

Believe— IS, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 27, 
28, 29, 30, 34, 35, 36, 37, 50, 
61, 64, 73, 74, 75, 77, 78, 79, 

81, 83, 84, 86, 90, 99, 103, 116, 
136, 138, 142, 143, 147, 151, 

152, 154, 156, 157, 159, 160, 
164, 165, 167, 169, 171, 173, 
184, 185, 193. 

Believers— 54, 74, 77, 82, 87. 
Bethany — 135. 
Bethsaida— 127. 

Bible— 14, 15, 17, 18, 38, 42, 43, 
47, 49, 52, 60, 62, 69, 73, 79, 

82, 83, 84, 94, 100, 103, 105, 
113. 116, 125, 138, 140, 141, 
144. 154, 156, 160. 183, 187. 

Blind man — 62. 

Canaan — 68. 

Centurion — 65. 

Church— 21, 27, 28, 30, 36. 38, 42, 

44, 55, 76, 79. 82, 100, 113, 

139, 168. 
Confidence— 3, 18, 26, 62, 119. 170. 
Corinthians (I) — 151. 
Courage — 9. 

Death— 14, 16, 17, 45, 70, 188. 
Decided — 155, 156, 169. 
Decision — 39, 40, 43, 85, 90, 99, 

153, 154, 168, 191. 
Desire— 16, 75, 97, 146, 169, 171, 

177, 188, 190, 192, 194, 

200. 
Despair — 12. 

Diagnosis — 6, 7, 139, 160, 196. 
Disciples— 21, 51, 52, 54, 59, 68, 

69, 75, 78, 86, 102, 121, 168, 

187. 
Disease— 12, 74, 102, 106, 110, 

122, 139, 184. 
Doctor— 4, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10, 12, 13, 

16, 49, 94, 97, 99, 100, 101, 

103. 107, 108, 113. 120. 123, 

128, 130, 138, 141, 153, 156, 

157, 166, 170, 179, 181, 191, 

193, 197, 198. 



Dorcas — 57. 

Doubts — 52, 61, 75, 77, 88, 93, 94, 
143, 156, 166, 168, 171, 174, 
175, 176, 183, 188, 190, 194, 
195, 198, 200. 

Dreams — 3, 4, 10, 18, 46, 162, 163, 
164, 198. 

Education — 15. 

Eutychus — 58. 

Exaltation — 4, 17. 

Experience — 9, 18. 

Faith— 23. 24, 27, 35, 37, 51, 52, 
53, 54, 55. 57, 59, 60, 61, 62, 
64, 65, 68, 69, 70, 74, 75, 79, 
87, 88, 89, 107, 119, 145, 155, 
156, 166, 170, 171, 173, 174, 

175, 177, 183, 187, 199. 
Father — 1, 15. 

Fears— 13, 38, 55, 88, 90, 92, 155, 

162, 175, 178. 

Future— 2, 3, 4, 12, 44, 167, 191. 

Gadarenes — 115. 

Galilee— 60, 106, 110. 

Hands — 18, 19, 20, 23, 27, 29, 34, 

58, 100, 103, 104. 
Happiness — 8, 89. 
Heal— 103, 112, 113, 123, 137, 157, 

171, 172, 183, 184. 
Healed — 19, 22, 35, 55, 56, 58, 65, 

66, 100, 106, 108, 110. 112. 

123, 125, 126, 128, 131, 132. 

176, 180. 

Healer— 60, 128, 135, 136, 198. 
Healing— 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 

110. 113, 118, 120, 122, 123, 

125, 132, 138, 182. 
Heal the sick — 30, 54, 58, 103, 

152, 154, 161, 169. 
Health— 13, 24, 100, 112, 150, 160, 

173, 174, 178, 185, 188, 190. 

191, 192, 193, 195. 
Hope— 8, 9, 10, 12, 17, 56. 60, 155, 

156, 158, 159, 160, 161, 162, 

163, 167, 200. 

Hypocrites— 35, 76, 88, 141. 
Interests— 3, 5, 14, 49, 67, 150. 
Interpretations — 15, 33, 36, 144, 

146, 168, 187. 
Israel— 65, 68, 122. 
Jairus — 70. 
James — 54, 72. 



INDEX— Continued 



Jericho — 62, 

Jesus— 19, 20, 21, 22, 24, 25, 27, 
28, 30, 33, 35, 37, 38, 39, 43, 
45, 46, 48, 49, 50. 52, 53, 54, 
55, 56, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 64. 
66, 67, 69, 71, 72, 73. 76, 77. 
78, 84, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 93. 
100, 101, 102, 103, 106, 107, 
109, 111, 113, 114, 115, 116, 
119, 120, 121, 122, 123, 125, 
126, 127, 130, 132, 133, 134, 
135, 138, 142, 144, 151, 153, 
154, 157, 163, 164, 165, 171, 
172, 173, 174, 175, 183, 184, 
185, 187, 194, 198, 199. 

John— 49, 72, 103, ISS, 134, 135, 
143. 

John (I)— 51. 

Joy— 17. 

Kingdom of God— JI99. 

Kingdom of Heaven— 198. 

Lazarus — 135. 

Lessons— 3, 4, 5, 11. 

Luke— 62, 65, 66, 70, 72, 104, 108, 
111, 122, 124, 125, 129. 130, 
131, 132, 178. 

Lunatic — 51, 69, 106. 

Lystra — 57. 

Mark— 17, 48, 62, 66, 70, 107, 110, 
115, 119, 123. 125, 127, 128, 
143, 151. 

Martha— 135. 

Mary — 135. 

Matthew— 51, 52, 60, 62, 64, 65. 
68, 69, 70, 86, 101, 105, 106, 
108, 111, 112, 113, 118, 123, 
125, 126, 127, 128. 152, 190. 

Medical— 3, 13, 94, 156, 168. 

Medicine— 2, 14, 16, 95, 120, ICO, 
190, 192. 

Message— 14, 22. 25, 35, 46, 54, 
164, 189, 198. 

Ministry— 18, 46. 

Mood— 5, 90, 178, 194. 

Mother— 11, 13, 15, 23, 29, 31, 32, 
33. 36, 41, 48, 56, 61, 82, 84, 
90, 101, 129, 142, 162, 185. 

Paul— 57, 58, 194. 

Peter— 55, 56, 57, 59, 60, 73, 78, 
101. 

Peter (II) — 145, 

Pharisees — 77. 

Philip— 56. 

Philippians — 144. 

Physician— 11, 67, 113, 192. 

Possible— 74, 84, 139, 194. 



Power — 18, 19, 24, 66, 118, 121, 

126, 145, 146, 151, 152, 168. 

171, 172, 173, 179, 185, 189, 

193, 194, 197. 

Practices — 21. 

Prayed — 31, 36, 38, 49, 57, 58, 93. 

165, 174, 176, 177, 190. 
Prayer — 176, 177, 188, 191. 
Prayer of Faith — 74, 86, 172, 173, 
176, 177, 183, 184, 187, 190, 
191, 193, 194, 198. 
Promises — 21, 22, 23, 37, 53, 74, 
76, 86, 88, 145, 177, 178, 188. 
Publius — 58. 
Purpose — 45, 48. 
Realization — 162, 186, 198. 
Realize— 3, 5, 7, 18, 22, 29, 41, 43, 

185, 187, 198, 200. 
Religious — 15, 46, 81, 88, 89, 90, 
94, 133, 139, 150, 161, 168, 
170, 190, 191, 195. 
Ruler's daughter — 119. 
Seek— 42, 146, 147, 158. 
Sermon — 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 24, 28, 

33, 98, 106. 
Sick— 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 27, 
28, 29, 34, 46, 47, 54, 55. 57, 
58, 60, 65, 72, 78, 90, 94, 100, 
102, 103, 104, 128, 172, 173, 
180, 181, 191, 192, 195. 
Signs — 18, 19, 20, 29, 34, 35, 37, 
52, 55, 78, 80, 84, 151, 155. 
Siloam — 134. 
Simon — 102, 104. 
Sophistry — 20, 25, 26, 28, 33, 76, 

79, 154, 182. 
Struggle — 12. 
Suggestion — 158. 
Sympathize — 3. 
Symptoms — 6. 
Syria— 106. 
Tabitha— 57. 

Teacher — 4, 14, 16, 44, 149, 198. 
Teachings — 24, 33, 44, 59, 82, 89, 

149, 152, 164, 183, 198. 
Test— 27, 30, 59, 171, 174. 
Thessalonians (I) — 149. 
Timothy (II)— 144. 
Trial — 26, 27, 99, 191. 
Trouble— 11, 48, 83, 94, 117, 188. 
Trust— 35, 38, 44, 76, 158, 170, 

178, 184, 185, 187. 
Truth— 25, 28, 36, 40, 51, 85, 98, 
103, 146, 148, 149. 154, 162, 
177, 183, 193, 198. 
Unbelief— 60, 69, 167. 



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